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Why have I known this man for almost a decade and he still doesn’t know my eye color? Why does this bother me because his fair partner had beautiful blue eyes that I immediately noticed when I saw her picture? And even today he said my eyes are brown. They’re not brown. I’ have heterochria one eye is brown and my eye is green. How doesn’t he know this?

I wanted to let you know I hear you. I would be very hurt if my spouse could not tell me what color my eyes are. That would make me feel invisible, and I'm sorry he's hurt you like that.

I also wanted to say that I think heterochria is so cool. When I was a kid, one of the girls in my cabin at camp had one brown eye and one green eye, and to this day, I still think those are the prettiest eyes I have ever seen.

Doesn’t that stuff just irk ya?😡🤪

I think he knows what color(s) your eyes are.

Why did he answer the way he did?

Ask him.

What was the context? Was he answering a quick question or was it a conversation about eye color?

just another thought

Maybe he is partially color blind?

Very few men are "color blind" - what THEY ARE is they (who have the color perception issue) see red and green different from "normal" people. Blue perception very rarely affected by those souls (me being one) who have the rods & cones differences in our eyes that result is "us" perceiving red and green different from normal folks. (a through explanation can be found on the Internet)

In particular, pastels are very hard to see as those who are normal see. Also, the less light - the harder to determine color.
Also, smaller "bits" of color (red, green) are much more difficult to discern.

Blue eyes stand out like a light beacon to those of us that are "color blind" -

so I would drop that hassle that is bothering you over his eye-color ID issues

I would guess my wife's eyes to be brown but knowing I'm "color challenged" - I would look at her drivers license to find out her eye color.

Most of us with the DNA bestowed Rods&Cones issue live life normal. Only time it is an issue is choosing a paint color @ Home Depot.

I get it. Bothered me too.

And man- heterochria is stunning.

🤩

As for color blindness- I dyed my blonde hair red one time and my bf at the time didn’t notice. Ends up he was color blind 🤷🏼‍♀️. Who knew.

[This message edited by BearlyBreathing at 2:15 AM, Friday, March 7th]

Thank you all for your responses. I think this is honestly just coming from a place of neurobiology trying to find a path of pain. This is an old problem. He claims to have never known my eye color. He also claims to not know the eye color of his five-year affair partner. With her bright blue eyes. He says that he never notices anybody’s eye color. He’s also definitely not colorblind. It’s just about looking in my eyes and knowing me intimately. I challenged him to text one of my children and ask them my eye color and he did to which they immediately responded. I don’t know. I’m just looking for problems now because I think a lot of things have been revealed about his affairs and I’m still searching for the pain. I think it’s called pain shopping.

Dandelion2004, I am a ws. If you'd rather not hear from us, I apologize and please read past this.

I'm so sorry this is bothering you. My husband also questioned his physical attributes, whether I preferred his to the APs. It just wasn't how I thought about it. My husband feels much more settled now but it took a lot of reassurance.

I know my husband loves me to pieces, but he does not notice my physical appearance AT ALL. In fact, it's a gentle running joke with me and his sisters and my daughters and nieces. I don't like going to the salon and so I'll get my hair cut to my shoulders and then let it grow and grow and grow. So when I go, I get 6 or 8 inches cut off. The girls' text chain will take bets on whether he will notice. He NEVER has. Not once.

However,

One time when we were using a shared calendar I had a hair appointment I had to cancel at the last minute. He came home, gazed at me lovingly, and said, "I love your haircut."

Some men really, really, really don't notice. Even if they love you to pieces.

I don't know the rest of your situation, but I think his noticing of your fantastically unique, warm and gentle eye color, and his love for you, are not related.

Also, bright blue eyes look alien on unkind people.

Warmly, P