Newest Member: Orderamongstchaos


You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I'll stand my ground and I won't back down

Annoying contact from Ex

I have been D from WW for almost 9 years. I wished to have no connection (no kids, etc) with her and have been NC for over 4 years. I have no animosity toward her but wish to keep our lives totally separate in every way.

Over the last few months, she has made attempts to contact me. (She is blocked from my media) It started small, with a postcard. Then a letter, then a gift sent. Now she left a gift on my front porch when I was not home.

Have had enough and just want it to stop. Zero chance of any relationship let alone reconciliation. 10 years of affairs and false reconciliation were enough to know that chapter is closed permanently.

I do not want to contact her because that breaks my NC and then she achieved her goal to get me to respond.So is there anything you can suggest with out contacting her in any way? Should I just wait it out and see if eventually she gets the hint? I know nothing of her life so I do not know if her and AP are still together. What are your thoughts?

I just want to live my life in peace and she has no place in it. Thanks

3 comments posted: Tuesday, October 4th, 2022

unwanted contact from ex

This is more of a vent than a question...
I have been D for 9 years now. I was kind and wished WW a good life, but made it clear I wanted no contact in any way ever. It has been for a while but this summer she has tried to make contact. Last week she sent me a note. I never respond or let it be known contact was received. I have no animosity, I am indifferent to her.
One family member wanted me to reconcile or become friends, another said for me to let go of my hate. They do not understand, there is no hate and no desire for and contact. Why do people assume that you are either friendly with an ex or you must hate them? it is not an either or.
So I will continue to try and live my best life. I will ignore the attempts and not acknowledge them. Being single has issues, but not having my ex a part of my life is a good thing.

6 comments posted: Sunday, August 28th, 2022

Single does not always feel good

It has been a while since I have visited SI.
I don't mean bring negativity to a positive forum, but that how I am feeling. My attempts at finding a woman to share life with have been unproductive. I had one 3 year relationship since my D, but single for over 4 years now. I had some hope this summer twice with new women friends, but neither one felt the same for me.

I have read the data and how being a single male my age is extremely detrimental to my health. I have tried to also live my best life with travel and other activities. A female friend says I would be a great catch and check all the boxes (but maybe she is just being supportive). I am extremely open minded, but I am not going to settle for anyone just to avoid loneliness. But it feels like I still want a woman who wants me too. Is that so wrong?

I am a person of faith and pray on this a lot but also give it to God as well. The thing is I just don't know what my future holds. This is just a vent I needed to have. I do not want to sound discouraging to anyone single, but would say to keep trying.
Blessing to all the SI people. Thanks

11 comments posted: Sunday, August 21st, 2022

Stuck in place

I have been happily divorced for 7 years. I was ion a relationship with my ex-wife for over 30 years, with the last ten filled with her as a WW.

Post D, I was in counseling that helped me tremendously. That was ended over a year ago. I did not feel I was prepared or ready to not see a counselor, but it was not my choice. At the time, I just had some really negative dating experiences. A few months later the covid hit. Since that time I have really been searching for answers for what to do. Covid has been an excuse, but not the real reason I have been stuck for over a year. I do not know if I can open up to a counselor again; I cannot seem to connect with someone to date; I do not have my life together to be ready to date (I realize this is a shield because I have fear).

What brought this to head is the past few weeks I have had to help several friends/family though serious personal and medical struggles. (it has been a lot, including three with cancer). I am looked up to as someone that has all the answers and solutions (I do, for everyone but myself, lol). I am not in any dark or negative place, just want to have some direction in my life.

It feels like I have had blood taken from me and I have no avenue to get a transfusion for myself. Feeling drained and ironically alone though.

I do feel that I perhaps need professional help, but I am not sure if I can trust in counseling yet. I am sharing this here, because I do not have any other outlet.

I am interested in suggestions, encouragement, especially those who have experience in therapy. Thanks

9 comments posted: Sunday, March 14th, 2021

Many years after D still searching for answers...

I am not sure where this post goes, because I am not sure what category it belongs in. Honestly, I am not sure even if I belong here, but just reaching out.

In brief, I am still dealing with the aftermath of infidelity many years later. My ex cheated on me (without me knowing) before we even got married. The 1st reveal of an A was over 16 yrs ago. 10 years of attempted reconciliation and another A, we got a D.

It has been 6.5 years and I had one relationship in that time that she ended. It probably caused more damage to myself (thankfully she was not a WS, just not compatible).

Attempts to date have been awful, mostly non existent. I meet no women and OLD is just a sea of rejection. My qualities are solid, and I have been told that I would be a good catch.

Earlier this year, my counselor of 15 years said she was downsizing and cut me without any reason but kept other patients. She never recommended another counselor, just good bye. She asked me to stay in touch and I have messaged a few times (very brief, no personal info) and received no acknowledgment. So I was seeing a counselor for rejection and betrayal, and ... I get rejected and left out. smh

I have tried over the years to just accept being alone and live out my life. I can never seem to fully do that. There always feels like my life should be a shared journey. It is like I wish I had the secret to conceding to being single.

I am here because other than my counselor, even those close to me do not know what I am feeling.

I function well and work a lot.

The counselor situation is still raw to me, and I do not feel ready to start again with someone else. I do not know if I ever will. The question is, should I work towards that one day? Counseling was positive for many years and if it were my choice I would still be seeing her.

Also, how do I deal with my current status? Two things to note; I have put a huge amount of time and energy since the D into trying to find someone. It not from lack of effort.

In addition, the past few years I have traveled more than most people. Concerts, events, I have tried to be active... but all have been alone. Many women would love to have the journeys I have taken, just not with me. In less than 10 years I hope to retire to a great life, but I wish there was someone to share with.

Well, I thank you very much for listening to an SI old timer, lol. It has been a long time since I have been on here and triggering to say the least. I welcome your thoughts and encouragement. If you would like to know more please feel free to PM me. Thanks to all. :)

21 comments posted: Sunday, June 14th, 2020

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