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Now my cheating soon to be ex is threatening to sue me. Telling me that its defamation to tell people he cheated. I have proof but I cant use it in court. Other than a text message of me saying he cheated and him replaying yes. But I have screen shots of their conversations that I cant use in court because his phone was passcoded. Talking about having sex and even discussing plans to do it without a condom. He knows he is a liar and a cheater. So the fact that he would sue me for telling others is insane. He really only cares about his image. Doesn't want anyone to know the disgusting things he has done to our marriage. I don't know how much more of this harassment I can take.

You are divorcing from a dirty liar and a cheater.

I would not worry much about those threats. He is trying to manipulate you, eventually it will add to his fault in the divorce

Have you asked your lawyer about this? I wouldn’t worry about it because how can he prove his damage that is caused by your defamation vs a part of the divorce process? Unless his startup is losing investors because they heard about the upcoming divorce (yes it would be the divorce they worry about not why you divorce), otherwise I would imagine 80% of divorces would have this defamation filed by both parties.

Tell him to go ahead and sue you. You will then sue him plus lawyers expenses and fees and interest.

Tell him to have his lawyer contact your lawyer.

Don’t be afraid of this tactic. He’s a bully.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 10:44 AM, Tuesday, January 20th]

there's nothing to really handle regarding threats to sue. Threats are just talk.

Generally, truth is an absolute defense to defamation. In most cases, by initiating legal action against you, he would actually grant you discovery rights that could potentially give you that evidence anyway AND he may very well draw even more attention to his bad behavior by putting the situation in the public record. To succeed, he would most likely have to prove what you are saying is false and you knew it was false. Consult an attorney for specific advice for your case.

Again threats are just talk. HE says it's defamation, which brings me to another adage: don't take legal advice from the opposing party.

Nonsense! He would have to prove that the accusations were false, that you knew they were false, and that you acted with malicious intent. He's either bluffing or ignorant of how defamation cases are handled by the courts.

Politely let him know that if he does sue, the information will be made a part of the public record.

And then remind him that he's a dumbass.

Thank you everyone you really set my mind as ease. Funny enough I ran the scenario through chatgpt that essentially said a lawyer would not advise him to act on that situation and if they did it would come with them telling him to remain silent and sending me a cease and desist. Chatgpt basically said he likely doesnt even have a lawyer based on his words and actions. This isnt the first time I suspected he doesnt. On top of two weird "my lawyer advised me" situations, this being the second, no lawyer fees at all showing up in the account, and no lawyer called on his call logs, im starting to believe there really isnt one. That his "lawyer" is either bis brother or friends giving him advice. This is so deranged but on brand with the pathological liar he is. Oh and the timing of these lawyers. He was supposedly made aware of the "defamation" today and his lawyer was immediately available to discuss it with him immediately without an appointment on a holiday? The last was was in the middle of a weekend. Meanwhile I had to wait weeks to get in with my lawyer. And she certainly isnt accessible the very minute I need her on weekends and holidays to give me advice.

[This message edited by WoundedFox at 4:04 AM, Tuesday, January 20th]

BINGO.

I believe everything you were told by torso1500 is solid.

Check it out.

His thought process is pretty darn funny.

He’s mad b/c you said he cheated and you have "damaged his reputation". So he’ll sue you and make it public that he "did not cheat" despite the fact you have evidence he did.

Wow being married to him sounds like a real "fun" time.

So sorry for you.

If a person actually files a defamation suit, the defendant has a right to discovery.

That process requires the plaintiffs to turn over information regarding the allegations, among other things.

So in your case, your partner would be required to hand over emails, texts, phone records, photos, videos, receipts, credit card charges, and any other information related to interactions with the AP.

You could also depose the AP, and the partner of the AP.

A threat like what your partner made is meant to make you afraid and stop talking about what he did.

But the truth is that your partner has a hell of a lot to lose if they filed such a suit.

If my husband made such a threat, I would look him right in the eyes and say, "Please, file. Because discovery is a bitch."

This right here from 5Decades will shut him up!

If my husband made such a threat, I would look him right in the eyes and say, "Please, file. Because discovery is a bitch."

Your husband is an idiot. If his concern is protecting his image, then he should be offering you a generous settlement and a peaceful, amicable divorce... not taking you to court and making his misdeeds a manner of public record.

Did you hear him right? What with his track-record

Did he threaten to sue you,
Or...
Did he threaten to do Sue?

A threat like that would make me ramp up exposure to 10X more people than I had initially envisioned. What a stupid threat.

Okay, I haven't been here that long, but I've read a crapload of threads and this is a first. Your husband is a real humdinger. You don't have anything to work with here.

That said, I'd goad him into suing me. He won't like discovery at all. They'll subpoena all of his texts, emails... all communications, and interview anyone connected to the situation. If he thinks he's upset because you told a few people he's just going to love it when the legal process blows everything up and shines a spotlight on his bad behavior.

Most attorneys will not accept his "case" because they will have a very difficult time representing him.

First he has a credibility issue. Pit him on the stand? Most likely cannot happen.

Second in the pre-trial discovery period, evidence will be presented. Once credible evidence is presented he HAS NO LEGAL CLAIM. He’s not been harmed and it’s not a false statement.

These are the types of situations that show stupidity. The CHEATER has no idea what he’s talking about. It’s actually funny because the cheater thinks he can control everything.

Wait until he realizes he is no longer in control.

PS My H insisted I tell no one he was a cheater. After dday2 I didn’t care who knew. I was no longer protecting him.

"Discovery" would destroy him. Smile and enjoy that tiny guilty pleasure of knowing it. Get some popcorn, a drink and tell him to blow monkeys. He is all wind and no sail.

Defamation is incredibly hard to prove. He is standing in legal quicksand.

Key Elements to Prove
False Statement: The statement must be objectively false and presented as fact, not opinion.

Publication: It must have been communicated (spoken or written) to at least one person other than you (the plaintiff).

Identification: The statement must clearly refer to you.

Fault:
Private Individuals: Must show the speaker was at least negligent (didn't use reasonable care).
Public Officials/Figures: Must prove actual malice (the speaker knew it was false or acted with reckless disregard for the truth).
Damages: You must show the statement caused actual harm to your reputation, finances, or caused other specific losses (e.g., job loss, mental anguish)

I forgot to add this:

In the case of a civil action, which this would be, the plaintiff must testify.

He cannot plead the 5th, because he is the one bringing the action. He must prove his case, and testify to the damages he alleges. This opens him up to cross-examination, and that would be a humdinger given his behavior.

On the extremely off chance he might find a sleazy attorney to take this case, it’s a loser from the get-go.