Hi everyone. It's been awhile since I posted on here. I always feel like my SI family understands things like very people can. For those that don't know my background, I have the typical cheating, selfish, egocentric, untrustworthy ex-husband. Mine just took this role a bit more serious and is a true jerk. Anyway.....I just wanted to know if someone on here has dealt with a similar situation that I am now having to deal with. Also was hoping for guidance and reassurance.
My XWH did get his "dream" position as a GM last year. It was not with BMW, but with Ford. (Which in his eyes, was a downgrade). Either way, that was short-lived, as he was fired from the company in November of last year. Yes, fired. This is the same company he worked with the OW in. The same company he put in front of his own children. The company that had "promised" he would eventually become GM of the BMW dealership that he poured his heart and soul into for years. The same company that the OW is apparently still working for. 
But here we are. Of course, I did not find out from him, but rather from a close friend that still works there. Months later, I hinted to him that I knew and he did not deny it. The alimony and child support payments continued as normal, so I did not question anything. I also came to find out that he got hired at another dealership in March, with the same management position he held years ago. But again, he never mentioned anything to me at all. A couple of months ago, he made a comment to me about having financial difficulties and not being able to pay for his portion of medical bills and extra-curricular activities that we had agreed upon. (I have an app that I download everything I pay for out-of-pocket with copies of receipts and other relevant information.) We are supposed to reimburse each other within 30 days and he has never really done that. He pays me when he "feels like it". Sometimes it is every 3 months. Sometimes every 2 months. Sometimes he goes longer. I never really complained about it because he has been consistent with the alimony and child support.
Last week, I messaged him about a large medical bill I had received for our daughter and registering our son for soccer next season, both of which he is responsible for 50% of. (I wanted to make him aware of this expense before paying and downloading it in the app. Which is what I do every single time.) He responded "I have been trying not to think about how to tell you this but I just have to come out and say it. I just can't afford it any longer. I truly don't know how I can afford to pay you the amount. My pay is different now and I'm now sure how to move on. Not sure if we have to go to court and have my situation accessed over. I just can't make all these payments like I use to. I have no lifestyle any longer so I'm just left to tell you as it is. It's not that I don't want to pay you, It's that I just don't have it to pay as you can see on the app." As most of you know, I work at a law firm that practices family law. I immediately spoke to my boss about it and his immediate response "No, that is not what was agree upon. He has made choices that have put him in this position." The thing is......I understand his pay has decreased. (Even though I have no idea how much) But of course, that is the only thing my XWH is looking at. He is not looking at the "big picture". Him and the OW purchased a huge, expensive home 2 years ago. (They are 2 adults with no children at home. Neither of our children have ever slept there. Our son visits him for 4 hours a week and our daughter refuses to step foot to his home.) Both him and the OW drive BRAND NEW X5. He purchased an expensive engagement ring for the OW last summer. They like the image of the lifestyle they are living. I, on the other hand, live in a moderate townhome with both our children and 2 dogs. I still drive the same car I had when we were married. (I have had it since 2018) I did not want to put myself in a financial position where I was using all my income on a huge home or fancy car. I rather be able to give my kids things they like and do things together. I have gone on a vacation with both my kids every summer since 2022. I take my kids out and try to have as much fun with them as possible He choose his financial priorities and I choose mine.
He is now saying that we have a lifestyle and he doesn't and it isn't fair. 
And how in the world is that OUR fault??? These are things that I most certainly will need to bring to the court's attention! ALSO, no one even knew that he was living with the OW at the time of our divorce. He had another household income already helping him during that time. Now, he still has that extra income.....so that also needs to be taken into consideration. It works both ways. If I move in with someone, I lose my alimony. So if he is living with someone, that should count towards him trying to decrease the amount he pays me. ALSO....the logical thing is if you are struggling financial, how about downgrading one of your fancy vehicles BEFORE trying to take money away from your children and their mother???? OR maybe downgrade your huge home that you don't need, because you are only 2 adults!
My biggest issue is what he is saying to our kids. Father' Day was Sunday. My daughter barely goes out with him. (She sometimes goes out Father's Day and his birthday.) Instead of using his time to bond with his kids, he spent the entire 4 hours with them complaining about how he has no lifestyle. He actually said to our kids "I love that you guys are going on vacation. I can't go anywhere because I have to pay your mother. But here you guys are wearing brand name clothes and living a luxury life style" 
My kids were upset. We do not live a luxury lifestyle. Yes, I buy my kids nice clothes at times. Yes, I take them out to dinner and do things with them. I just choose to spend my money on making memories with them rather than driving around a new car and pulling up to a huge home. And now we are going to be punished for this? When I received his text message on Friday, I responded "Father's Day is Sunday. Why don't you focus on your day with them and having fun. We will touch base next week about this". I did this because I know how he is. I did not want to get into a conversation about money with him because he becomes extremely demeaning. I did not want this to turn into an issue that he then used my kids as his personal "dumping ground" for.....but he did it anyway! (And yes, this is documented and it will be brough to the court's attention that he is saying these things to our children.) This has happened way too may times in the past.
I am just annoyed that he is saying this to our kids and blaming what he AGREED to pay me on the fact that he is now struggling. I had a plan to get myself back on track and help my kids as much as possible. Our daughter starts driving this summer and I have to help her with car insurance. I threw her a Sweet 16 party, completely on my own this past February. He literally helped me with NOTHING. But he had enough money to buy an engagement ring for the woman he had an affair with for years. This just isn't fair. Please reassure me that I am not going crazy? Am I being unreasonable here? I mean...he did lose his job and was not working for a few months. My boss told me that we have a strong case and I have every right for feeling the way I do. But sometimes I just second guess myself and don't know how to feel about anything 
anymore. I am just exhausted. It has been YEARS of dealing with him and his selfish a**.
[This message edited by Mari104 at 9:24 PM, Wednesday, June 19th]
