WhatsRight, thank you for sharing your powerful story. You Ma'am are a survivor, even more than that, an overcomer.
Where I differ from your take about love is that I believe warning my kids about the catastrophic consequences of marital betrayal is a form of love. If, in tbe moment of temptation ans weakness, they even have a fleeting remembrance of my steely eyed discussion with them that would give them cause to pause. To stop and take stock at what they are risking losing (marriage, family, their inheritance, etc) and hopefully course correct, would make this stance of mine worth it.
The other thing I would say is that though my love is not conditional, the expectations of relationship, even familial ones, and all of life for that matter, are not. Actions have consequences. "Love" is not license to allow selfish and immoral indulgence at the expense of all else.
Honestly, this phrase:
It has been 17 years since my husbands infidelity. It has changed my life forever. It was hell on earth. I don’t have to tell all of you are the depth of the hurt and pain.
May not have had the effect you you intended. When I read that (so sorry you went through that hell), I felt a steely resolve to leave the warning in place. I will discuss with my wife of course but that was my reaction. Again, this is not formally in the verbiage of the trust, it is verbal at this time meaning it would only be enacted if I or my wife were still alive to make that change.
As you can tell by now, my hatred of marital betrayal and the destruction it causes is visceral. One may even say that it is one of the greatest threats to the nuclear family that exists and it seems to be on the rise.
One kast thing I woukd say is that my kids are not owed an inheritance. They were well provided for whike growing up and had a loving home with supportive parents. We did our best to raise them to be loving, responsible adukts with all of the character traits that go along with it. We've made it very clear that theyvare nit owed anything beyond that and if they received an inheritance it would be a final gift to them from us. That said, there are other character stipulations in the trust already so why should this be any different?
These are my thoughts to date. As you csn see I am seriously grappling with it all.
Again, thank you for sharing your story. It was very impactful to read.
[This message edited by DobleTraicion at 12:52 PM, Friday, September 15th]