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Newest Member: cobblerock

New Beginnings :
New Beginning for those who were married 20plus years…

Topic is Sleeping.
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 SatyaMom (original poster new member #83919) posted at 11:58 AM on Friday, April 5th, 2024

I was a stay at home mom and wife- Im educated, sharp, but this was a lifestyle choice that worked for our family. I was very good at it! Then DD. My WS wanted to repair things but I just couldn’t move forward and am at the point of creating a new life that is a healthier fit for me. We are well off financially but I know my quality of life will decrease, which is fine, and I have a part time job but am nervous because Im 59 , still have a lot of years, and can’t really support myself. Would love to hear from others who have rebuilt their lives- found peace, a fulfilling life as a divorced, empty nester in midlife.

posts: 50   ·   registered: Sep. 26th, 2023   ·   location: East Coast
id 8832198
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 3:52 PM on Friday, April 5th, 2024

I filed for D the week before our 34th anniversary. XWH couldn't do the work to be safe, and I wasn't going to stick around any longer to be mistreated by him. I've worked full time for almost our entire M, so that is one thing that is different for me. FWIW, I'll be 61 on Saturday.

Without XWH around, I actually have more money. I've finally found contentment. I can do what I want, when I want and not have to walk on eggshells to keep XWH happy.

The wine spring barrel tasting event is coming up in a couple of weeks, and I'm going for the first time. I've rented a hotel room and bought tickets to a wine maker's dinner. I can read as long as I want without XWH complaining that I read all the time and didn't pay attention to him.

Have you seen an attorney to get an idea of what D would look like for you? Due to the length of time you were married, you should receive spousal support.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3567   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8832328
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EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 1:30 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2024

Im educated

Are you able use this to re-enter a career? Is your part-time job something you can morph into a full-time one? It is never too late to enter another field if you want. I went back to college during my D. The guy who sat beside me in class was in his eighties!! I was worried about looking so old but it turned out my class was full of folks older than me.

We are well off financially

Even with your half of the assets and potentially spousal support; it won't be enough until you can get a full-time career underway? As Leafields said, if you haven't already seen an attorney, please do. It is much better to plan when you understand what you are working with. You might even be able to get extra support if you want to return to school to increase your earning potential.

Would love to hear from others who have rebuilt their lives- found peace, a fulfilling life as a divorced, empty nester in midlife.

The peace is priceless!

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 3:55 PM, Tuesday, May 7th]

posts: 6903   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2009   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 8832622
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Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 2:54 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2024

Here is my situation. Just turned 57, so I need to update my signature. Married 27 years when I filed, 31 when the divorce was finalized.

Counting from S, it's been 6.5 years roughly. Sometimes I can't believe it's been that long, as the pain seems like yesterday.

I've dated a bit but not found anyone I truly connect with or that truly connects with me. Given the transitory and transactional nature of human relationships these days, the likelihood of finding a partner is not very high, but I'm hopeful. I try not to let being alone define me, but I fail at that sometimes. It ebbs and flows.

When it gets heavy, I try to think back and temember the soul crushing pain I was in after Dday and juxtapose that with my life now. Then things seem better. I also try to remember my actual M and not celebrate the fantasy one I had constructed in my head. This helps a lot. Plus my kids remind me of the good times with them.

I would say I have peace now... every morning I drink out of a mug with "peace" emblazoned on it. I bought it when I first moved out and it reminds me of the pain I no longer feel.i certainly would not fall my life fulfilling nor would I call it happy (I don't do happy anymore) but I think that is my fault because I am trying to control the direction of my life rather than just allowing myself to be in the moment.

If you check out my other thread in NB, you can see my life crash in real-time. Despite the difficulties and challenges, I would say this life stage is the most authentic I have every lived. The good moments the bad ones, they are all mine and I live them with honesty and integrity. My end goal is to be content always. And I think that's a pretty good goal. Just hope I get there.

I'm an oulier in my positions.

Me:55 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.

Divorced 20

posts: 1835   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8832633
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Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 11:39 PM on Saturday, May 4th, 2024

"Given the transitory and transactional nature of human relationships these days, the likelihood of finding a partner is not very high, but I'm hopeful. "

You seem to be a decent sort Just and I hope you beat what you think are bad odds and do find a compatible partner. I am truly sorry for the pain and scars waywardness has caused some many of us.

I have found there are many good people in this world, loyal, caring, faithful, giving. If I doubt that I just read posts on this board.

I started out by following a former coworkers advice..to fake it until I made it. The advice was given about something else a long time ago but I did keep moving forward! Like Leah said, the peace is priceless. I wanted a partner who would have my back not stab me in it.

Satya I wish you peace and healing. And a good life free of infidelity.

"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!

posts: 1675   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8835678
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FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 10:26 PM on Sunday, May 5th, 2024

My DDay happened when I was 55. I was a hot mess for a couple of years and then decided to go back to school and finish my BA 'just for me'. Fortunately I worked at a college and the union had a stipend for employee education that covered my tuition part time. I 'retired' from that job in 2015 and got a scholarship to do a graduate degree. Co-op placements put me in some interesting and fairly lucrative positions that resulted in contract work after I got my MA at 65. Lots of interviews where the panel visibly recoiled when this ancient person walked into the room. Until that one where they didn't.

I 'retired' again for a couple of years, then the pandemic happened. Got hired back on a work from home contract at the very nice top-dollar graduate rate. That ended and I stayed retired for another few months until an admin job popped up at my university in the very department where I got my degrees. I knew everyone and they knew me, so I snagged a full time unionized gig on top of my pension, and I'm in cash-stashing mode for as long as this lasts. Given all the inflation happening, and the fact that my divorce bumped me off the real estate ladder, I'm very thankful to have it.

I was very fortunate to not have any dependents, and to have a fairly broad skill set from years of dabbling in different things. I enjoy the work and the people and it gives me a reason to leave the house four days per week (I work from home on Mondays).

I do plan on retiring in a year or two, because I still have a bit of a bucket list, but until then I'm making this work for me.

I don't even think about trying to find another partner at this point. It would just slow my roll and it's too much work to deal with other people's baggage. laugh But shit happens so you just never know.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 10:28 PM, Sunday, May 5th]

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

posts: 21573   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2008   ·   location: Canada
id 8835718
Topic is Sleeping.
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