Pogre ( member #86173) posted at 9:16 PM on Friday, September 11th, 2026
The total disregard for my feelings....I know that y'all have seen and experienced way more than me, but this is the worst moment of my life.
There is no measuring stick or gauge that determines how badly or compares how an affair hurts someone vs another. For each and every one of us it's the worst experience of our lives.
My heart breaks reading your posts because I know exactly how the fuck you feel. I really do. I wish there was a magic phrase or strategy we could offer that could help, but unfortunately there just isn't. Only time.
What you don't want to do is nothing. From everything we can see she's giving you fewer and fewer options. Based on her behavior and actions there's an ever so slight, but unlikely chance that she might turn this around once divorce is officially on the table, but I wouldn't bet on it. From what I can tell, it's the only card you have left unless you're prepared to continue living in this limbo while your wife continues working and maintaining some sort of relationship with this guy and continuing to stomp on your very real, very justified, and very raw feelings.
You will eventually start feeling better. It just takes longer than anyone wants it to. I'm sorry brother. I'm sorry you're being put through this.
Where am I going... and why am I in this handbasket?
OhItsYou ( member #84125) posted at 9:23 PM on Friday, September 11th, 2026
If she starts to rage at you as you believe she will, just tell her "sorry you feel that way, all of this is caused by your actions, and your actions alone." Then walk away. Don’t bother engaging in a war of words.
beetrain6 (original poster new member #87705) posted at 2:16 AM on Saturday, September 12th, 2026
Have been talking/texting with the OM's wife the past 24 hours and his lies are just as good (or bad) as my WW's. Difference is, he's in counseling and talking about renewing their vows. Calling the A a mistake and a fling. My WW doesn't know this of course as she's still being fed lies and living in a fantasy. OM's wife felt the need to share with me how many times my WW F'd her man and such - details I'll never be able to get out of my head. Knowing any guy, or girl for that matter, when confronted, the number given is typically way less than the true number. So yeah, I have that to deal with tonight. I'm numb. I finally picked up medication that was prescribed by my psych this morning. Have not taken, but look forward to not feeling so much anxiety and emotions. I started to look back at the original post and all of your responses and it genuinely made me cry. I want to say that it brought me full circle, but I'm not there yet. I thank all of you for taking the time to read my OP, chime in and offer advice. I'd give special shout outs to a few for going above and beyond, but you know who you are - so thank you. It means more to me than you'll ever fucking know.
I am hurting so bad but I do see light, as glim as it may be. I do need a hug so if you have one, please send it my way. Love to you all
Oh, and I took out a $10k loan and should have the funds on Monday. Attorney is on retainer
WoodThrush2 ( member #85057) posted at 6:10 AM on Saturday, September 12th, 2026
Beetrain,
Big virtual embrace to you friend. What you are feeling is so very justified. The pain is real. You will survive this. Don't try to escape the grief, but embrace it to do its healing work.
I can tell you this, when I was in the depths of my grief, I found great comfort knowing that God understood and cared. I would slowly read through and pray through Psalms and He was there. He showed me His heart. He will do the same for you. ❤️🙏
