SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

MamaDragon posted 3/20/2019 13:56 PM

my WH was a medic too - his affair was with one his co-workers too.

I know for a fact that personal information is a big HIPPA violation. He could lose his medic license for sure if that came out.

I'm betting that there is more to the story than what he has told you. There are females that are Badge bunnies (ie anyone in a uniform is their game to hunt).

Be prepared for TT.

Notmine posted 3/21/2019 07:03 AM

Kudulies -

I am concerned. My husband had an affair with a client. He is a recovering addict, so he has an addictive personality. His lack of coping skills, moral integrity and his addiction to internet porn created a monster. His addiction progressed (they always do) into an affair. Internet porn has caused so many of us horrendous pain (and I am in no way putting the blame totally on it, for sure). It helped to create some horrible cartoon version of my husband. He became obsessed with fishing for other women, saw them as non-human and only as the means to his sick and twisted end. He wanted to participate in more and more perversion as normal, healthy sex could not get him stimulated. It took years of therapy IC AND MC to see a man who I could begin to trust again. He had one PA and was looking for another victim when I caught him. Your husband sounds like mine:lost. He will need intensive help to become a human again. I am not sure that he is even capable of R at this point. Make your child and yourself your first priority. You do not deserve someone who does not respect you and cannot see you.

cocoplus5nuts posted 3/21/2019 07:31 AM

((Hugs)), Kudulies

The resentments are a big thing for cheaters, imo. My fCH did the same thing. He was upset by things in our M, but rather than talk to me about them, he let them fester and built up resentments toward me. Then, he found a "friend" to unleash it all on.

While that may be how he felt, that was just an excuse to cheat, not the real reason why he felt it was ok to do.

manofintegrity posted 3/21/2019 08:02 AM

The predator preacher used similar fishing tactics. He would take notes for months about any married women in church that came without their husband. He would keep his texting professional until he gained their trust. Once his prey nibbled on the bait, he would start using those notes that he took 6-9 months prior to impress and charm through texting. Telling how horrible his wife treated him and how unhappy he was. Then that led to inappropriate texting and meeting them privately.

Your husband is doing the same thing. Taking notes at the accident scene or at the station about the girls that he finds interesting. Then finding an excuse to contact them for some risk assessment and let them know he is up for some player games.

You need to know, there are more than three women. You will see. These men are addicted to sex, porn and usually more. They always have women at different stages and usually 3 per year. They are psychopaths that will never be happy with the one wonderful wife of their own. They will always blame someone else for their poor choices. They are usually intelligent, arrogant, great liars, have superficial charm, grandiose sense of self, need for stimulation, manipulative, lack remorse or guilt, have shallow emotional response, lack empathy, lack realistic long-term goals, impulsive, fail to accept responsibility and proud of getting away with playing games on women. They have a character flaw that causes them to repeatedly make poor decisions and cheat. It is about power, control and manipulation.

[This message edited by manofintegrity at 8:33 AM, March 21st (Thursday)]

layla1234 posted 3/21/2019 16:27 PM

This makes me so sad. I never understood how the relationship progressed either with my WH. I didn't understand how it went from basic compliments to dick pics and naked photos without any physical contact. But he passed a polygraph and OW refused to speak to me so I'm just trying to accept it for what it is.

Kudulies posted 3/23/2019 11:43 AM

I have contacted all 3OW and let them know that I know what they did with MY husband.
No reply and blocked by 2 of them. One messaged my husband straight away asking w”why is your wife messaging me?”

I sent the Other BS of the PA a Facebook messenger as this is the only means I had of contacting him.
The circle is still grey with grey tick (which I assume means it wasn’t delivered or was but not read however I’m not that down with Facebook)
However- he and his wife (OW3) have blocked me from Facebook. I sincerely hope he read it and it wasn’t her with access to his Facebook blocking me.

I wrote:

Hi X
I’m not sure if you are away for work or back home.
However- I felt the need to share this with you.
I’m not sure if you and your wife (Y) have an open marriage and whether this is acceptable by the terms of your marriage agreement. However I wanted to inform you that your wife and my husband had an affair extended over last year.

I’m sorry to have to write this to you (I have written and deleted it numerous times) however ultimately came to the conclusion that this would be the ethical thing to do- to inform you. I wish someone had let me know.
Again I’m sorry.
Kudulies