One year after discovery, still an emotional wreck

So in a few days will be the one year mark of the worst time in my marriage. I knew that things were tough with us but tough isn't the right term for him having an EA. I still have nightmares of what he did or said how he acted how I acted but hear I am I was thinking he understood and wanted this life with me after realizing his decision with this person was the worst thing he could do. However just yesterday I still find him lying to me to avoid discussions when I ask about things I already know ie he has been opening spam emails from women that usually have a naked photo attached to them when I asked why he did this it's denial than today he says I opened them cause I was bored but didn't click on any photos. He must still think I'm a complete idiot. I'm so hurt by this as stupid as it is I tried to explain after what happened with me why would he want to look at other women naked bodies esp when he knows they are spam emails. He just says to me I'm being silly and overreacting he did nothing wrong. I find this so disturbing he must have a sickness and will never change. I told him if he ever lied to me again or betrayed me or didn't make me feel safe with him I had no choice but to leave him. It's hard to admit but I didn't want to ever feel this way but I can't accept this behavior if he wanted to be here in this life with me and make admens for his previous affair he wouldn't need to seek out anything else or ever lie to me again. I told him today I would never ever do anything like that to him to make him feel like he wasn't enough.

5 comments posted: Friday, August 18th, 2023

How to handle WS having friends with opposite sex after affair

I have tried to set a boundary on his calls or text with other women he works with its not working very well. A little backstory he is a chef and has two women catering managers he has to work with, unfortunately one of whom he has formed a friendship with for 3 years and I never was comfortable with the text or calls on his day off or what have you but than fast forward to his EA affair with another coworker last year and his excuse to me was just friends and whatever. Well with this other woman from 3 years ago he always says just friend's doesn't think of her that way blah blah so I after the affair am trying to set a boundary on this and let him know he can no longer have women as friends he can't understand my trauma. He has complied and says he understands so he sent a text message to them both no more text or calls outside of work and no more talking about life in general. Well I still am getting the he answered a called on a Sunday while we were finishing dinner to one of the women who needed to ask a question about a catering. I got really upset does anyone else feel this way or am I just emotionally overreacting. I did kind of feel a little bit silly for being angry he has done alot to make things better for me, however I asked him to keep his phone in other room while I'm home just to make me feel better but by checking his phone and taking that call it kind of defeated the purpose of no phone while we are together. It is a small trigger for me. Just curious if I'm being a little overreacting.

31 comments posted: Wednesday, June 14th, 2023

New Marriage

Has anyone had a better marriage after a EA just wondering if it's just me thinking maybe it took this to make a person realize how important their relationship truly is and I was taken for granted and now my husband truly is remorseful and wants to do anything it takes to make me feel safe and loved. Or is it just me waiting for something bad to happen and tear that all apart because of the betrayal and all the lies that were told maybe there is no hope for a future with a person who had a lapse in judgement and didn't know what they truly wanted.

15 comments posted: Tuesday, May 30th, 2023

Harrasement claims from the AP

So I'm just curious if anyone else had to deal with the AP attacking there character and claiming they were going to file harassment suits on them for trying to understand why this person is involved with there spouse. Long story short when I found out about the affair i went to his work to confront them both face to face to say I knew he was cheating, of course I got so much denial from both sides but I also got that she was going ti take me to court for showing up at her job. Than I found them together in his truck the next day supposedly innocent however it wasn't I found out later she continued to tell me she was taking me to court even went along with the fact that they slept together to hurt me and get me to leave him. So she even wrote up a fiction letter of restraining order and her own stupid letter explaining that she never meant to Hurt anyone and she kissed him out of being upset over me showing up at there job she even had the nerve to say I owed him an apology my own husband. She is psyco but it all makes the reconcile for us so much harder as I'm more upset with how he let her harassment claims and attack on me continue. Wondering if any one else had to deal with this with the other person.

27 comments posted: Friday, May 19th, 2023

Trying to reconcile but thinks divorce will be easier

It's been 6 months since I found out my WH had a affair he says it was emotional not physical except some kissing her once or twice. I still am getting TT all the time and that hurts worse than I imagined it would. I'm going to schedule a polygraph test soon and we will see what happens. We are going to MC it seems to be working ok not great of course. He is trying to make me feel like he is trying to be a better man for us and me but the lies are hard to deal with and the fact that he had a emotional affair is tough on me he says he believed her ego boost than but now realizes it was all fake and doesn't need those things anymore. He met her to break things off in September 2022 she asked why and cried of course he says he wants to be with me and made a wrong decision starting anything with her. I feel like she didn't get it and still thinks he cares about her the other day I made him send a text to a coworker female to say no more talking outside of work, she constantly complained to him about other workers and he listened I felt threatened by that and feel like after all this he lost those rights to female friendships. Well guess who calls him right after the text was sent because the OW and her are friends she actually had the nerve to tell him how his marriage should be just like before and felt like it was ok to tell him look what your wife is doing in case he had no idea. I was in shock he answered because I wanted to hear what she would say and why and what he would do. Well he did nothing just listened said ok thank you hung up. I was furious with him I thought he wouod be more protective over our marriage and me but no it totally stopped all my thoughts that this is over or he truly cares about what he did. He claims he just didn't want to talk to her at all and I made him he wants to forget about her and the fact that he needed her in the first place. I'm so torn on my thoughts right now 😞 it's hard I'm trying to watch his actions vs his talk. He has been very different since that phone call makes me question so much. I also feel like I can't move on unless I hear him for myself tell her it's over and was a bad idea for talking to her in the first place he says silence is best and this is the last word us being together. Is that dumb to believe.

19 comments posted: Wednesday, May 10th, 2023

Believing a liar

Update to my current situation. I have been living with the fact that my husband had a affair for 6 months, however he continued to tell me he didn't want to be with this person or have sex with her. He did take her to a hotel while drunk and said he just wanted to get away from me and vent to her because she listened to him. He passed out and doesn't remember anything with her, but was very hurt by the fact that he did something wrong he dealt with that later on, however the next day she tells him they slept together. I went and got tested and we have been dealing with the fact that he had sex with her and betrayed me and hurt me. He still doesn't believe it happened but accepted it did because he had no memory of the event just knew that he took her to a hotel so it could have and she stated so. Well fast forward to the other day, I have been asking him to reach out to her only to ask what exactly happened between them. She hasn't answered for a month until Tuesday she decided to call him so I let him answer. He asked her what happened and she told him nothing happened she and him talked they drank and she left him there passed out. He flat out said did we have sex she said no. He didn't want to ask her why she lied we all know she staged it and wanted to be with him hoping he would divorce me. I still have a problem believing her and think she is lying about lying of course now she has no reason in fact she could still keep saying they did. Am I being naive?

24 comments posted: Sunday, April 30th, 2023

Conversation with AP

4 comments posted: Tuesday, April 25th, 2023

Weird question

So this is probably a weird question to ask anyone but I was wondering if anyone has this same thought. I found out just 6 months ago my husband was cheating ea turned pa and had way to many run ins with the ap. My question is after I have asked my husband how he felt about the ow he tells me of course liked the attention but I say how do you feel now he says doesn't care about her at all she was just a person he used for his own reasons didn't think she was attractive or a good person he says she was broken just like him so they connected. Sorry that was alot but my actual point is I feel like him not feeling what he did to another person is bad and he used her and doesn't care about her well being at all I mean I know I shouldn't either but I'm a human being of course but it shows his character as a man and a person she is young and stupid obviously because she didn't care what she was doing after I introduced myself but should I really not care about how he feels now about what he did to her like doesn't show he isn't a good character of a person. I know sounds weird I should even say it out loud why should I care but it's not really about her it's about him and what he can just dismiss as he was a awful person not just to me but someone else. Is that dumb?

5 comments posted: Monday, April 24th, 2023

Polygraph test

Quick question to anyone I'm thinking about having my husband do a polygraph test if you guys had this done to seek answers of truthfulness do you feel it's worth doing I want to believe him that he will never cheat again or that he feels bad is this a good idea?

5 comments posted: Sunday, April 23rd, 2023

So many doubts

My husband had a emotional affair that turned into a physical affair because so he says he got drunk and invited her to a hotel just to get away from me and talk to her that ended in her the next day telling him he and her had sex I have so many doubts to his story he keeps saying he never meant to sleep with her and takes responsibility if it truly happened but I will never know the true story I'm afraid and the unknown makes it hard to forgive I want to believe he didn't want to have sex with her but he takes responsibility saying he put himself in that position with her and himself it just doesn't make me feel any better about trying to reconcile

12 comments posted: Saturday, April 22nd, 2023

Reaching out to the AP

Question has anyone tried to reach out to the AP for answers and how did it go? Does anyone think it's a bad idea?

10 comments posted: Friday, April 21st, 2023

Lost and confused

Here is my story, I found out recently my husband was having a relationship with a girl from work.I found out and showed up at his job to confront the two of them they both denied anything of course well that just made things worse for me because I knew the truth and the very next day they became more open about things I found them his truck talking they both said nothing is going on but whatever right so than on top of all that this girl threatened me with harassment and was acting as if she was the wife my husband acted like it was nothing still he than a week later took her to hotel room and got so drunk she tells him the next day they had sex he still doesn't know if that really happened so now here I am lost confused and he ended it saying he felt so terrible he did anything at all from the moment he texted her till the end and says never wanted sex just liked the attention and listening she gave him he keeps telling me he used her the whole time and wants forgiveness but how can I forgive him knowing what he felt about her than can't even remember that night I am struggling so much emotionally and counseling has helped but everyday I can't stop thinking about the two of.them and what they shared together it's been 6 months and I'm not any better about my feelings toward him or her this sucks and I don't know how to heal he is being so much more of a husband than he ever was before for 6 years but it doesn't seem fair and I always and wondering when he will revert back to the way he was before the affair I can't move past that trauma thank you for letting me tell my story

6 comments posted: Thursday, April 20th, 2023