SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

((WOEs and HT))

I've told you both on seperate occasions what good people you are and how you both helped me on my own personal journey.

It is rare to see a couple come to SI, reconcile and then continue to pay it forward by sticking around.

You both are/continue to be an inspiration to me.

I will never forget HT telling me early on that I did not get infidelity yet. Despite me not wanting to believe it. . .it was true

Nothing, but love from me to both of you.

WOES, I know this is your post about your journey, but I wanted to take a moment to tip my hat to your husband.

I too came around after your early years, but not so much later that HT wasn't still around more. I always gravitated to his posts not just becuase of his clarity and charmingly "salty" style, but because of his candor about the sobriety party of his story. I too am a sober alcoholic, I know what that first year was like. That he, when broken down to his lowest, looked to the deepest part of himself and began his own journey of change, starting to walk his own road of healing and reconstruction in sobriety--that is heroism.

I've said here before, some of my favorite people, the people I most love and respect, are people who have betrayed themselves or others, whether through infidelity, addiction, or what have you, and done the hard work to rebuild themselves, seek amends, and seek to help others. They have a gentleness and sternness both, a sense of empathy and a sense of humility I find very compelling.

I think you are both such people and I wish you and HT all the best.

Congrats to 12y and hopefully many more. I’ve been around a long time as well. I think 2006. Keep up the good work you are an inspiration to all of us.

[This message edited by ann1960 at 9:14 PM, Saturday, September 3rd]

WOES - this is such an important post. It's so hard to know there is actually hope when we are embarking on this journey - and here you are bringing that to others. It isn't only hope you bring though. I find your posts to be the right mix of reality, straight forward no BS commentary, and sage advice coming from experience and true concern for your fellow posters in pain.

I'm not sure you know how many people you've helped, but you can be assured I am among them along with my WS who as you know, spent much time here exposing his "cognitive dissonance". I spent a lot of time doing the same.

And that brings me to this.

It’s funny (strange not haha) that waywards create a self fulfilling prophecy. We have a lack of self respect, don’t feel deserving of love, poor self awareness, lack of empathy, humility, vulnerability, and remorse. Yet here we are, needing to learn every bit of each and more to heal and to reconcile not just with our partner, but ourselves. I found the process of reconciliation to be a battle with all of those things.

This is true for both parties I think - the only difference is the source of the need for change. What surprised me the most was my need to change a lot and to maintain what I knew to be my integrity while at the same time being willing to let all of my honest feelings known. He had to do the same and so many times it backfired on him until he found his soul again.

I want to thank you personally for all you've done for us - explicitly and implicitly. I want to congratulate you for all of your hard work and that of HT as well. Infidelity as a watershed moment that really brings out the core of who we are and the potential of who we can be. Thanks for showing us the possibilities.

Good on you!

Thank you so much for everyone’s kind words and especially acknowledging the work that HT has out into this.

numb&dumb, you have had a front row seat on our journey. May I return the compliment back to you. You have also been so helpful to us.

Owl, in hindsight I can’t believe that HT managed sobriety and infidelity at the same time. He is an amazingly strong man.

ann1960, thank you!

ISSF, I have watched yours and Daddydom’s journey, rooting for the two of you every step of the way! I wish you both much happiness. You both have certainly worked hard for it.

WOES. Thank you for your post. I have a question, and I apologize if this was discussed in your posts prior to me becoming a member.

Did you and/or HT ever discuss what would have happened to the both of you and your M if OP hadn’t turned you down the day after DDay so he could R with his wife? If yes, was that a major topic of discussion or left to the hypothetical?

Dude67, I think HT and I have talked about anything you can imagine at least once!

We both can to the agreement that had I left for the OM there would have been no sunset to ride off into. It would have been a short lived relationship in the light of day. I am certain that he would have cheated on me and that I would have been very unhappy. In hindsight, I am shocked that I engaged in such childish behavior and allowed him to treat me with little respect. I had no idea what respect really meant until HT and I began this process of R.

My life surely would have been in shambles had my path gone the way of the AP. I have no doubt what a gift I was given by my husband and am still grateful for it.