SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I experienced a WTF moment at work recently that I thought worth sharing.

I was in the break room and there a few "respected" members at one of the tables. They were discussing two former employees who had carried on an affair during their time at the company. The man was married but I do not know if the woman was. Anyway, the consensus was that it was no big deal since the guy (and possibly the girl) divorced their spouses and now they're together. I just kind of looked at them in disbelief. I couldn't take it any more and I opened my yap and got into a bit of an argument with them. I said, "No big deal? What about the SO that were cheated on? What about the kids? I bet that thought it was a big deal!" Now I'm the asshole for saying something.

I just cannot get over how casual they were about the whole thing. With the exception of one guy, all the rest have been married for quite some time. You would think their reactions would be different but it was like, No big deal. I suppose none of them have ever experienced the "joy" thats infidelity, but really?

It was no big deal because it hasn't happened to them. I am sure they would have a different response if it were them wearing those shoes.

It was no big deal because it hasn't happened to them. I am sure they would have a different response if it were them wearing those shoes.

Exactly what I was going to say.

They don't understand it it because they haven't lived through it. It's like child birth. Nothing prepares you for the real thing.

It's like child birth. Nothing prepares you for the real thing.

This is why men don't truly understand women. Well, that and the way they drive...

For all you know, some of them might be cheating. Afterall, at one point while you were cheating on your family you thought it was no big deal.

I'm going to have to agree that they don't think it's a big deal because they have not been cheated on, lied to, hurt, embarrassed, shattered the way we have. Or they are having affairs and haven't gotten caught yet and are justifying infidelity as no big deal in their in mind to make them feel better about themselves. Sorry you had To be part of that conversation. Noone knows until it happens to them.

Good for you for speaking up. It's not acceptable behavior, but if no one says anything, they silently condone it.

You spoke up on behalf of the women and children these men had betrayed. All while continuing to lie to yours.

Kinda hypocritical of you.

Hellfire

So I should have said nothing? And by staying silent, I would be condoning their behavior. Great solution.

OMG, is Hellfire right?? If you have not told your BS what is in your profile, the question would be “What is wrong with you?”

You seem to think staying silent when it comes to your own 5-7 year affair is the best solution for your wife..so yeah. What did you accomplish by saying something to these men? Not a thing.

Do as I say..not as I do.

Maybe you should practice what you preach.

You’re logic is truly astounding. By your statements, I should be ok with what was said. That I could have stayed silent and said nothing. That I have no right to have an opinion on the subject of infidelity.

It’s equally amusing that you manage to interject the old confessional drum yet again. It wasn’t germane to this topic but please continue. Please fill up 5 or 6 pages on how I am wrong and still wayward. It doesn’t alter the fact that what I said in my OP was correct.

There you go again. "Confessional drum." So incredibly insulting to every betrayed spouse.

You spoke up and said it wasn't ok. You were right. It doesn't alter the fact that you are just like those you condemn.

I have no intention of truning this into a six page thread on doing the right thing. You won't listen. Most of us have given up.

There I go again because it’s true. The OP had absolutely nothing to do with confessing/not confessing yet you felt it necessary to interject the drumbeat into this discussion. Whether it is right or wrong of me to have not confessed is beside the point. It had absoluty nothing to do with what i posted yet you still managed to twist it around and shove it into this discussion.

Like a moth to a flame.

ff4152... there's an easy solution to everyone interjecting their opinion.

Take away their ammo.

Well I think a 'can't do right for doiiforng wrong' scenario for some people here. What would these people do if you had posted that you had sat and said nothing?

You had 2 courses of action, you took the best one.

I am glad you said something at least. Though if you really wanted to make an impact as I have done. You should have said, "I have been down that path and ......". It is amazing the impact being truthful about your own experience can open with other cheaters in your own circle. A physical connection where you can help each other, share wisdom, and bounce off ideas. Of course, my wife knows and doesn't mind. We have helped to council other couples and have had others help us. The authenticity there just adds to the integrity on a real path to true joy and love. We have many really true couple friends because they know, have been through, and seen the reality of our marriage path. The support is really comforting. The lessons others learn from you sharing your experience could be invaluable.

The best thing for you to do is really see yourself in that situation. As one of those trespassers, since that was who you were or are depending on an individuals definition of when infidelity ends. You have a strong opinion of what they did and of cheaters in general, but that is/was you at that time back then. Sometimes you come across as a breed separate from the rest of us waywards and more like a betrayed. I don't know if that is because you have never experienced what we have with a DDay and living with a betrayed spouse. Like you disassociate yourself as a wayward. Of which I agree with Hellfire. If the betrayed doesn't know, then I still think you are a cheater.

Wool

I would counter and say, why bring ammo where none is warranted? I have repeatedly said that I’m not at war by being steadfast in my opinion that not confessing for me right now is best. Yet everyone else is determined to “poke the bear” as it were? So why is incumbent on me to do everyone else’s bidding? Why interject when it’s not going to move the needle except to start more drama?

ff,

What is wrong with people is that society & popular TV shows on cable "The Affair" and the Marvelous Mss. Maisel on Amazon make affairs seem like entertainment, and filter out the associated pain and trauma of the betrayed spouse. They made an extramarital affair into a comedy, the actress who portrays Mrs. Masel seems unaffected and shows no anguish or sadness as a result of her betrayal. It's marginalized the trauma of affairs as no big deal. Everyone does it, its no big deal until it happens to them. Just reading JFO as a wayward, you look at your self in the mirror, and admit to yourself, I am that scumbag on the other side.

Going back to the casual aspect is that you cannot change those "respected members", unless you care to share your story with them, to provide perspective to them on how devastating it is with respect to the families. (and this is not a slam on you or your decision) Otherwise they will never get it.

You bring up a good point. Thank you for posting