GoStarShine (original poster new member #85364) posted at 3:48 PM on Friday, October 25th, 2024
My boyfriend had an affair, but he never confirmed it and I know this because I received messages telling me about it.
He was different with me while he was cheating on me, and I even know who he cheated on me with, it was someone close from work, they were always together.
It annoyed me.
But after I became suspicious, I became paranoid, I even chase him when he leaves the house, and I think they're over.
She's also in a relationship, and since I became suspicious they've never spoken to each other.
We were all friends, but my boyfriend and his supposed mistress have completely changed and avoid being together.
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 4:07 PM on Friday, October 25th, 2024
A boyfriend [or dating] is the audition for marriage. He failed the audition.
I'm sorry - but it is time to move on. He's shown you who he is - believe him.
"Over" doesn't mean the wayward behavior is over.
Run. I know it hurts but you dodged a bullet.
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 6:02 PM on Friday, October 25th, 2024
But after I became suspicious, I became paranoid, I even chase him when he leaves the house, and I think they're over.
You're not paranoid. He WAS cheating and lying about it. That's gaslighting. He might still be cheating and keeping it on the downlow.
Why are you still with him?
Did you tell her partner?
Gasping for air while volunteering to give others CPR is not heroic.
Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.
GoStarShine (original poster new member #85364) posted at 3:10 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024
I don't have the courage to tell her partner, I think he's suspicious too, but it's very difficult to talk about betrayal.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 3:55 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024
A person who is cheating but won't acknowledge it is a terrible candidate for R. Whether he's still cheating with his ap or not, he's still lying to you - and to himself. He simply cannot be a good partner while lying.
If you choose to do this - stay with an unrepentant cheater - to yourself, please talk to someone about how to change yourself from someone who accepts - desires? - poor treatment from a partner to someone who loves and respects yourself.
I'm so sorry you're in this sitch - but you're the only one who can get you out of it - and you really can do that, however difficult it may seem.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 4:30 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024
I don't have the courage to tell her partner, I think he's suspicious too, but it's very difficult to talk about betrayal.
It really is, but it's even more difficult in the long run if you don't talk about it.
Gasping for air while volunteering to give others CPR is not heroic.
Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 6:46 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2024
Run don't walk. The writing is on the wall. It only gets worse after you are married and tied down with kids. Save yourself the future headache.
fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 7:05 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2024
So you’re expecting a liar and cheater to admit to you he lied and cheated. 
And if he never admits it, at least expect it to happen again. Because experience has proven that a person who can get away with lying and cheating will continue to do so as long as they can.
I hope you decide to find a new BF. You deserve better than this.
[This message edited by The1stWife at 2:21 AM, Wednesday, October 30th]
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Fantastic ( member #84663) posted at 7:11 PM on Tuesday, October 29th, 2024
A
Run. I know it hurts but you dodged a bullet.
Especially if he didn’t confirm it! He is a rug sweeper and is that the person you want to be married to? How many more things will he be hiding from you?
Does he look like a safe partner? Imagine when you have children and in laws to deal with? You would be drowning!
[This message edited by Fantastic at 1:29 PM, Monday, November 4th]
