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Back again, this time I won't survive it.

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Wool94 posted 4/25/2018 02:13 AM

ESD, we're here brother. Maybe it's time time call the hotline again.

I can't remember if I've mentioned it here yet or not.

My pastor, who is only 39, just lost his wife who was 38 (on their anniversary). They have 4 of the absolute sweetest children you ever wanted to meet.

They are devastated. No matter what you think, your kids need you in their lives. You're not just someone they can get over in a day or two. You are their father.

Much love and please make that call again.

ZenMumWalking posted 4/25/2018 10:51 AM

((((Emptyshelldad))))

I'm glad you are reaching out. You are holding yourself to a too high standard for being your children's father. You just BEING THERE makes you a GREAT father. You are NOT fucking them up by being there.

I'm so sorry that you are in that dark place. Is there any doctor that you can visit to discuss the possibility of meds, a gp or a psychiatrist? You are in urgent need of medical care, I hope that you are able to seek that out.

If you have a friend irl that you can talk to or just spend time with, that can also help.

Please call the hotline again, they are there to talk to you, they want to help you.

Keep reaching out, keep telling us what you are feeling. Right now it's not important whether your wife is angry with you, the most important thing is to stop beating yourself up.

Stay with us. You are needed.

((((Emptyshelldad))))

GuyInColorado posted 4/25/2018 11:09 AM

Take your pain and anger out at the gym. It's the best way to deal with it. You'll get strong and healthy in the process. Make it your new obsession. No mind altering substances allowed. Self control is a powerful thing. Eat and drink healthy.

Go see a doctor today to get on anti-depressants. You must do this. It will help you gain control again.

You can do this. Your kids need you. Suicide will royally fucks up kids. I've witnessed it first hand with my wife.

Also remember there is no such thing as soul mates. We are all replaceable. Don't be afraid to start over if she continues to betray you.

annb posted 4/25/2018 11:40 AM

Hi, please, please make an appt. with your doctor.

Medication will take a couple of weeks to start working, but you will feel so much better.

Many here, including myself, took medications to help us through the darkest hours. They are only temporary until you can find some clarity about your situation.

Sending a huge mamabear hug, and please hug those precious children tonight. You are in my thoughts and prayers every day.

[This message edited by annb at 11:41 AM, April 25th (Wednesday)]

WhatsRight posted 4/25/2018 12:19 PM

This is my first time posting on your thread, and I am mortally afraid that I will say the wrong thing.

You have received so much amazing love and compassion and comfort and advice here...I know I could never measure up to that.

Just about the best thing I have read here so far is those who have told you about their past experience with pain & suffering, and thoughts of ending their life – then told you what their life is like now. They two were once where you are now. They could not imagine their life moving forward without tremendous pain and anguish. Look at Skan, for example. What an amazing example she is for what can become of the emotional and mental hardship and perseverance and hard work and "rising above".

You say that you do not want to leave a legacy of your behaviors now for your children. I believe you are looking at that through your hurt and anguish. But for them, what they will see is that you gave up. And even though we all know it is not true, they will believe that they were not worth you persevering for them. They are babies who need their Daddy... what else are they going to think?

On the other hand, take whatever time it takes to become strong and healthy and happy again, and you will show them what it takes to be down and almost out, but to come back. That and your love for them. I can think of no two greater lesson you could teach your children if you live to be 500 years old.

One thing I would like to say to you is that, from my perspective as a believer, life is a gift from God. It is not ours to throw away. We can screw it up. We can behave badly and react badly. But it is a gift that is not ours to give away.

I KNOW that you are going to respect your faith. I KNOW that you are going to be an example for your children – what happens in hard times and how to persevere.

And, in the meantime… There's us, suicide prevention, there's your children, and there's your faith. Use all of these things to your betterment. To your survival. God bless you.

GOD DONT MAKE NO JUNK!!!

Booyah posted 4/25/2018 15:44 PM

ESD,

You stated before, "our town has NO counsellors".

In your first post you said, "she has betrayed me in a way I never thought imaginable".

"I'm short on details but Dday was two nights ago...confrontation went badly..she denied it all and called me crazy"

"I have NO ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS".

Followed by, "I don't think she realizes the damage she does by lying to me or only confessing after I have shown solid proof and then only confessing to just what I already know".

"I found some more bad truths after being sworn to that I was getting the whole story".

"I am the type that needs to know absolutely everything that went on between her and the other GUYS".

"Even though she drinks pretty regularly. Every night during the AFFAIRS".

ESD you have nobody to talk to and you're holding all of this in and by doing so you're about to explode.

It's not an accident you found this place my friend!!!

Why don't you share what's going on (specific details) with people here who have been EXACTLY where you currently are?

What do you have to lose? Getting all of this out might help you.

What's the specific proof you have of your wife's affair(s)?

Listen, I am not trying to meddle my friend, but you're out in the middle of nowhere with no help and nobody to talk to about this and by the GRACE OF GOD you found this place.

TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE COUNTLESS PEOPLE HERE WHO CAN HELP YOU NAVIGATE A WAY OUT OF THIS.

You've been knocked down and gutted (for the second time in your life).

There are COUNTLESS people here who are reaching down into the hole you're in right now to help pull you out. Please do NOT slap their hands away and sink further down into the hole.

GRAB HOLD OF THEIR HANDS AND LET THEM HELP YOU MY FRIEND!!!

The more specific you can be with what's going on the more helpful the advice will be.....again from people who have been (and are) right where you are this very minute.

Take the first step and grab hold of these caring hands my friend.

People are here because they TRULY CARE ABOUT YOU and want to help you navigate your way to a place of peace.

THIS PLACE OF PEACE DOES EXIST ESD EVEN THOUGH YOU CAN'T SEE IT RIGHT NOW.

Step out in faith ESD.

Hurtmyheart posted 4/26/2018 00:35 AM

Hi ESD,

Have you noticed what some of our names are here on SI? My name is hurtmyheart and believe me, most all of us understand your pain. It's the worst emotion that you may ever feel but emotions do come and go. I also went down to very dark places (and still do sometimes). Believe me, I do understand where you go. And each time I reached out to others to bring me back, just as you are doing here.

You mentioned that your wife drinks. She needs to stop. My husband used to drink heavily and the best thing he did was to stop. And he did. Alcohol impairs the judgement. Stay away from it. Like others on here have mentioned, make an appointment with your doctor if you need help.

Don't give up so quickly, there are solutions. Keep reaching out and try praying to God and ask for guidance. God is there, listen for him. Tell your wife where you are at in your mind, don't keep this from her, she really needs to know. I understand that it's a scary time but you can get through it.

Wool94 posted 4/26/2018 04:53 AM

ESD, can you check in my friend?

chelsea9 posted 4/26/2018 05:05 AM

You can and will survive it.

I spoke at a friend's funeral in November after he decided to take his own life. If he could have seen the outpouring of love in the room, maybe he would have seen the hope.

So see the love in the room now, from your kids, your friends and your family. Reach out for help and keep reaching out. And remember there is always hope, there is always a way forward, one step at a time.

Emptyshelldad posted 4/28/2018 19:20 PM

Hi friends.

Where I live I.now have no.data coverage so I cant really post much. That makes.it really hard. But I.wanted to.check in and say thank you again to each and every person who took.the time to post and help me. I'm trying.so.hard to hold on. Every day.is a struggle. Pray for me, and thank you again.

Wool94 posted 4/28/2018 19:29 PM

Praying. Much love brother. Check in whenever you can.

steadychevy posted 4/28/2018 19:44 PM

Praying, Emptyshelldad.

ZenMumWalking posted 4/28/2018 20:04 PM

I am thinking of you, sending out positive thoughts and strength, and holding you and your children in my heart.

Thank you for updating. Please update again when you can.

((((Emptyshelldad))))

burninghouse posted 4/28/2018 20:40 PM

(((Emptyshelldad))) - so good to hear from you!

Sending prayers, good vibes, strength, courage and love.

Please check back often or when you're able. Let us know how you're doing. We're here for you!

Keep hangin in there. You're going to get through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

brokendreamer posted 4/28/2018 20:57 PM

Keep posting when you can, you're doing good, you got over the shock and are getting through each day

Do you have a friend or vicar/priest (is it usually a pastor in the states?) that you could go talk to?

One foot in front of the other, hour by hour but you're moving forward, you got this, proud of you.

I remember posting here 5 weeks ago when I wanted to give up too, I took all the support I could from members, probably drove a few crazy with my irrational rantings. But I kept posting, kept listening, followed the advice and I;m so glad I did.

Time to start taking the advice on board and soaking up the support.


StillStanding1 posted 4/28/2018 23:22 PM

Holding you up in prayer. Stay with us. You will get through this. Your kids need you. Always think of them. Let them be your inspiration to keep pushing through. Give yourself time to heal. One day at a time. There can be better days and years ahead. This level of pain is temporary. It WILL get better. You have good days ahead.

IceThee posted 4/28/2018 23:31 PM

Thinking and praying for you often! Glad to see your post today. We’re all with you friend.

Lovingmyselfmore posted 4/29/2018 00:20 AM

You are in my prayers ((((emptyshelldad))))

pureheartkit posted 4/29/2018 00:37 AM

Thanks for letting us know you're still reading here. We care about you.

Tawnee1969 posted 4/29/2018 01:50 AM

I have BPD. My go to is suicidal thoughts.No amount of think of the kids, no one is worth it works for me.

The way I get over these is to plan.

I tell myself I will do it in 2 weeks. I plan how it will happen. I go over it and over it. This thought gives me peace. Then after 2 weeks I give myself another 2 weeks.

By this time the immediate need has gone.

Maybe try this.

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