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Newest Member: LoisPerry3

Divorce/Separation :
I couldn’t keep quiet and confronted him !!!

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Lolati11 (original poster member #34915) posted at 2:07 AM on Sunday, March 5th, 2023

Last night I decided that I was in a good place to have a conversation with WH. I can honestly say that I was so proud of myself , and I can honestly say that I am in a good place .My decision is made I choose me and only me.
So here is how I went about it . I waited until he had a few beers. And went into his office , I asked what he was doing, and he showed me he was working . I then told him whenever you finish I would like to talk to him . He immediately reacted and said : well it’s about time , I have been waiting to know what’s going on with my baby cakes . He followed me right away . I told him : listen I am going to talk do not interrupt me, I don’t want any details from you. I am just going to state the facts. When I am done you can speak . I could tell he was nervous .I just explained that I saw he had bought I gift for his secretary in December, i didn’t think much of it because I know he does that to all his peeps at work . I told him what concerned me the most was the Valentine’s Day special bouquet that he bought her , the one called lots of love. I told him that also the nature of their texts messages are way too personal. I then told him while I think he is making a huge faux pas, considering our company strict policies. It is his decision if he wants to be with her, however for the sake of the years we spent together, I expected him to finish one relationship before starting another. I told him that is why I am setting him free, he can do whatever he wants after we divorce. He went into gaslighting , how he loves me and blah blah , at no point he denied anything. He recognized the flowers were a bit much ! I was like a bit much ? Are you dumb? He then stated he will never do something to jeopardize his work and how much he like his work. I honestly tuned him out for a few min to I can’t recall everything .
He wanted me to understand that he can’t see a future without me , and how he wants to grow old . I reminded him that he is already old !! And that I am not the side chick, who he can disrespect and toss a side. I told him I forgave you ones but that’s it .
I also told him as for his job, I have no intention to say anything, not because of him but because I work there as well . His excuse was that he just feels bad for her and try to do nice things !! I laughed in his face and told him based on her fb a lots of guys are doing something nice for her. The safe FB she blocked me at a few months back.
Anyway I never felt better, I hit him like an invisible composed tornado. He made his bed he can lay on it alone !!
This morning he started talking about our future trips, I asked him if he had forgotten our talk last night. He just was quite and miserable all day and guess what I don’t feel a thing for him anymore

Me:36Him: 53OW: a monster that I called friend before D-Day:June 20,2011
D-Day #2 February 2023
Me: 42 Him: 59 OW : 49 6kids and 3 baby dads
You made a fool out of me and she made a fool out of you

posts: 161   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2012
id 8780827
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 3:22 AM on Sunday, March 5th, 2023

Lola, glad you found your voice.
Now get your ducks in a row, keep an eye on finances, see a lawyer or three, and start detaching.
He may come back to you and promise the world. You may waiver and waffle. But remember that you chose you. Keep choosing you.

There will be ups and downs, but there is a peace in knowing you’re taking control of your life, even if you are terrified while you do it.
You are strong and you should be proud of yourself.

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 5824   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8780840
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 5:42 AM on Sunday, March 5th, 2023

Good job! Keep putting you first.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3128   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8780847
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BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 11:28 PM on Monday, March 6th, 2023

Dang, that was badass!

My previous advice still stands: meet with a lawyer and get the ball rolling. It sounds like he’s so deep in denial that you still have a strategic advantage.

BW, 40s

Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried

I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.

posts: 1806   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8781070
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BallofAnxiety ( member #82853) posted at 9:07 PM on Tuesday, March 7th, 2023

Good for you!

I heard all the crappy excuses for the inappropriate behavior I actually did witness, he had excuses for everything. I then find out he's been having an affair for over a year and all my instincts were correct.

For example, he was wearing a new beaded bracelet and he said he and (I later find out) AP got matching ones to celebrate something at work. My instinct was it was completely inappropriate, you don't buy jewelry for colleagues! Turns out, I was right, you don't buy jewelry for colleagues if you're not having sex with them. I missed that last part.

Me: BW. STBXH: ONS 2006; DDay 12/2022 "it was only online," trickle truth until 1/2023 - "it was 1 year+ affair with MCOW." Separated and divorcing.

posts: 133   ·   registered: Feb. 8th, 2023   ·   location: USA
id 8781194
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HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 9:25 PM on Tuesday, March 7th, 2023

Good for you. Sometimes those promised changes only last for short while before he gets back to his shit ways. Moving ahead, is the only sure fire way to get out of infidelity and a better future. Yea its hard, but that road you take makes you stronger, and things will improve once you've climbed your way out of that bottom.

If he's in such a friendly mode, hopefully he'll make it friendly and easy for you to move on with your life, WITHOUT HIM.

posts: 1424   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8781199
Topic is Sleeping.
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