I’m seven year out from my split with the serial cheater. I’ve had numerous 3-4 relationships with oh not so right people which lasts about 3 months a piece. I had one longer 9 month one that I totally fell in love with that broke my heart during COVID lockdowns. I haven’t put myself back on OLD since though had seen 2 people very briefly over a year ago meeting them random ways and hadn’t dated since. The friends with benefits was I think the worse decision of my life (much younger man).
Strangely enough even though I was so burnt by my WH it didn’t turn me off men initially However since the bad burn 2.5 years ago I’m not terrified of dating. With WH people didn’t see it coming most of all me (family and friends all said you would never that guessed it). With 3 year ago man, I choose to believe in him so I feel "complicit" and I don’t trust myself because I never picked up on the red flags.
Anyhow fast forward to a week ago and I had a tradesperson help me via a Facebook forum come to my house and repair something. They were ultra polite, chatty and refused payment so I just said I’ll shout to dinner at the pub. We ate and chatted and he was was nice and respectful as expected. He dropped me home and then when he got home an hour later asked if I was interested in seeing him again.
I actually thought he was kinda attractive and although not my not normal type (I’ve always dated white collar people) I thought he seemed nice so I kept the chat going.
I’m ultra busy raising three kids and full time work and Reno so I wasn’t dating (I thought) because I know I don’t have time at the moment to dedicate to someone. He’s moved to this city a few years ago for his kids benefit to support their interests but they are now young adults. So he’s free it seems all the time outside work.
it’s only been a week and we haven’t been able to go on a real date yet but I’m getting what feels to be very too strong vibes. Over keen. He’s expressed he’s looking for a forever relationship and he wants a partner to do things with. My red flag is that he’s also got us like a long time image by using "we" and "next year" and I kinda want just a date to see if I even feel like another date.
I get we are all different, and he got together with his wife young at 20 and was with her nearly 20 years. I think he seems a nice person but maybe just lonely and it’s coming across as desperate. I feel he’s "latched" onto a potential partner rather than just a spark of interest in me. (I’m not suggesting he doesn’t think I’m attractive as he indicated that immediately)
How do I handle this?
On both angles… ie first I’ve realised I’m really making excuses myself to have not started dating again because this situation has made me immediately fear getting hurt again. The problem here is I’m scared to trust myself to be a good judge of a man. I feel I’m a really good judge at making new friendships with women but that doesn’t seem to work in romantic space.
And two … what do I do with this person? Do I try a date or pull out now?