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Newest Member: cobblerock

Divorce/Separation :
Pity party for one please

Topic is Sleeping.
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 changedforlife (original poster member #38474) posted at 7:14 PM on Thursday, August 17th, 2023

Today is not a good day. I was trying to make it a good day as it is a special day. But I started my morning by researching some more information about separating from a common law relationship and it is not looking good for me financially. I will be left with so little to live on in this economy. I hate him. But I have started to think that maybe I just need to pretend and keep living like this so I am not left without a roof over my head for my DD and myself. (I make more than WH and he will likely claim he can't work more due to mental health.)

I know I need to get a lawyer and I have been dragging my feet on it hoping we could just part ways and be done, but it's not looking good for that. And a lawyer is just going to add to my financial issues.

FML

crying

[This message edited by changedforlife at 7:15 PM, Thursday, August 17th]

Me - BS Him - WH (in our 50's)Together 31 years/ 1 teenager1st D-day - Jan 24/13 #? d-days from broken no contact and continued infidelity for several years. Attempted reconciliation.July 28/23 told him it was over and he wa

posts: 172   ·   registered: Feb. 17th, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 8804723
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 9:27 PM on Thursday, August 17th, 2023

Have your party- you earned it. I was also common law and it is not recognized in the state I live in in the US - so I get it.

See the lawyer. Things may or may not be what you fear. But knowing what they are will remove the fear and anxiety around it.

Meanwhile, please try to take back your day. And I am sorry you are hurting today.

[This message edited by BearlyBreathing at 9:28 PM, Thursday, August 17th]

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6059   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8804733
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 changedforlife (original poster member #38474) posted at 1:22 AM on Friday, August 18th, 2023

Thank you BearlyBreathing, I often feel like I shouldn't complain because my situation isn't as bad as others' but it is all so overwhelming.
I will go see a lawyer and get any info I can. It's true that it will help with the uncertainty at least.

Me - BS Him - WH (in our 50's)Together 31 years/ 1 teenager1st D-day - Jan 24/13 #? d-days from broken no contact and continued infidelity for several years. Attempted reconciliation.July 28/23 told him it was over and he wa

posts: 172   ·   registered: Feb. 17th, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 8804756
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kiwilee ( member #10426) posted at 4:01 AM on Friday, August 18th, 2023

Sorry you find yourself in a tough spot.

Yes finances are important, but so is your well being. I remember when my best friend went thru her divorce she said " I don’t care if I live in a box." She needed out for her mental well being.

If you truly hate him, the marriage sounds dead. Why put yourself through this? I agree talk to an attorney and gain knowledge. We only get one shot at this life.

Nothing will change until you change it.

posts: 663   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2006
id 8804763
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Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 4:39 PM on Friday, August 18th, 2023

Sending ((virtual hugs))

"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!

posts: 1675   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8804907
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 5:13 PM on Friday, August 18th, 2023

(((changedforlife))) I can empathize with you. I cannot stand my ex that I am in this position. I struggle as a single mom. I make a decent salary but still doesn't seem to get me very far with the cost of things nowadays.My ex makes more than I do and hides his money. I'm currently fighting him on his request that I pay his lawyer fees and spousal support. What a joke. Makes me hate him even more. Really can hardly wait to be divorced from this bastard. I guess the cost of being away from him once and for all will be worth it.

fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorcing

posts: 8834   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8804914
Topic is Sleeping.
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