Newest Member: shouldistayorshouldigono

Lolati11

Me:36Him: 53OW: a monster that I called friend before D-Day:June 20,2011
D-Day #2 February 2023
Me: 42 Him: 59 OW : 49 6kids and 3 baby dads
You made a fool out of me and she made a fool out of you

After the end of marriage

Hello family ,
An update after the second D-day 2 , confrontation . I went on my fabulous cruise with him and had a great time . I was strong didn’t allow or fall for any gas lighting any bs . Came back and filed for Divorce that came final . No remorse, no regrets . I won’t lie as far and say I didn’t get emotional heck I did I cried my eyes out . But what a relief !!
Are we still friends? Yes ! Did he find out he was played by the ow ? Yes ! Did I secretly enjoy it ? Yes ! But at the end of the day it was his Destiney and mine . I put boundaries between us and moved on . I don’t think I am ready for another relationship anytime soon . I love my time alone and have been doing things I forgot I enjoyed . A lots of reading , walking in parks and connecting with friends and family memebers no ones really knows about my divorce unless I feel like sharing it . Guess what ? Life continues no matter what I am not sure what the future holds for me but I am taking it one day at time and enjoying it . Healing my self as well

8 comments posted: Tuesday, December 26th, 2023

The final chapter

Hello family ,
So after the day 2 and confrontation he of course denied everything . We are heading to a cruise this coming Sunday a 7 night one .I will have fun and enjoy my time with the man I considered the love of my life . Today I saw him walking with the other women going to lunch , a lunch he denied when I asked him if he enjoyed lunch at work he stated it was not good , didn’t tell me he went out he thinks I didn’t see them. I was with my boss who saw them too it took me like a hurricane I don’t even know how I swallowed that sandwich , his credit card transaction confirmed that he went out on 5/5 something he denied as well , the man came home drunk trying his best to hide it and passed out at 6pm the next day he claimed he was tired .
you might ask why go on a vacation? My answer is that I want my closure , it’s pitiful but I wanted for one whole week I am going to have him just to myself and enjoy my time with him , hopefully he enjoys it as well .
i meet with my lawyer the day after we come back . I already have a very good chance at transferring to another state for another job . We work in the same establishment so not only I am leaving him, I am leaving the state as well . The evil person in me lol is so satisfied I feel like i will hit him like a category 5 hurricane , he has no idea and will not find out until , he hears I am transferring get served with divorce papers . My deal is I keep my mouth shut about you affair with your secretary, so you don’t loose your job after 39 years worth the company . you act like the supportive husband about my career move and give me everything I want from our assets, and I will disappear or else we do it the ugly way . Period end of story

8 comments posted: Friday, May 12th, 2023

I couldn’t keep quiet and confronted him !!!

Last night I decided that I was in a good place to have a conversation with WH. I can honestly say that I was so proud of myself , and I can honestly say that I am in a good place .My decision is made I choose me and only me.
So here is how I went about it . I waited until he had a few beers. And went into his office , I asked what he was doing, and he showed me he was working . I then told him whenever you finish I would like to talk to him . He immediately reacted and said : well it’s about time , I have been waiting to know what’s going on with my baby cakes . He followed me right away . I told him : listen I am going to talk do not interrupt me, I don’t want any details from you. I am just going to state the facts. When I am done you can speak . I could tell he was nervous .I just explained that I saw he had bought I gift for his secretary in December, i didn’t think much of it because I know he does that to all his peeps at work . I told him what concerned me the most was the Valentine’s Day special bouquet that he bought her , the one called lots of love. I told him that also the nature of their texts messages are way too personal. I then told him while I think he is making a huge faux pas, considering our company strict policies. It is his decision if he wants to be with her, however for the sake of the years we spent together, I expected him to finish one relationship before starting another. I told him that is why I am setting him free, he can do whatever he wants after we divorce. He went into gaslighting , how he loves me and blah blah , at no point he denied anything. He recognized the flowers were a bit much ! I was like a bit much ? Are you dumb? He then stated he will never do something to jeopardize his work and how much he like his work. I honestly tuned him out for a few min to I can’t recall everything .
He wanted me to understand that he can’t see a future without me , and how he wants to grow old . I reminded him that he is already old !! And that I am not the side chick, who he can disrespect and toss a side. I told him I forgave you ones but that’s it .
I also told him as for his job, I have no intention to say anything, not because of him but because I work there as well . His excuse was that he just feels bad for her and try to do nice things !! I laughed in his face and told him based on her fb a lots of guys are doing something nice for her. The safe FB she blocked me at a few months back.
Anyway I never felt better, I hit him like an invisible composed tornado. He made his bed he can lay on it alone !!
This morning he started talking about our future trips, I asked him if he had forgotten our talk last night. He just was quite and miserable all day and guess what I don’t feel a thing for him anymore

5 comments posted: Saturday, March 4th, 2023

Please help with advice

Warning. : i had a few glasses of wine so my typos are ridiculous !!!

So now that I know and have met with a divorce lawyer , I know my rights in my state I can file for infidelity but I am told I need more evidence . In order to do so I need to act normal . My WH knows something is wrong , he even stated : you’re different you’re not happy anymore what’s wrong ? Your distant .

If I go and file for divorce for cheating , I get a lot more money . But how am I supposed to act normal ? . I am trying , i know that I don’t want to be with someone that doesn’t love me enough to respect our marriage . Someone that I had defied my family and my religious believes to be with . A little back story we work in the same building , the OW works for him she is his secretary !! Clichée right ? . So today at lunch time I see her and she is doing her best to make eye contact and greet me , of course I do my best to make sure that doesn’t happen. Mind you I am in a position that puts me in a spot, where I have to lead by example and greet hourly associates . But damn I found myself to be that person in a leadership position where I am bringing home problems to work. I can’t help it but blaming myself, for not having control over my emotions . And I am good at that in normal circumstances .

I need advice , do I just break it off now and walk with 50% of our assets ? Or do I wait and collect more evidence and walk with 75% of our assets . I worked hard for what we have accomplished financially . I want the maximum , but my emotions are taking the best of me . Please advise

5 comments posted: Tuesday, February 28th, 2023

This Time I choose me

Wow , it has been so long since I last logged in here . I truly believed and had an amazing 12 years since WH first cheated . Through ups and down I believed we moved on . But here I am back sad . So we moved from the original city where he first cheated . Our lives went on nicely until recently I noticed the change . At first I gaslighted myself …yes I did .But the signs came I went to use his computer and voila he sent flowers on Valentine’s Day to his coworker the card read : happy Valentine’s Day !!! . The same coworker who broke her foot and he had been giving her rides since December, something I was aware of and supported , stupid me thinking she is a single mom of 5 blah blah blah . Now I did notice she deleted me off FB and I didn’t think much of it . Last weekend we went to check on the in laws, this was after I saw he sent her a $175 bouquet , so while he went into the gas station I looked through his phone . The only reason I was able to look at the phone he had the map app open . I saw text messages, while nothing romantic , as I didn’t scroll much I did notice that he texts her while he is home with me . He sent her a pic of his thorn slippers, call me crazy but I felt like that’s too personal . The flowers though hit me hard . Come on on valentines ?
So what’s my plan ? I don’t have one . He knows something is up , because I wear my emotions on my sleeves . What I am sure of , is that if he is truly cheating , i don’t want details , I don’t want to know the why or when or how . I am out this is where it ends. Fool me once not twice look
Any advice would be appreciated I

7 comments posted: Sunday, February 26th, 2023

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