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Newest Member: Kells

Wayward Side :
One time post

Topic is Sleeping.
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InkHulk ( member #80400) posted at 2:50 PM on Saturday, February 25th, 2023

I believe you. And it is also true there is a first time poster right now without a stop sign and it would probably be better if they had one, per this discussion. So whatever the process is that has it being removed for this new soul could stand being reviewed, IMHO.

People are more important than the relationships they are in.

posts: 1769   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2022
id 8779374
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SI Staff ( Moderator #10) posted at 3:38 PM on Saturday, February 25th, 2023

InkHulk, the Stop Sign IS the default for anyone starting a thread in the Wayward Forum. A reminder pops up. The poster makes the conscious decision to remove it.

Regardless, there are still rules for Betrayed Spouses posting here. Staff tries to read every post, but may miss something, or may not have gotten to it you. If anyone sees someone misbehaving in here, they should contact the staff to deal with it.

posts: 10033   ·   registered: May. 30th, 2002
id 8779377
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DaddyDom ( member #56960) posted at 1:35 AM on Sunday, February 26th, 2023

@Bigger,

Thanks for that post, it made me cry, really. It IS a lot to bear, and to overcome, and your acknowledgment of that struggle means the world to me. It says a lot about SI as well. I don't think any other forums come close to what we offer here. I feel really lucky that I found this place (My BS shared it with me, she found it), because I'm not sure we would have made it otherwise.

Credit goes to the BS's as well, who also drop in from time to time, when the stop sign is off, and do their best to overcome the urge to strangle a foggy wayward, and instead, offer to try and help them understand the work they need to do.

Thanks for the clarification the stop sign, admins. If fixing the stop sign is getting to be a burden, I'll gladly volunteer my services. A lot of WS's, even experienced ones, aren't always sure how a conversation will go in the long run, and so it's reasonable to expect some changes to be requested along the way. It's also fair to try and keep the "mod abuse" down to a minimum. Thanks for walking that line every day, we appreciate it.

Me: WS
BS: ISurvivedSoFar
D-Day Nov '16
Status: Reconciling
"I am floored by the amount of grace and love she has shown me in choosing to stay and fight for our marriage. I took everything from her, and yet she chose to forgive me."

posts: 1434   ·   registered: Jan. 18th, 2017
id 8779430
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WalkinOnEggshelz ( Administrator #29447) posted at 9:13 PM on Sunday, February 26th, 2023

The discussion of the Stop Sign has come up multiple times throughout the years here on SI. My perspective of this goes well beyond being an administrator.

When I was a new WW to this site, I am glad that I was afforded the right to chooses whether I wanted to have Betrayed members respond to my posts. I didn’t have control of very much in my life, but that one button gave some of it back. I rarely would leave it up as I valued the perspectives of each member that took the time to respond to me.

I do not think I will ever advocate for an automotive use of the Stop Sign. I feel that it would limit responses and delay WS members in desperate need to get help.

I do agree that harsh responses can drive members away. That is why we have guidelines in place. I hope that if we (staff) are not catching these issues, members are comfortable with contacting us. That is what we are here for.

In the end, it can be greatly beneficial to have a variety of voices posting and a variety of deliveries. Sometimes one tactic doesn’t get through and another will. Sometimes what we need changes along the way depending on where we are at in our journey.

As long as everyone is following the guidelines there isn’t a need to change the format.

If you keep asking people to give you the benefit of the doubt, they will eventually start to doubt your benefit.

posts: 16614   ·   registered: Aug. 27th, 2010   ·   location: Anywhere and everywhere
id 8779504
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 Bulcy (original poster member #74034) posted at 2:14 PM on Tuesday, February 28th, 2023

It is great seeing a couple of posters "coming out of the woodwork" and posting on here. I really do hope that you continue to post and get some direct benefit from the WS and BS on here.

Remember to use the stop sign for those initial threads, as this does make the difficulties we have in making the early posts a little more bearable and is certainly not a sign of weakness or avoidance as long as you're intentions are in the correct place. The WS on here will point out fi they feel you're fooling yourself.

WH (50's)

Multiple sexual, emotional and online affairs. Financial infidelity and emotional abuse. Physical abuse and intimidation.

D-days 2003, 2017, multiple d-days and TT through 2018 to 2023. 28 years of destructive and health damaging choice

posts: 363   ·   registered: Mar. 12th, 2020   ·   location: UK
id 8779776
Topic is Sleeping.
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