SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I only feel safe posting again because our divorce terms are finalized, he’s starting to move out, the new loan on my house is done. (I believe WH trolled me on my last thread).

But this is about our mutual "friends". The final piece of proof I needed after seeing an email and then his lies and cover-up was a comment by mutual friends that I should hang out at a bar again with them and WH; they said WH’s behavior there was making them uncomfortable. Aha! That’s who he’s dating, someone from the bar. ( I went once or twice but late nights are out as I work and we have kids, dogs, responsibilities) I asked WH, "Did you hear what he said?" He responded yes.

I stayed with him " for the kids" 10 years ago after DD1 and I thought we were doing well, having fun. He had just retired and we were planning on me retiring too and looking forward to our kids going to college, giving us time to travel.

Anyway, that’s all I needed to realize I was done. DONE. I told him I wanted a divorce, and he started gaslighting me. But what the friends said…..

The friends invited me over a few days later. I figured they would tell me what they saw that made them uncomfortable, and then we were going to drink beer and listen to sad country songs. But when I got to their house they only had one concern: that they not be seen as "snitches".

The husband started out. He wanted to know what exactly he said that set me off. I confessed that it wasn’t much but it was the final piece of the puzzle. "See, that’s what I thought,I didn’t really say anything" he told his wife.

Apparently the morning (8am per phone records) after he made that comment WH called him up and cussed him out. "You fucked me!" Is what he recalled WH yelling at him. Friend tried to assure WH he’d done no such thing. Friend had his wife call WH and also plead with him that they "didn’t tell me anything". Friend then says, " because I saw what I saw and then my wife saw what she saw but we would never TELL you". Wife agrees with this and says, "yeah, we don’t believe in telling". They then ask me to please tell WH that they didn’t tell me anything.

One I’m in shock. Two the just told me quite a bit. Three who the hell are these people??? I finished my beer and left with a lot of thoughts running through my mind. Honor amount thieves? Jail snitch culture? Are the covering for each other? (BTW wife is a marriage therapist, what the hell).

The husband called me again a week later angry that I had told a mutual friend about his comment. (She asked why we were getting divorced and I included the uncomfortable at the bar comment). Husband was yelling at me not to repeat that and to call mutual friend and straighten it out. I told him off, talked about the virtues of truth, suggested he get straight with the Lord and then hung up and blocked both the husband and wife ( who I had previously been good friends with). I’m still SMH over the whole thing from WH’s call to their behavior. I’ve wanted to bring it here to get your thoughts.

Any so called "friends" that stood by and didn’t try to protect your M, were never true friends. The bff that covered and encouraged my WW to cheat is dead to me.

Go NC with these nasty toxic people, you are set free!!! Take it and run!! Best Wishes to you

With friends like that,who needs enemies?

So they did the right thing and it cost them the friendship of a cheater. In an attempt to recover the relationship they asked the betrayed to please relay that they wish they had supported the cheaters lies.

(BTW wife is a marriage therapist, what the hell).

Maybe she should switch to pet therapy, her grip on human nature seems to be a little loose.

Screw those people…they aren’t friends. Not to you, anyways.
Be glad you got to see their true colours now and toss them to the curb with your cheating H.

‘Nothing to see here, folks, just taking out the trash’!

Welp, more nasty people to kick to the curb with your stbx. Pretty clear that they’re your stbx’s friends more than yours. The fact that they have the audacity to ask you to relay a message to stbx is pretty fucking telling.
Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Ugh! I'd ghost these so-called friends immediately. AND since your settlement is done and divorce is going through and he's moving out, NEVER be afraid to tell the truth 'when asked' as to why your marriage ended. Telling the truth is cleansing, I found out. Don't protect him OR those so-called friends -- when asked. Sounds as if you are going to be much happier now without him and you don't need such 'friends.' Make new friends.

I deleted and blocked my xwh after we filed for divorce. I did have some mutual friends (a few of which I am distant friends with still), but early on they would try to tell me things about my xwh and I had to make it abundantly clear that I. am. no. longer. interested. in what he's doing, who he's doing, or anything else about him. I also definitely parted ways with some people wo wouldn't honor that request.

The other reason for kinda distancing myself is that I don't want him knowing about my life anymore either, so I don't want "friends" sharing my business with him.

It's one of those kinda un-thought-about things when you decide to part ways, that a lot of those so-called friends are not people who get to follow you on your journey forward. Sounds to me like dropping these two is not a bad thing for you though!

After a month of gaslighting by STBXH the truth is more important to me than ever and having solid, ethical people around me feels like a safe barrier. STBX’s opinion is that if I’m telling friends we’re divorcing based on his affair then he’ll tell them I had an affair too, even if it isn’t true. He told my kids that, told one of my good friends and all of his friends.

( 22 years ago I drank too much at a convention and was left alone with a man I didn’t know who started kissing me, I called STBX during it and asked him to help me. He said he was too tired. Luckily I got myself out of the situation. I felt bad I ever got into it in the first place but fortunately nothing bad happened. I forgot about it, except I stopped drinking that much when I was alone, and would have never thought of it again except when I uncovered his 2yr P and EA he threw it back at me. Really? That’s your excuse?? There’s NO moral equivalent! Anyway, that’s the story he’s spreading minus the me calling him and the nothing happening)

So now I guess we’re both gossip, he’s portraying himself as a victim and has our mutual friends going along with it.

As for this couple, I found their behavior shocking. I found my STBX’s behavior if swearing them out scary. He has to be right all the time ( hence the trolling me on this site) and doesn’t seem to care about truth, no remorse, no appreciation of what he’s put me through. It seems to be a game he can "win" if he gets people to believe him. Sick. They’re all a sick bunch. I don’t know why the couple would put up with him cursing them out. I don’t recognize any of these people as the people I thought they were.