SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The AP’s name is in every show or her "look" is everywhere let alone infidelity is in every show.

But the name - which isn’t popular is everywhere. I mean- this is how crazy it’s getting- I was on a fashion website shopping for dresses, these dresses a labeled with female names, and the first dress of course is the AP’s name!

The Devil is really active.

Why is this happening?

I get it. The AP for me also had an uncommon name and I’ve had to work with 2 people with that same name, and I’d never met anyone with that name before.

Think of it as brutal exposure therapy. (And don’t buy that dress!)

Sorry it feels like the universe is conspiring.

My daughter and OW have the same first name.

I went and got a pedicure done shortly after my h affair and the lady doing it was telling me a story about her friend (with APs name) and the affair she had.
What is the likelihood of that?!

My H was with me , he went white as a ghost but he was helpless in the situation.

That was the funnest time I’ve had (not).

So I feel you!

[This message edited by Groot1988 at 1:55 AM, Saturday, February 10th]

It's just like when you buy a green suburban for instance...you suddenly see green suburbans everywhere . Our brains are really AMAZING in how we can pick out certain things among the MANY details we take in all the time...but it can SUCK too at times.

The fleur-de-lis is a famous symbol in our state. You even see it on the helmet of the football team here...the New Orleans Saints. I grew up seeing that symbol...never thought much of it...UNTIL my H had an A with a woman whose name was LILY. Suddenly the fleur-de-lis became the English version in my HEAD...the flower of the LILY. EVERY time I saw the fleur-de-lis I thought LILY . It was EXCRUCIATING .

Lily's name is actually Lillian...so I decided I was going to start thinking of her as Lillian. That was going to help me with the fleur-de-lis! One day soon after that...I decided to watch a comedy movie one afternoon...and chose the movie "Bridesmaids". To my SHOCK...the bride-to-be in that movie is named LILLIAN !!! Needless to say...I quit watching after I learned her name on there. I still haven't watched that movie all the way...but maybe it is time to OWN that trigger .

This was a GOOD experience for me to learn how to OWN some triggers . It may help you too! Start focusing on what makes you feel GOOD...maybe green suburbans???!!! Whatever it is...FOCUS on that...and then you will be seeing that popping up everywhere . OR...as BearlyBreathing wrote...think of it as exposure therapy...and DARE it to break you. I can guarantee you...IT WON'T !! You SURVIVED infidelity Dear Lady...there is NOTHING that can break you now !!! I literally STARED these triggers down. Those fleur-de-lis symbols were NOT going to stand in my way of being happy again!!!

The devil is always active...but he will NEVER win. You KNOW this . Keep going FORWARD...being happy knowing this FACT .

One of the two reasons* I joined this site a couple of months ago was a PTSD trigger from my fWW's A some 15 years ago. We are fully reconciled now and the OM hasn't been seen since the A. He is from the Middle East and was in the US on a student visa. He scooted back to his home country soon after the A and hasn't been heard of since.

But late last year, I was at an airport Starbucks on my way back from a work conference. Across from me was a guy who could've been a clone of the OM as he looked during the A, having coffee with a woman somewhat resembling what my wife looked like then. I was shaken, felt light headed and thought I was going blind. When I got back home, I called and pulled forward my therapist appointment and sought help. One of my ways of dealing with this is to interact with others at SI.

I realized that other than my wife and the three therapists I talked to since, I really kept it all bottled up.

So yeah, the universe has weird ways to keep us on our toes

* The other reason is my wife's friend's A that we were inadvertently pulled into (see my thread in JFO)