SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi everyone. I hope you are all ok and doing well.

I am sorry to post my sad situation on New Beginnings! Hopefully in a few months I will be posting happier updates. I am just really struggling at the moment and this has always been my safe space to talk. And I have always received such amazing advice and support here.

As you may be aware I posted on here at the beginning of January as my 1.5 relationship ended on NYE on holiday(first relationship after my ex left me for the AP).

It’s just been such a difficult time. It was such a shock when he ended things as it was such a whirlwind (or appeared to be for me) romance. For the first 12-13 months he was so romantic, loving and we travelled around Europe. He bought me flowers weekly and basically was so different to my cheating ex. He fixed things in my home, was kind and reliable and constantly told me how much he loved me and how happy he was to be with me. It was so very different to my ex. I think because I had come out of a cheating relationship I fell in love with him quickly. No one has ever made me feel so wanted and cared for. There was a red flag at the beginning as he got jealous that he thought I might be cheating (of course I was not) but this is because he had been experinced I infidelity in previous relationships and we resolved it.

Everything was fine until after about 2 months after he moved in with me. He became distant, moody and we weren’t being intimate anymore. December was very difficult. I tried to talk to him about this but he just said he was depressed. Anyway he ended our relationship on NYE and moved out the day after we returned from holiday.

It’s been a tough time as he came over several times this last month collect his belongings. I tried to talk to him but he has completely refused to discuss anything other than he was not happy for the last 2 months. He told me that relationships just don’t work out and doesn’t understand why I am upset/emotional. He stonewalled me completely and won’t discuss anything at all. Even leaving my last message unread which is hurtful. I have not been reaching out a lot or asking to reconcile. I am starting to wonder if it is emotional abuse but I’m not sure. Part of me wonders if this is depression.

It’s just really floored me. It’s like he changed into a completely different person at the end. A total personality change from the kind, supportive and fun loving partner I had for over a year. It’s really affected me as this feels like a cold stranger. It’s a shock to me. It’s been a hard adjustment living alone again.

I know I should be glad that he is gone. I wonder if it is bringing up past trauma as I feel so low again. I’m speaking to my doctor today about starting anti-Ds and am keeping as busy as possible. But eating and sleep is disturbed.

Thank you for listening.

You don't suppose he started seeing someone else, do you? Sounds like classic wayward behavior. Also, if that's the case, it makes sense why he would shut down and not tell you anything.

Thank you so much for your response scared soul. I really appreciate it. I don’t think he cheated or was seeing anyone. We lived together and we literally spent all of our spare time together. We were never apart. He didn’t even see friends without me. I asked him outright if there was anyone else involved and he denied it.

He said that he is depressed and doesn’t want a relationship with anyone. He told me that he plans to work in the north of England (I live in the south) and then travel around the country working to make as much money as possible. It’s all odd.

A little IC might be valuable to help you process this. And yes, see your doctor. Also, block him. There’s nothing good that can come from texting him anymore. Let him be "somebody that you used to know" like the song says. The dark winter days and Valentine’s Day and all that can add to your blah feelings.

He’s immature, unkind, and generally bad news. He couldn’t keep the nice guy facade up once you lived together.

I really think you dodged the biggest bullet, even though I know it doesn’t feel that way right now. time will give you a different perspective. Set a goal for yourself. Pick a travel destination and go alone or with friends. Pick a new hobby or try a new gym or take a cooking class or go back to school- -shake up your routine. It’s still early, so you are still hurting. But you really are healing.

Hang in there- summertime is coming :-)

Good morning, Summertime22

My advice is that you move on from this failed relationship. Stop analyzing it altogether, unless it is for the purpose of identifying any defects in yourself as a partner you would like to close off so they don't follow you into your next relationship.

To that end the only thing that jumps out at me is this:

"Everything was fine until after about 2 months after he moved in with me. He became distant, moody and we weren’t being intimate anymore. December was very difficult. I tried to talk to him about this but he just said he was depressed"

Does this paragraph accurately indicate the order of events?

If he moved in with you and the intimacy dried up, something you did or about living with you altered it.

In the former case he may have felt a bit of bait and switch was done on him. In the latter case, sometimes living with people ruins our ability to be in relationship with them, it's a simple compatibility issue.

Just some things to consider. I hope something I wrote helps you to stop overthinking and put this to rest.

Hmm. I just remembered that my BFF's H did this. He had been married three times before her, and none of the marriages lasted very long. As soon as he put a ring on it, he lost interest. For the fourth time. There's a name for these types, but I can't remember what it is. They like the newness and the romance, but once the novelty wears off, they're dunzo.

Regardless, it's not about you. It's about him. I agree with the suggestion to shake up the routine and pamper yourself.

Honestly it sounds a little like Love Bombing. Did he have any narcissistic traits?

Honestly it sounds a little like Love Bombing.

That's it!