SurvivingInfidelity.com® > New Beginnings

CatsEye posted 3/21/2019 12:30 PM

I was having a bad night and started running searches on how to take revenge on an unfaithful ex.

What I found was:

1. A bunch of preachy articles telling me to turn the other cheek. Screw that idea and screw everyone who suggests it.

2. Trivial, petty, childish forms of revenge. Not much satisfaction there.

3. Elaborate, dangerous, expensive, and sometimes illegal schemes that could land a person in jail. Not even.

I also found an article that said a study shows that no matter how satisfying thoughts of revenge feel, actually taking revenge is likely to make the person feel worse rather than better. Not sure that would be a problem for me, but ... moving on.

Then I found a comment at the bottom of one of the typical articles. In this comment, the woman asked a question that gave me a whole new perspective, and I wanted to share it in case it could help anyone like me who is still dealing with the white-hot rage.

Let's assume that you came up with a satisfying plan for revenge, that there would be no risk of bad consequences for you, that you wouldn't feel guilt or regret at what you had done, and that it was something you could actually carry out.

Now, imagine that you have carried out your plan, taken revenge, and basked in satisfaction of having gotten a little of your own back.

Then we get to the question: What next?

That feeling of satisfaction isn't going to last forever. What are you going to do when it wears off? Because I don't know about you guys, but there is no way I am going to waste what is left of my life seeking revenge on my exhole. He was dumb enough to throw me away so he could be with a lying, cheating slut. He'll screw up his life just fine without me. Anyway, I'm not going to waste all that time on him. He just isn't worth it. It wouldn't fix any of my other problems. It wouldn't make a material difference in the life I now have to live. It wouldn't really help. That temporary satisfaction, even if I really did feel it, wouldn't make my life any better.

I'm kind of proud of myself for being rational enough to recognize that and try to change my focus. And yes, the anger is still there. I'm still having to deal with him and his nonsense. Until the terms of the settlement agreement are fulfilled and I can get on with my life without him in it, I don't expect the anger to go away. How can it? He's still misbehaving, as if he hadn't already done enough damage to me and my life. Selfish little ...

Anyway, I hope this helps someone else.

ErinHa posted 3/21/2019 12:39 PM

I love your perspective and that revenge is short lived. Also revenge requires continuing to focus on the ex and not on yourself, thereby allowing him/her to rob you of even more time and effort. I've found by helping myself overcome areas in my life that I need to for my own sanity, focusing on my own goals and finding success in myself completely independent from him...that it kinda of does satisfy my need for revenge and makes me a better person in the end. Better for ME, not HIM.

Good advice CatsEye!

[This message edited by ErinHa at 12:39 PM, March 21st (Thursday)]

Phoenix1 posted 3/21/2019 13:26 PM

I understand that rage. I had it in spades from the time I kicked him out (last Dday) until the D was final. Taking the high road was a challenge because, well, I wanted him to suffer. Tremendously. I wanted him to reap severe, hurtful consequences for what he had done to me and our family over two decades. But I also had the presence of mind to know he wasn't worth going to jail for.

The most common saying is still the most appropriate, and true - the best revenge is a life well lived.

Taking that stance has allowed me to let him inflict his own misery on himself with his history of bad choices. And he has done that time and time and time again. He is a hot mess of a human being, living hand to mouth on a pittance of a retirement. He's got debt collectors hounding him, the IRS garnishing his wages, a truck that was his prized possession that is falling apart because he can't afford to fix, and his baby-mama (last OW) is always lurking in the shadows trying to find him to have him served with paternity papers for CS.

While I am doing just fine, enjoying life and the peace and tranquility that defines my home. Didn't have to lift one finger against him for the absolute best revenge.

Hang in there. The anger does dissipate and you will go on to have a fabulous life in spite of him. It DOES get better!

CatsEye posted 3/21/2019 13:50 PM

Thanks guys.

I believe I will be able to put most of the rage behind me when I no longer have to deal with him for the post-divorce stuff. Every time I have to communicate with him, I get physically ill. He literally makes me sick.

But I don't think it will go on much longer. After a few more months, I should reach a point where I don't have to communicate with him any more.

What a lovely thought.

WhoTheBleep posted 3/22/2019 06:45 AM

Leaving him was the ultimate revenge. Then going NC, no matter how he tries to bait me. He gets no response. Kids and finances only. Very brief and unemotional. It's glorious, because I know he feels totally insignificant in my life. He no longer has any power. He no longer matters to me.

Indifference is the ultimate revenge. (Or at least the appearance of indifference, if you're in the early days.)

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 6:45 AM, March 22nd (Friday)]

Cephastion posted 3/22/2019 07:54 AM

I was once talking about that cheek turning business with a fellow Christian friend of mine.

He asked me to look at it from his perspective, which was anything BUT "thou shalt be a doormat".

He then asked me what it literally said to do, and when I replied, he made the point to me that it most definitely did NOT say that if someone stabs you on the one side, to turn to him the other side to stab, as well.

Everyone has their beliefs and opinions about things and that's part of the beauty of being people instead of just doormats or robots or whatever, but I want to share that there's a big difference between being mature enough to not resort impulsively at the first and every opportunity to violence at every relatively harmless insult to one's pride (merely having one's cheek slapped ONCE) and having one's trust and world and dignity and family and marriage TOTALLY DESTROYED by the treachery of adultery and/or abandonment by the one who was supposed to have your back and always passionately love both of your cheeks and everything else included more than their very own instead of EVER slapping one or hurting one...

The One who made that saying popular also was devastated by the cheek kissing betrayal of Judas and the results of that treachery and there was no happy ending for that particular friendship, either, btw.

I wanted a kind of revenge of sorts myself, and prayed for such, and in a few weeks' time my wife started regularly having nightmares (and almost non-stop thoughts throughout the day as well) about being in my shoes on the receiving end of what she did to me.

In our particular case, we are in Reconcilation and recovery, and both still love each other, but I couldn't get past the one-sided bullshitery of how fair it was that she could "play" and I had to PAY, and how she could cheat, and sin, and still somehow WIN, while all I got to do was sit & spin and feel cheated and shitted on by her and all her various lovers and family that enabled that shit.

At some point I guess I wanted her to truly be with me in that hell she threw me away into in some ways, and not just aloof and untouched by the price of the crimes she had committed.

If all she had ever done was a one-time slap on my cheek... I can say quite confidently that I would have turned the other towards her to show who is doing the ABUSING and who is the more mature loving, self-disciplined person in the situation.

I can say that not only because I reached out to her and reconciled with my wife, but also because I have literally turned the other cheek when it has been "slapped" on a couple of different occasions with a couple of different assailants at different times in my life... And in each case, the results amounted to a very huge win for me and a psychological and power loss for them over my life and over the other people they were trying to bully by their abuses at the time.

So I thought I'd just put a word in there about how I have come out on the matter of "turning the other cheek" as well as the issue of personal revenge, and what the original point of that heavily misapplied saying/verse really was, as I understand it to be.

[This message edited by Cephastion at 7:59 AM, March 22nd (Friday)]

GotTheShaft posted 3/22/2019 08:58 AM

This is something I have struggled with as well. My exWW cheated on me for 1-1/2 years with a guy who was a national talk show guest as a self-proclaimed spokesman for victims of infidelity. My exWW is CEO of the local Girl Scouts. The fact that these 2 were having an affair is the epitome of irony.

I thought for sure both of their worlds would crumble. But instead, they have since married each other and appear to be living happily ever after with my DDs and his DSs every other week. They both are still heavily recognized and praised in the local news outlets for their "leadership" abilities and the "great example my exWW sets for working women and young girls".

I have enjoyed my share of good fortune since my divorce. I've met a wonderful woman, I've reconnected with friends who apparently didn't like my ex, I've had tremendous success at work, and I've been able to enjoy quality time with my DDs.

However, my exWW constantly finds ways to create unnecessary drama in my life, and I'm constantly reminded of the hurt and pain she caused to me and more importantly my DDs. The fact that there have been no consequences to her actions has challenged my core beliefs on life, fairness, and why you should be a good person.

I chose not to make a public spectacle of my exWW's affair, because I was advised that it would be better for the emotional security of my DDs not to do so. Sometimes I question if that was the right decision for me?

I don't know what I need to fully heal. My exWW continues to be a righteous bitch at every opportunity, yet to the general public, she appears to be a saint. I'm not sure that I want "revenge" so to speak, but I definitely want there to be consequences to her choices and behavior. Isn't that what Karma is supposed to be?

If Karma exists, it's certainly taking its sweet old time chasing down my exWW and her POSOM/new husband.

LilBlackCat posted 3/22/2019 11:12 AM

GotTheShaft depending on the age of your kids... Things will come out through them in the future and your XWW will have to face them and the internal hell that will come with it.

GotTheShaft posted 3/22/2019 11:21 AM

LilBlackCat: my DDs are 13 & 11. They figured out that WW cheated on me, but I don't think they grasp the meaning of that entirely. And, they seem to have a good relationship with their mom, much to my chagrin. However, they are definitely concerned about how she interprets their behavior and choices, as they don't want to upset her.

LilBlackCat posted 3/22/2019 11:43 AM

My eldest (21) "deals" with his mom.. as he completely disapproves of her resulting actions

DD (14) has a good relationship with WW but lives with me.. She doesn't like the new version of mom.

DD (11) lives with WW but has in many cases expressed she would rather live with me, but WW keeps convincing her otherwise. She is more accepting of WW actions.. but is more on the fence overall.

DS (6) Also now lives with WW. He know what mom did, and even though it's his version of the truth.. He picked it up from the other kids. He is very accepting of mom and her AP/BF, but lately has been doing weird things like trying to instigate that Dad and Mom still love each other to AP.. Even though, supposedly they are now "just friends".

I think you keep true to yourself and keep your relationships golden with your kids.. The rest will play out in the future.. and if not, it's ok.. You will have your kids with a good relationship and hopefully someone new as well.

GotTheShaft posted 3/22/2019 13:36 PM

Thanks LilBlackCat!

Cheatee posted 3/22/2019 15:14 PM

My revenge was two-fold:

1) Truth
If anyone asked, I just said that I didn't get along with her junkie boyfriend. My XWW was busy blaming everything on me, so at least I had the truth on my side.

2) Success
Dwelling on making her life miserable would be a form of ongoing obsession. Besidesm she's doing a great job on her own of making herself miserable. I'm moving forward with life and now I can sincerely wish for the best for her.

Muggle posted 3/22/2019 19:50 PM

I watched Karma served yesterday at my mediation/settlement hearing. It didn't unfold at all like I played it out in my head.

I watched my life dissected, false accusations made toward me, and I surprised myself in staying calm. At one point I didn't think a single thing more could go wrong to a situation that seemed to be a slam dunk. Well...nothing went as planned.

I wanted to curl up in a ball, until I mentally told myself that no matter what happened I was going to be ok. I can't stop lies, I have no divine ability to influence the outcome. I relaxed, smiled, said a silent prayer and from the darkest moment the sun eventually was shining, and the outcome turned from bleak to hopeful.

I thought I would feel smug, even victorious and would gloat over the outcome. I wanted him to suffer, to feel the pain and hopelessness I did while this was unraveling my life. None of these things happened. I felt no great sense of relief over knowing he has lost his family, most of his possessions, and he brought it all on himself.

Revenge is fleeting. It fills us for a moment with purpose then leaves us hanging in the wind. I realized as much as I wanted him to get a GIANT dose of KARMA, it was sad to watch, and even though I felt satisfaction in knowing the woman he threw it all away for has likely left him, he now has no one and a world of financial hardship coming.

1ptsdsurvivor71 posted 3/22/2019 23:00 PM

It's cliche but very much true: Quietly & safely leaving - preferably ghosting - a lying cheating partner - really IS the BEST "revenge."
Living *our* lives the BEST that *we* know how & leaving the cheater really is the absolute BEST "revenge" there is.
I absolutely LOVE how just how truly awful the by then ex & his equally married ow ended & I equally love how in absolutely ZERO way, shape &or form, whatsoever, that xh could possibly remotely blame *me.*
Sometimes karma snakes up on our exs on little cat feet.
Other times karma nips at their heels & quietly gnaws at their lives.
Other times the Karma Bus either sideswipes or outright hits our exs head-on.
And other times karma comes to our exs AND their cheating partner(s) in a mushroom cloud of atomic bomb proportions.
This is exactly what happened within just a few short months of my wh running away with & literally abandoning me & our marriage, for his around 25 yr old equally married ninth grade dropout septum pierced heffalump:
Ow absolutely KNEW that wh was married & pursued him regardless; even going so far as telling wh that, quote, he "...DIDN'T have to work if he DIDN'T WANT TO..."
This considerably younger meth addled wackadoodle ow was so desperate & point blank, so dick thirsty for my [then] husband that an extremely reliable info source shared this nauseating little tidbit of information with me around the time in mid 2013 that I was shown & printed off 5+ pages of court documents relating to ex's three felony child abuse charges & convictions.
Even 8 yrs onward sometimes I still struggle with knowing that my husband of almost 14 yrs casually threw me away for someone that he'd secretly fucked off & on for ?around four yrs.
Wh met & hooked up with one of the local town bicycles & when wh learned that ow had money &or nearly unlimited access to family money..that's pretty much when & where my presence, need & want in my own husband's life became redundant.
I still think ex saw ow as an ATM disguised as a morbidly obese warm hole.
It absolutely broke my heart to be be literally abandoned by my husband without a single backwards glance.
I mean, not even 3 1/2 weeks shy of 14 yrs of good, bad & ugly relationship & marriage history together...completely gone...within a matter of just a few weeks time...& all bc this ow told my husband the magic words that he didn't have to work if he didn't want to.
HOW, exactly, was this supposed to work out, considering ow had a preteen daughter AND was heavily pregnant with twins AND by her equally married boyfriend in addition to working whatever job(s) ow had &or could weedle yet MORE money from family & relatives?!?
Though the outcome of exs & ow's "relationship" ended in a horrific, made for Maury or Stevie Wilkos show kind of way, I absolutely LOVE that *I* had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with it & it still has the power to shock & sadden me to such a dark hurtful place to know that my by then ex husband happily destroyed our marriage for some piece of shit young woman who, according to Dane County, Wisconsin police AND court documents, freely & happily stayed involved, living with AND fucking her "soulmate" through not just one or hell, even two but three, repeat THREE separate instances AND charges of FELONY INTENTIONAL child abuse!
It still has the ability to make my head feel like it's gently spinning to read these court documents that basically say that the ONLY real reason that ex's & ow's "relationship" ended was bc xh was arrested & hauled off to jail & NOT bc ex was found responsible for AND guilty of hitting & physically abusing their 2-5 MONTHS old boy & girl babies!
This vile ow happily helped my husband detonate an emotional & financial atomic bomb right over our already shaky marriage in addition to ow thoughtlessly lobbing an emotional hand grenade into the life of her precocious 11 yr old daughter & all for what - a few months of non stop fucking & likely alcohol & drug abuse.
That ow was able to keep shared custody of & rights to her now almost 18 yr old daughter is nothing short of miraculous.
Aside from a single 12 minute 58 seconds long late night phone call from ex sometime in early 2013 & a brief seconds long sighting of ex in the 2 football fields sized parking lot of a chain grocery store's parking lot almost 2 yrs ago, I'm all but clueless about ex.
As for this specific ow, for having had her twin babies physically confiscated & then freely giving up & having her parental rights to her/their babies TERMINATED, from all discernible indications, ow's life looks pretty damn good; sweet even - as ow has once & again moved around, job AND bed-hopped & has supposedly been "engaged" to her "fiance" for 2+ yrs now.
Ow is still very much on facebook, Instagram, SnapChat, tumblr & several other social media/pic sharing sites & nothing, repeat, literally N-O-T-H-I-N-G - WHATSOEVER - about neither her then equally married boyfriend NOR the twin babies that ow DELIBERATELY became pregnant with.
Nothing. Not even an older family pic with the twin babies somewhere in the background.
Ow happily helped my then husband to destroy at least two marriages as well as connive thousands of dollars from both loved ones as well as taxpayers.
These cheating lowlifes get to basically live on Easy Street life-wise for several months & even after ex was sentenced to a mere 4 yrs work release - for 3 separate FELONY child abuse charges - life seems back to being pretty much sunshine & roses for these two cheaters.

Sure, "karma" got both my [ex] husband AND the disgusting ow...but now it's like NOTHING EVER happened.
I mean, xh was sentenced to 4 years WORK RELEASE - for THREE felony charges of INTENTIONAL child abuse against his & ow's 2-5 MONTHS OLD twin babies.
In WHAT world does this even remotely make sense other than xh being so personality disordered that he was/is able to utterly bullshit the District Attorney, the judge & Dane County, WI justice system?!?

I guess it could/can be argued that ex's AND ow's "karma" is knowing AND having to live literally the rest of their lives irrefutably knowing what they selfishly did to so many individuals lives; all so they could live a few short months like hormone & drug addled magically responsibility free teenagers.

Idk.
By now, I'm probably just rambling & letting the mild Irish coffee I made earlier loosen my thoughts.

*My* "revenge" has been picking up the emotional & financial pieces as best I could & continue forward in life & choosing to never look back.
During the late night phone call that goes down in infamy as ex's last attempt to sniff around/hoover me, I remember respectfully but firmly telling xh that he would NEVER have NOR get the opportunity EVER AGAIN to hurt me as deeply as he did & that the ship known as "Reconciliation" PERMANENTLY set sail when he told himself that it was okay & acceptable to incessantly lie to, belittle & gas light & then ultimately & quite literally ABANDON our almost 14 yrs marriage for the ugly troll who happily helped him destroy so many peoples lives.
I told xh that HE made it in ZERO uncertain crystal clear ways how he felt about marriage, me & our marriage & around 2 yrs onward, if ex thought that *I* was going to sit around, pine AND carry a torch for *him* *after* 4 or so yrs of his PTSD inducing behavior & frequent horrific door slamming outbursts, no..*I* was 100% physically AND emotionally *DONE* with him.
Ex's last words to me were that he'd "keep in touch" with me...with me physically falling back asleep towards the end of the conversation.
I can still hear xh talking but in my head his words were muted like the teacher & other adults in the Peanuts comics, where Charlie Brown would say something & all you heard in reply was a muffled "mwa mwa mwa" sound.
I could hear ex talking, *still* rambling on & all I said was "Yeah yeah yeah. Whatever."
I then pushed the red END button & immediately fell blissfully back to sleep.

I haven't heard a peep from xh since & that was sometime in spring 2013.

Friends & lurkers, it really IS perfectly okay & acceptable to emotionally detach from & quietly ghost a remorseless cheater.
It doesn't matter if you were married or only dating.
It doesn't matter your sexual orientation/preference.
It doesn't matter if the ws is filthy rich or flips burgers or hustles on the side or is flat-out down on their luck broke.

NOTHING ELSE MATTERS except quietly getting your emotional, legal & financial ducks in a row & getting any minor children &or fur babies in your care, just as safely, quietly & quickly as far as possibly AWAY FROM such a cheater - bc life & whatever constitutes "karma" absolutely WILL sift these remorseless cheaters AND their partners out like used cat litter.
It's NOT a matter of "if" karma will..but *WHEN.*
We the betrayed may NEVER know & to some, depending on their spiritual beliefs, this might sound goofy.
But, rest assured, as *I* have discovered & learned, life & time have ways of catching up to & with individuals just like my ex & ow.

Knowing what I now know, I guess it can be said that this is probably some of the best "revenge" out there.

Just live your life how you know how & live it to the best of your abilities & let life & time sort out your ex AND their cheating partner(s).

I forget who said it but "Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend - FREEDOM IS!"

PS: I really genuinely DON'T "gloat" NOR get any real sense of "satisfaction" in reading & knowing just how fucked up neither my ex nor ow STILL is.
I DO get satisfaction from knowing that ex will NEVER get to hurt me so selfishly,viciously or deeply...as long as I live.
*THAT* ex can take to the bank. Put in his pipe & smoke it or whatever/however he chooses to take it.

"Revenge" is sweeter & BEST when we, the betrayed partner, quietly, quickly & safely PERMANENTLY extricate ourselves from these monsters.
Whether they realize it or not or even care, our waywards & exs have to - MUST - live with themselves.

To me, this has to be some of the richest & BEST "revenge" known.

For me, some days & nights are infinitely worse than others but dammit, I'm still here alive & that's *my* focus.

I truly wish I could go down a big long line & give everyone here a well deserved ((hug)).
I've been repeatedly told that I hug like an old warrior.
Truth be told, I kind of am. And treat others no less accordingly.

Here's to healing, light & some semblance of normalcy & happiness, 1ptsdsurvivor71

WornDown posted 3/23/2019 00:18 AM

Tells people who give advice to just walk away to fuck off...then is proud of doing just that.

1. A bunch of preachy articles telling me to turn the other cheek. Screw that idea and screw everyone who suggests it.

...

That feeling of satisfaction isn't going to last forever. What are you going to do when it wears off? Because I don't know about you guys, but there is no way I am going to waste what is left of my life seeking revenge on my exhole. He was dumb enough to throw me away so he could be with a lying, cheating slut. He'll screw up his life just fine without me. Anyway, I'm not going to waste all that time on him. He just isn't worth it. It wouldn't fix any of my other problems. It wouldn't make a material difference in the life I now have to live. It wouldn't really help. That temporary satisfaction, even if I really did feel it, wouldn't make my life any better

Dispirited posted 3/24/2019 00:40 AM

I was once talking about that cheek turning business with a fellow Christian friend of mine.

He asked me to look at it from his perspective, which was anything BUT "thou shalt be a doormat".

He then asked me what it literally said to do, and when I replied, he made the point to me that it most definitely did NOT say that if someone stabs you on the one side, to turn to him the other side to stab, as well.

Everyone has their beliefs and opinions about things and that's part of the beauty of being people instead of just doormats or robots or whatever, but I want to share that there's a big difference between being mature enough to not resort impulsively at the first and every opportunity to violence at every relatively harmless insult to one's pride (merely having one's cheek slapped ONCE) and having one's trust and world and dignity and family and marriage TOTALLY DESTROYED by the treachery of adultery and/or abandonment by the one who was supposed to have your back and always passionately love both of your cheeks and everything else included more than their very own instead of EVER slapping one or hurting one...

The One who made that saying popular also was devastated by the cheek kissing betrayal of Judas and the results of that treachery and there was no happy ending for that particular friendship, either, btw.

I wanted a kind of revenge of sorts myself, and prayed for such, and in a few weeks' time my wife started regularly having nightmares (and almost non-stop thoughts throughout the day as well) about being in my shoes on the receiving end of what she did to me.

In our particular case, we are in Reconcilation and recovery, and both still love each other, but I couldn't get past the one-sided bullshitery of how fair it was that she could "play" and I had to PAY, and how she could cheat, and sin, and still somehow WIN, while all I got to do was sit & spin and feel cheated and shitted on by her and all her various lovers and family that enabled that shit.

At some point I guess I wanted her to truly be with me in that hell she threw me away into in some ways, and not just aloof and untouched by the price of the crimes she had committed.

If all she had ever done was a one-time slap on my cheek... I can say quite confidently that I would have turned the other towards her to show who is doing the ABUSING and who is the more mature loving, self-disciplined person in the situation.

I can say that not only because I reached out to her and reconciled with my wife, but also because I have literally turned the other cheek when it has been "slapped" on a couple of different occasions with a couple of different assailants at different times in my life... And in each case, the results amounted to a very huge win for me and a psychological and power loss for them over my life and over the other people they were trying to bully by their abuses at the time.

So I thought I'd just put a word in there about how I have come out on the matter of "turning the other cheek" as well as the issue of personal revenge, and what the original point of that heavily misapplied saying/verse really was, as I understand it to be.

And it seems - whether due to your religious beliefs that others should adopt similar thinking? Your 'win" most likely (unless you're a robot) was squelched- meaning that your beliefs superseded your human emotions. If that's true, then you're a saint for sure:)

Theory (or religious tenets) do not always subsist with human emotions. Inasmuch as YOU are able to derive forgiveness from your religious beliefs, that is not readily feasible nor realistic with many.

You talk a good defense of your religion- especially in comparison to Judas, however discounting human reaction, memory and above all a loss of trust is NOT supported by your personal dissertation.Your inference that people can readily forgive is not only self-serving(religiously), but minimal in its actual psychological effects.

In summary, I'm happy that you and your wife were able to explore, talk, and eventually come to forgiveness, however for you to think that your personal situation is or should be a benchmark is quite frankly pompous and derelict of understanding whether religious or not. Personally, I have been involved with so-called religious people who consequently have been so devoid of tenets, therefore I am very suspect of those who claim or cite religious tenets, yet it's obvious when they don't actually fulfill or adhere to them.

Perhaps your wife erred as we all do on occasion..what's important is whether your wife's broken "tenets" can now be forgiven AND whether you can separate a blind and "forgiving" from your reality:)

Justsomeguy posted 3/28/2019 19:36 PM

The best revenge will be picking up my life and healing, then living well. I plan on being the best dad I can be and maybe, there might be a life long partner out there for me. I still have a long of me left to give. I honestly don't wish any I'll on my STBXWW. She will take care of that herself. I don't think she has the ability to be happy.

CatsEye posted 3/29/2019 10:55 AM

WornDown, Those Turn-the-Cheek articles were doing a whole lot more than telling me just to walk away. Those articles were telling me to forgive him as if he hadn't completely destroyed my life without even an empty apology. Those articles were telling me to show him loving kindness as if I hadn't already spent thirty years doing exactly that with my reward being long-term deception, betrayal, and the destruction of my future. Those articles were telling me that I shouldn't want revenge.

Well, guess what: I still do.

My post - by contrast - doesn't give people a great big sermon on what they OUGHT to do and what they OUGHT to feel in order to do the "right" thing. My post just asks people to consider a question in hopes that it would help them figure out how to handle their own situation in the way that will be best for them. My post doesn't ask people to forgive the unforgivable. My post doesn't ask people to show unwarranted kindness to the lying, backstabbing cheats who ruined lives and deserve to suffer for the rest of theirs. My post doesn't tell people that they shouldn't want revenge.

I posted what I saw because it helped me, and I thought it might help others. If it doesn't help you, that's a shame, but that's no reason for you to attempt to be hurtful or try to start an argument or whatever it is you're up to.

CatsEye posted 3/29/2019 11:04 AM

Matthew 5:39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.

Luke 6:29 And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloak forbid not to take thy coat also.

Hate to say it, Cephastion, but turning around to be stabbed in the other side seems to be exactly what those verses are advocating.