A lot of times, a WS's actions and their words simply do not align. When that is the case, go with their actions. I suspect that your WH actually enjoyed the sneaking around and pulling the wool aspect of the affair. However, that reality makes them look like a terrible person - because they are acting like a terrible person.
I'll give you an example of this:
I once had the "privilege" of knowingly being in the presence of a triangle. I worked a summer job at an educational camp. It wasn't uncommon for the adults to hook up with one another after hours. All of the people in this story were in their late 20's, early 30's. Two of the teachers got pretty close. One was a friend of mine (male) and he was single. The other was a woman I didn't quite care for (my own biases I'm sure) who had a long term boyfriend. They started hooking up. At one point, her boyfriend came to town to visit and my friend (the AP) told her he didn't want to meet the guy or be in his presence; he had qualms about what they were doing and had a "don't ask, don't tell" approach.
Well, the WGF seemed to get a kick out of the idea of two men being into her. So, she brought her boyfriend to a gathering that she knew her AP would be attending and introduced them. It was awkward AF. Her boyfriend seemed to a nice guy and was clueless, my friend, the AP, felt like a shitbag and left shortly after.
I remember the WGB gleefully saying to me that BF is clueless and AP is mad, she is expecting them to break out into fistycuffs any minute! I was pretty disgusted and made some comment to her that I thought it was kind of cruel to put them in that position.
I'm sure that had her boyfriend caught her, the story she spun would have been different. That she felt guilty, that she was uncomfortable, etc. Heck, when my friend (her AP) dumped her shortly after this she acted like a victim. However, Waywards get off on the attention. That someone would risk so much to be with them. Trust your gut and your husband's actions.
[This message edited by hurtbs at 5:13 PM, Wednesday, November 23rd]