BS here, no stop sign so I'll try to help.
Obviously I can't comment much on IC from the WS perspective, but I have suffered lots of childhood trauma (CPTSD) and is in IC for that (that and the betrayal trauma). And I see a lot of similar patterns in what you've wrote. If I am off and you feel this does not apply to you, then feel free to ignore.
Could it be that your minimization, lying, and avoidance started off as survival strategies from when you were younger? And that those maladaptive strategies were what you were used to to feel safe, and so you just kept using them throughout your adult life as well. You minimized the consequences of your lying and avoidance, because you've always done it and it just felt right? I'm not trying to give you a reason to not take ownership of what you did, but rather I see a pattern as a possible source of your "whys". I believe that knowing why we do things paves the way to changing the maladaptive ways of coping. I'm happy to elaborate further if this is actually the case for you and if you wish.
Regardless of if your maladaptive traits were a result of abuse in upbringing, you still need to own what you did to your BW. That's a necessary step in healing. I believe that attitude change is big going from "I want to avoid thinking about it because I hate myself for what happened", to "I acknowledge I did horrible things to my BW, I hate that I allowed myself to do that, and I will do whatever is necessary to be better".
a common thing on here is the requirement of a counsellor to hold a waywards feet to the fire. Mine is not doing this, primarily because I'm not asking her to, but I struggle with knowing what I'm asking her to do.
Gently, this is all part of the minimizing, lying, and avoidant behavior.
Good ICs should be able to catch when you're blameshifting or minimizing and hold you accountable. If your IC is not holding you to reality then that speaks poorly on the therapeutic effect this IC will have. Trauma informed, or trauma trained therapists should be better at catching your lies and holding your feet to the fire.
If you're having trouble letting your IC know to hold you accountable (because it triggers your avoidance), then write it down on a piece of paper beforehand when you're not triggered and read it to the IC. I find this helps if I can't help but to be triggered about certain topics that I really need to discuss.
[This message edited by oldmewasmurdered at 6:04 PM, Wednesday, July 5th]