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Newest Member: lrpprl

New Beginnings :
Red Flags, not moving forward.

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 freetogonow (original poster member #57821) posted at 7:22 AM on Friday, July 29th, 2022

So proud of myself.

New guy. Decided to take it very slow.


Three fairly major red flags very early on.

1. His "best friend" is a woman.

2. He goes to church but is not plugged in and seems very content to be on the periphery. People would say he’s a nice enough guy but he keeps his distance.


3. Doesn’t seem to have any close male friends. I’m not interested in someone who is only able to be close with members of the opposite sex.

Yeah I’m not doing this.

posts: 1763   ·   registered: Mar. 13th, 2017
id 8747591
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 2:00 PM on Friday, July 29th, 2022

Good for you.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12307   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8747630
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Fablegirl ( member #56784) posted at 3:23 PM on Friday, July 29th, 2022

Sounds like an emotional avoidant. There are a lot of them out there.

posts: 236   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2017   ·   location: Mid Atlantic
id 8747673
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 freetogonow (original poster member #57821) posted at 10:37 PM on Friday, July 29th, 2022

Fablegirl yes!!!

I feel like this type is drawn to my codependent inclinations. And I can fix them, right? My great love can make them whole 🤪

Nope. I recognize my unhealthy tendencies and won’t indulge them. I am not rehab for damages men.

posts: 1763   ·   registered: Mar. 13th, 2017
id 8747726
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 12:22 AM on Monday, August 1st, 2022

Great choice. Be proud of yourself.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1966   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8747846
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twicefooled ( member #42976) posted at 3:09 PM on Monday, August 1st, 2022

Congratulations for spotting those red flags <3

May 29 2021 ***reclaimed myself and decided to delete my story with my ex because I'm now 7 years free from him and mentally healthier than I've been in years.

*********When you know better, you can do better*************

posts: 471   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2014
id 8747890
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Mnvatxmnsd ( new member #45518) posted at 3:27 AM on Wednesday, August 3rd, 2022

I’m REALLY confused why these are red flags? Just seems kind of judgemental and odd.

posts: 42   ·   registered: Nov. 6th, 2014
id 8748102
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Hippo16 ( member #52440) posted at 12:47 PM on Thursday, August 11th, 2022

Go into her apartment and see -
Messy - stuff just laying around like open magazines on couch, dirty drinking glasses on tables, kitchen sink full of dirty dishes.
Killer: Spare bedroom floor - newspapers laid out and dog Sxxx and Pixx all over and DRIED.
contrast - she was perfectly groomed makeup and clothes -
Never went back

Date - spends time talking about friends and family - all with a serious tinge of negative comments on things like what they like, how they dress, what state their car is in (some folks hate having to have a car - and just do enough to keep it running) - no problem with that but everyone's car? (friends/family)
Never went for 2nd

Date: group type - meet for beach trip and dinner later - spends all her time speaking to/with OTHER people in the get-together
Never went back

Date: Manners - chews with mouth open and tries to speak with a mouthful of Lasagna. Primping on makeup at the RESTAURANT table. Obsessed with skin-tight pants. Wearing top that shows to much skin or see-thru-see-your-nipples - in PUBLIC. (Ok maybe I am too old-fashioned?)
Treats waiter/waitress rudely.
Never went on 2nd

Date: Get it on conversation wise and go horseback riding on a hot Summer afternoon. (Ya know what a sweaty horse smells like?)
After date - late lunch and she suggests we go to her apartment so she can "freshen up."
Her "freshen" is to re-do makeup. Then breaks out the wine and after a glass - scoots really close and suggest some physical activity.
I don't know her history and not really in the frame of mind (considering previous activities) and somehow manage to fake needed to get home to take care of
dog.
Never went back

get my drift?

Not Just Friends

posts: 650   ·   registered: Mar. 26th, 2016   ·   location: OBX
id 8749999
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