SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sorry if I'm disjointed, but i only have a moment.

I believe this was an effective strategy, similar to putting your arm around a woman in a bar to discourage other men from approaching.

Boy, I hope the mods don't PM me for this post. OP, I don't want to be harsh, but I really see you as a guy who just doesn't seem to get it. It's like you are bending over backwards to let the more difficult advice slip around you. What you are doing is something we call "cock blocking". If i am at a bar with a woman and she is into me, then every man there knows it. I dont need to prove it. And more importantly, if she allows guys to approach her while im there, then she isnt a high value partner. You are trying to set things up so you can subtly defend your mate from other challengers. If the M did not cause your WW to cheat, how can manipulating the M prevent her from doing so again? It does not work and probably seems weak in your WW's eyes. By doing this, you are setting her up as the prize for you to earn or retain. This is a losing strategy. SHE must keep herself from cheating.

You must find a way to see yourself as the prize. Once you do that, you will be in a stronger position to make and enforce your personal boundaries.

Your screen name is appropriate.

She had an affair, you caught her,she says oops,sorry,then 2 years later you find out it's still going on. She says sorry,you shrug your shoulders, and that was that.

She has the audacity to say she is flattered you're jealous. That is such a disgusting comment from a WS.

And..now..you think being his buddy means it ends their affair. Ask all the BS here,who were friends with the AP, how that worked for them.

As for their dwindling communication..she knows you see her messages. You don't go from hundreds of messages,to one in 2 weeks. She has a burner phone.

To all new BS reading this...this is what happens when you rugsweep. You get new ddays, and new APs. Because they didn't do the work on themselves, and the BS didn't want to push it.

[This message edited by HellFire at 6:14 PM, Saturday, June 24th]

I agree with all the comments here. I don’t believe in "experts", certainly not those who have not done years of formal training. But just from a personal perspective I will share the boundaries I would have here — and do have in place because of my husbands prior bad behavior.

In our new marriage there are no female friends—other than our couples friends and his sister. Professional associates are just that and need to be kept within certain parameters. You can be FRIENDLY to them but you are not friends. No need to share much more than the most basic personal information. Communication during non- work hours only occurs if it is necessary to be professional. There are absolutely no long phone calls, hard stop. Texting needs to be appropriate- no heart emojis, no sly jokes, no references to fun stuff you’re up to this weekend. just work.

Sometimes the other party is too friendly. not a huge deal but i expect him to respond to this by creating even more distance….. wait longer intervals before responding to their texts, be even more rigorous about not using emojis and exclamation marks and personal references or joking around. let the other person get the subtle message that you are not buddies. if the other person just won’t stop crossing boundaries they are just blocked. but that hasn’t happened in forever. by having very firms boundaries on this stuff it just eventually doesn’t come up at all. people get the message.

Maybe some people out there have opposite sex coworker friends. But, that chance is gone for people who cheated and then continued to lie about it. They can go find themselves a million same sex buddies if they’re so desperate for connection.