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Newest Member: trustingyou

New Beginnings :
unwanted contact from ex

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 716dayslost (original poster member #11536) posted at 9:34 PM on Sunday, August 28th, 2022

This is more of a vent than a question...
I have been D for 9 years now. I was kind and wished WW a good life, but made it clear I wanted no contact in any way ever. It has been for a while but this summer she has tried to make contact. Last week she sent me a note. I never respond or let it be known contact was received. I have no animosity, I am indifferent to her.
One family member wanted me to reconcile or become friends, another said for me to let go of my hate. They do not understand, there is no hate and no desire for and contact. Why do people assume that you are either friendly with an ex or you must hate them? it is not an either or.
So I will continue to try and live my best life. I will ignore the attempts and not acknowledge them. Being single has issues, but not having my ex a part of my life is a good thing.

You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I'll stand my ground and I won't back down

posts: 1604   ·   registered: Aug. 2nd, 2006   ·   location: New York
id 8752716
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Healershaman ( new member #71482) posted at 2:07 AM on Monday, August 29th, 2022

@716dayslost If I may, I'll vent too.

I don't understand why after all the affairs, the nude pics published on internet, and the diatribes published that she tries to make small talk when forced into the same physical space. Why can't she just pretend we're strangers in line at the grocery check out and say nothing?

I don't hate her. I just don't want to see, hear, smell, taste, or in any way be aware of her existence. Boundaries set up with now adult children - if you have / want relationship with your biological mother who abandoned you, I want nothing to do with it, and when (not if) she hurts you, you deal with it on your own. Not my issue if you chose to play in traffic and got run over by the bus.

I went for a hike today in a place we used to hike together. Thought of her briefly, and then let her go to my higher power. Hike view were still beautiful. Weather was perfect. And I exceeded my goal for miles today. All Good!

I'm much better off that she left.

thanks for reminder.

posts: 31   ·   registered: Sep. 5th, 2019   ·   location: New England
id 8752758
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Bingo ( member #72835) posted at 2:24 AM on Monday, August 29th, 2022

It's been over 2 years since my divorce and I just recently deleted my ex from my contact list and blocked his number.

I don't think I wanted to admit that I always had hope that he would try to contact me.

It was amazing how much it helped me! I was finally able to realize that I didn't want any contact ever again.

How refreshing, liberating, and downright freakin' awesome!

Hang in there, guys! We got this...

posts: 144   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2020   ·   location: Florida
id 8752763
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 716dayslost (original poster member #11536) posted at 3:13 AM on Monday, August 29th, 2022

Thanks. This is no judgement to those who formed a friendship with their ex, but I never could wrap my head around that nor have I ever desired that. My WW betrayed my trust post D (I helped her with something) and I asked myself why would I ever engage in that again. Then some have contempt for the ex, and to me that is energy wasted. I always felt the path for me was indifference. I have no interest in putting any time or emotions toward that. Even as I write about her I do not feel anything one way or another. That is peaceful. Disconnection is a beautiful thing.

You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I'll stand my ground and I won't back down

posts: 1604   ·   registered: Aug. 2nd, 2006   ·   location: New York
id 8752771
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HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 6:56 PM on Tuesday, August 30th, 2022

716 I feel you on the no contact wanted. Its different for us all, but minimal contact i think is preferred by most BS. I share children with my ex, so we are tied together until they're 18, at which point I'm hoping the contact will go down to near nothing save for graduation, kids marriage, grand kids and things like that.

The WW's/WHs don't see themselves as having done anything wrong. They don't see it as they blew up their family. So to them, they are entitled to the contact, and they turn things around and say we're being evil, holding grudges, can't move on, bitter, Not coparenting correctly, whatever it is that they can justify and spin to be the perpetual victims to whoever will listen.

I got a note from my ex too right before I got remarried (timing was suspicious), but I never bothered to read it. Whatever it was, didn't matter, I have already moved on. She should have said her peace right after Dday if she had anything to say.

Indifferent just takes time. Moving on with your life, living a better life is what we all should strive for. Tell you what though, a little Karma bus doesn't hurt either, no matter how long its been.

posts: 1364   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8752979
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Solarchick ( member #80222) posted at 7:48 PM on Wednesday, August 31st, 2022

I haven't heard from the WXH since the day I sold the house and he had to show up at closing to sign some papers. Based upon the way I treated him that day (he was nothing more than some signatures and was quickly and summarily dismissed), I think he's afraid to ever contact me again. Good.

Me: BW, 56, two awesome grown sons. Remarried in 2010. That lasted 11 years.WXH: Not even a blip on my radar anymore. I'm glad he's messing up the OW's life now and leaving me alone. D (with cause) in 2004.

posts: 91   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Hilton Head, SC
id 8753205
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 716dayslost (original poster member #11536) posted at 3:15 AM on Thursday, September 1st, 2022

Everyone is different with their ex. I simply felt that a D was complete. There were no kids and everything was split. I was civil for pet visitation until he passed and then she betrayed me for the last time about something. I wanted no contact in any way from then on. Not with anger or malice but indifference. My life is peaceful without WW in it.
No matter what connection you choose, may it be your choice and other should respect that.

You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I'll stand my ground and I won't back down

posts: 1604   ·   registered: Aug. 2nd, 2006   ·   location: New York
id 8753275
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