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When Flirting Goes Too Far

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Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 3:03 AM on Tuesday, November 22nd, 2022

Alcohol does not agree with me so I don’t drink. While I was in college I tried it a couple of times. Once it was so blasted hot at a party that somebody kept giving me lemonade with vodka in it and I just chugged it. I threw up all over my boyfriends car but I remember every detail of that night because I did not pass out. I was hungover for three days. The other time I still remember everything so I don’t buy he does not remember. If he passed out then yeah that’s true but he had enough going that he was able to walk to the door and say goodby to the others when the party was over. I think he is stonewalling you like I said before. He’s just very good at lying and because you love him you want to believe him. I wish I was not so cynical but this just smells bad.

When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis

posts: 3604   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8766229
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PSTI ( member #53103) posted at 4:16 PM on Tuesday, November 22nd, 2022

I don't think that someone saying they married the wrong person has anything to do with flirting!!!

To me, flirting is lighthearted and playful conversation that may or may not be sexual in nature.

Me: BW, my xH left me & DS after a 14 year marriage for the AP in 2014.

Happily remarried and in an open/polyamorous relationship. DH (married 5 years) & DBF (dating 4 years). Cohabitating happily all together!! <3

posts: 864   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2016
id 8766286
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 5:35 PM on Tuesday, November 22nd, 2022

I have a lot of thoughts but before I respond, I do have a question [and if I missed it in previous posts please forgive me].

BUT - how did your friend respond?

Because in life I've found there are 2 things you can trust for the truth - little kids & drunks.

So your WH is way out of line at best.

Your friend's reaction and response is equally important.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades - Children (1 still at home) Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBS 2018 Cease & Desist sent spring 2021"Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3572   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8766300
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Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 2:35 PM on Wednesday, November 23rd, 2022

I don’t believe in vino veritas – in wine, truth.
At least not to the point that everything a drunk person says is true. Just imagine if that was an acknowledged fact: before witness statements at court you had to chug a quart of vodka and some beers…

I do agree that it lowers inhabitors and might access some thoughts or emotions that have been subdued, but not necessarily commanding or true. Like I might have days I hate my job, but others when I really enjoy it. If I gripe about my job when drunk doesn’t necessarily mean I hate it all the time.

The big issue I would have in your situation is the married the wrong people issue.

I suggest this:
Tell him that THAT comment hurt the most. If he wants to screw around with other women – your friends or whomever – that’s something he can do. You aren’t preventing him from doing it. But not as your husband. If he has this urge or need to do that then you two can just polish off a divorce as quick as you can and he is free to run around with his pants on his heels.

But… tell him that if he wants to be married to you he now needs to convince you that the past years haven’t been a lie. That his comment indicates he regrets marrying you, and he now needs to convince you otherwise.
He can do that verbally, but even better would be with ongoing actions and behaviors such as showing you respect, attention and love.

Tell him that you too can have doubts. They haven’t been prevalent in your thoughts, but his sentence makes you think that maybe your efforts aren’t enough, that for HIM you are lacking, and maybe your efforts would be better invested in another person. He shouldn’t worry that you cheat – you would never do that. But if you aren’t convinced that YOU married the right man and that said man was convinced that HE married the right woman… you might end the marriage.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 11139   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8766437
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