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So in a few days will be the one year mark of the worst time in my marriage. I knew that things were tough with us but tough isn't the right term for him having an EA. I still have nightmares of what he did or said how he acted how I acted but hear I am I was thinking he understood and wanted this life with me after realizing his decision with this person was the worst thing he could do. However just yesterday I still find him lying to me to avoid discussions when I ask about things I already know ie he has been opening spam emails from women that usually have a naked photo attached to them when I asked why he did this it's denial than today he says I opened them cause I was bored but didn't click on any photos. He must still think I'm a complete idiot. I'm so hurt by this as stupid as it is I tried to explain after what happened with me why would he want to look at other women naked bodies esp when he knows they are spam emails. He just says to me I'm being silly and overreacting he did nothing wrong. I find this so disturbing he must have a sickness and will never change. I told him if he ever lied to me again or betrayed me or didn't make me feel safe with him I had no choice but to leave him. It's hard to admit but I didn't want to ever feel this way but I can't accept this behavior if he wanted to be here in this life with me and make admens for his previous affair he wouldn't need to seek out anything else or ever lie to me again. I told him today I would never ever do anything like that to him to make him feel like he wasn't enough.

he has been opening spam emails from women that usually have a naked photo attached to them when I asked why he did this it's denial than today he says I opened them cause I was bored but didn't click on any photos

^^^He's totally disrespecting you AND he's lying.

It doesn't sound as though he understands the enormity of his betrayal.

What you are feeling one year out is completely normal, IMO, many here, including myself, believe year 2 is worse because the shock has worn off and the reality of the nuclear bomb that was dropped on your life has set in.

Are you in IC?

I had something similar happen to me twice (or maybe it was 3 times!?) post dday that involved WH oogling almost naked hot girls while scrolling social media. Never mind the complete triggered mess and raging lunatic that I was each time I discovered this. It wasn’t until I did something that resembled a (soft?) 180 that seemed to get through to him. Of course I’m not confident about much anymore in life, so who knows what the future holds, but it seems to have made a difference so far.

Your boundaries are what they are. You don’t have to accept his behavior. You are not being silly or overreacting.

I thought that the year after d-day1 was the worst time in my life as my WH did much of what yours is doing. As it turned out a year later I had d-day 2 (same date 10/1 - exactly 1 year apart), and the months after that were the absolute worst time of my life because I realized that: 1) the A hadn't ended so that year was a year of false R, and 2) that my WH had zero remorse - zero real care for me or for anyone other than himself. D-day 2 and the months that followed were the awakening for me. My WH was a person who could do this horrible thing to someone they allegedly loved and cared about, and then, upon discovery, could continue treating them like complete trash. Lesson: My WH was not capable of caring about me or anyone else - not really. He was all in for himself. Not a good partner for anyone, in anything.

I'm not saying your WH is continuing to have As - I have no idea - but he seems pretty open to considering it. What I am saying is he is SHOWING you that nothing really matters except his own pleasure - that living in the moment is all he can or is willing to do. You KNOW this. He is actively showing you. Unless he makes a change - a lot of them - for him (and you will KNOW when this happens) you will likely end up in the same place. He doesn't get it.

So what will you do?

Gently, am I right in thinking he's still lying to you? You named the consequence. What's keeping from you tfrom imposing it?

I can imagine feeling something is wrong with me if my W continued to lie to me after d-day. I know it's hard to accept that the person you love is the problem; you're not. He's not lying because something is wrong with you. He's lying because so much is wrong with him.

The runup to the 1st antiversary was rough for me. The whole period between the start of the PA (august, 2010, and I had forgotten this is the A period for me) and d-day, I was a wreck. But the antiversary itself was a day on which I felt great relief - it was no longer true that 'las year on this day, my W was cheating.'

Very gently, I think you're a wreck now because your partner has not stepped up and done the work he needs to do to change from cheater to good partner. I think you're a wreck because of that.

I always feel so much support from here it makes things a little easier for me when I know I can express myself without judgment. Thank you all again this forum has helped me through some tough days.

Annb, not in IC I thought about it my MC suggested I should. I just keep feeling like I can do this all on my own I should be able to handle this is what I keep trying to tell myself. Of course I realize not that easy.

Slamsunk, sorry to hear you had similar experiences I just don't understand why someone has to be disrespectful to another person by doing those things. Thank you for understanding and saying I'm not silly or ridiculous.

This is so lonely, what will I do I wish I could do what I need to what I should do and just get out of a relationship that keeps bringing me sadness and disappointment it's just I try and then I get to emotional.so each day is a challenge on my future decisions to make I think I can than I can't or should say won't so I realize that I control my own fate and by staying I let him humiliate me with his lies. I hope I get the courage and strength one of these days to not put myself in these situations to a man who can't be a good husband on his own free will.

Sisoon, your correct in thinking he is still lying to me he basically is a compulsive liar has been since the day I met him. It sucks to know that the man you love and want to be married to one day is a liar. I was so crazy to think even after I knew of his past which was awful before me that I could change him that he just needed a woman who cared about him. I of course was wrong for 6 years that haunted me that I let myself stay and it was my fault for what was happening to me because he was and on occasion still a wolf in sheep's clothing so I think we should divorce but I try still to change him 100 percent to be a good husband after everything he still can't and won't understand what those things mean to me. It's a challenge to not walk away.