SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Good morning
I found this site when my ex cheated on me in 2009 and it was a godsend.
I’ve repartnered and he was cheated on so I have always been so confident he would never cheat on me. We’ve been together nearly 6 years.
I heard his phone beep and was going to answer for him and saw a message in WhatsApp
I could see it was like spam in that it started going on hi Brad and he answer he isn’t Brad
Then it started to talk and ask questions and say it was a woman and she lives in China
The thing is my man said his real name, that he’s 45 (hes nearly 48) told her what he actually does for a living. She asked for a pic and he sent a real pic and then said she was stunning on her pic(if it’s her she nearly 20 years younger)
She asked if he was married he said divorced 5 years yes but partnered to me! She asked if they could move to a private account and he asked if she had Snapchat.
Now when I confronted him he said he’s not cheating as he knew it was a scam and she was from China
Without me prompting this and he was just playing along
My head is all over the place what are your opinions. For now I’ve let it drop as he said it was a scam and he was trying to see if she would ask for money.

If he truly thought it was a scam,he wouldn't have asked her to go to Snapchat. Snapchat is a known cheater app.

She was fishing. And he certainly was biting.

He was happily sliding down the slippery slope.

He commented on her pic 🚩

He moved to secret account 🚩

He’s lying when he says he thought it was a scam b/c if that’s the case, he would have ignored it 🚩

He didn’t admit any of this which IMO he had NO intention of admitting any of it 🚩

He’s behaving shady and it may not be the first time he’s done this

I am so sorry for you. You now have distrust and lying by omission as part of your relationship.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 6:48 PM, Monday, April 17th]

I don't know anyone in my circle who would respond to a scam. Phone calls, social media, online or anywhere. They'd just be ignored. He sent this woman his photo, huge red flag.

If I were you, I'd be vigilant for awhile.

He’s not being truthful, we all get these scam messages and just ignore them. My W has a presence on social media and gets this stuff all the time, she does not open or delete any of them until I see them.

China…does he have a security clearance?

It was on what’s app and I googled the phone number and it looked like
Hong Kong or china
It started off
Hello Brad sorry to add you to my phone today how are you
He responded with sorry wrong person
The she wrote ah sorry my friend was drunk and added you I hope this is ok
And he wrote no prob
Then she wrote you are such a gentleman mg name is Miranda
Then he gave his name then she asked age married etx and she was in China but wanted to go to Australia etc

Hi there,

It seems off and I see red flags 🚩

I agree watch, but it might be worth a conversation about it. You can say it brought back negative feelings from past experiences. And then talk about boundaries and expectations.

If you don’t have clear boundaries he may say he didn’t know or think it would upset you.

good luck!

Honestly wondering if he didn’t care that she was from China
He asked for a pic
He asked about Snapchat
He lied and said he was younger
He outright said he was divorce 5 years when she asked if he was married

Was this to have his ego stroked?
I’ll definitely be sleeping with one eye open
I wonder is this a one time fuck up

This is a very obvious scam. Keep an eye on your finances.

If he really were playing with this supposed young lady, (more than likely a Nigerian male) he would have sent a picture of someone else. If he is that naive to get pulled into this, and that willing to flirt with a stranger (online) then your husband has some serious issues that need to be unpacked.

So, even though this is a scam, he was willing to go alone with it before he knew it was a scam, and that is not ok. Get him into counseling ASAP.

I get these scam texts all of the time.

Once in a while I'm tempted to respond just to see what would happen. How far do they take it? When do they ask for money?

I never have however. It's really not worth my time.

But if I did, I would never, under any circumstances give my real name let alone send a real picture of myself.

He was fishing. Or rather she was and he took the bait. He took the bait to have a little fun.

That's a hard no from me.

At a minimum, might be time to discuss what you consider cheating. Some folks think this kind of activity isn't really cheating. It is in my book. How about yours?

He responded. That’s the telll!!!!!

This is definitely cheating. He gave his name. He sent a picture. He asked for a Snapchat account. This is how everything starts: a spouse willing to have some fun.
Also, don’t underestimate the distance. My WH’s AP was 1300 km away and he managed to meet her several times a year, for 5 years. Used savings and air miles reward programs. He also payed for her trips. Sometimes they met halfway. Keep an eye on your finances.
Guess how it all started? A man who couldn’t control his urges for having a little fun over the internet.