SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Bruce,

AP, happy? I doubt it.

And, all things considered, who would you rather be in life, you, or your husband?

I’m guessing, you.

So, maybe feel a little pity for your husband, and then it won’t seem so unfair.

FPP, you’re right I know you are but sometimes it’s so difficult.
I am so grateful for the days I can see the positive side of things, then I have a couple of bad days and I'm in agony.

As for AP it’s nearly three years since she last had contact with my H, she’s now engaged. She had no problem in taking pride telling me everything she has done with my H, at times lying and torturing me, before the polygraph I asked her if she’d had PIV with my H at the Christmas party, she told me she was that drunk she can’t remember what happened on that night, turns out they barely even spoke to each other. The anger I feel towards her is unreal, part of me wants to do to her as she’s done to me but unlike her I’ve NEVER been tuned down by a man in my life. I could never lower myself to be such a scumbag in order to seek revenge but at times I wish I could, it feels like she’s had her little bit of fun chasing my H, ruined my marriage and now she gets to be happy without consequences. POS!.

I’ve actually thought about that just the other day FPP, I thought had I done the same to my H as he’s done, I came to the conclusion that I would have to leave and D. The guilt and shame would consume me, I would not be able to look him in the face nor go through what I’ve put him through or he’s witnessed these past three months with me, I’ve been a mess and to see him like that would kill me.

I do have pity for him but it’s short lived.

Bruce,

Your marriage isn’t ruined, but my goodness, it’s being tested.

If we weren’t going to be attracted to others along the way, we wouldn’t need vows, and promises, and ceremonies.

Maybe it was those vows, and promises, and ceremonies; your marriage, that kept him from upgrading his membership.

" I’ve actually thought about that just the other day FPP, I thought had I done the same to my H as he’s done, I came to the conclusion that I would have to leave and D. The guilt and shame would consume me, I would not be able to look him in the face nor go through what I’ve put him through or he’s witnessed these past three months with me, I’ve been a mess and to see him like that would kill me."

Yeah, it sounds like he wants you, a lot.

Bruce I know how you feel and I have anger towards the AP too but mainly pity. She was/is unattractive and desperate and if you read the post about 'affairing down' you're seeing you are worth so much more than her. I won't contact the AP for details as I wouldn't be able to tell if she was lying or not.

Block her, do not look at her social media, focus on you 💓

As for details, your husband probably does not remember the exact details like mine. It sounds like he's been honest with you as far as he can - am I right in thinking he admitted to having sex with sex workers before or was that someone else? If so, he has no reason to lie about how many times he kissed her.

Have you both looked into IC yet? Are you based in UK?

FPP, you’re right I know you are! It makes perfect sense and it’s staring me straight in the face.

Evio, yes that’s my H! Historical cheating with sex workers, 3 times the last being 2009 if I remember correctly. I do think I’m strange because of the fact that it doesn’t really bother me, they meant nothing to him it was just sex and with the last one he couldn’t maintain an E. how he absolutely sobbed telling me about these sex workers upset me more than what he actually did.
This recent cheating has absolutely floored me though and there was no sexual intercourse or oral sex, kissing and touching only on and off for over two years, he self corrected and stopped messing around with her almost 3 years ago and told me all of this NYE 2024.
He did not have sex with her and it’s absolutely destroying me, mental how the mind works.
She’s 22 years younger than me and still not fit to lace my boots but she still managed to divert my H attention and that hurts.
It’s the wanting to make her pay that bothers me too, why can’t I let it go? I get so angry I literally shake.

I’m not in IC but I’m receiving CBT and am being referred for counselling after completing the course. H and I have agreed he will go to IC in a couple of months, the reason being nothing seems to be going in for us both at the minute, I don’t think the CBT is helping at all I can’t even focus on it. We’re based in the UK yes.

I think the counselling helps things go in better than CBT. My counsellor has been able to challenge some of my negative thoughts, given me a placement to vent and helped me devise strategies for the tough days.

My Husbands counsellor has made him look at his behaviour and acknowledge the devastation he has caused better than my explosive angry or sobbing has.

I know what you mean about the sex verses the kissing .. my husband had a serious of quick shags with his AF (with her kids asleep upstairs 🤢)rather than emotional intimacy but I hate the fact they sexted/texted as it feels more intimate in a weird way 🤷

I want revenge too and I'm not sure why, she didn't cheat on me, my husband did! I guess I just want her to realise what a lowlife she is but then I'd be lowering myself to her standards. We mustn't stoop or we'd lose our crowns, let's hold our heads high 👑

Evio & FPP,

Thank you both for your positive, uplifting words. I can’t imagine what life would be like without SI especially on days like today when my emotions get the better of me.