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Off Topic :
Dealing with Parent death/Hospice timeline

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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 3:33 PM on Sunday, July 24th, 2022

(((((Hugs)))))

Sorry for your loss. Make sure you take some time for you today too. Self care is essential in staying healthy when grieving.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 22 & 25
Married for 30 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 19420   路   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   路   location: St. Louis
id 8747021
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 Kanashii (original poster new member #80132) posted at 7:36 PM on Sunday, July 24th, 2022

Thanks everyone for posting. My mom and sister have been staying at my place with my son and I so that we aren't alone. I've gotten a book to read to my son before I explain to him what happened with grandpa - "Tess's Tree." It looks like a good starter, but I'll still worry until after the conversation about my dad is over. We're all obviously rough and handing over the extra tasks that need to be done like informing VERY extended family. We gave away some of the medical items mom bought in preparation for dad returning from the hospital, but we are keeping his room mostly intact. We do not see a reason to rush as going into his room and seeing his things the way he left them still brings us comfort. We are still being contacted by rest homes and other service providers that mom was trying to get info from because we didn't know what his continued care would look like. Hearing from these places now after losing him makes all of us feel very...bitter.

We all try to find ways to be alone for 10-30 minutes at a time to let out our grief. Mom tries to get her head straight by taking some walks by herself. I get time by going outside to care for the pets.

Dad was not military but he did love military history. He tried to join and due to his asthma was not allowed to enlist. That did not stop him from watching the history channel (always on WWII) and knowing so much random trivia about airplanes. We're exchanging stories about dad together but it is still so very hard. He only died two days ago. My brain still does not want to believe it and I have times where I think "oh I need to tell dad that!" or "let's check with dad to see if this is something he wants." A piece of me still keeps trying to believe that he never left the hospital as he was in there for over a month before spending 30ish hours in hospice house. It feels like he should still be at hospice too- as I only saw him there once (the one full day he was there) and everyone said that he'd be stabilized to go home.

Me - BW Mid 30's
Him - WH Mid 30's

D-day1: Christmas Night 2021
D-day2:6/5/22
Separated.

posts: 34   路   registered: Mar. 23rd, 2022   路   location: United States
id 8747050
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WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 8:15 PM on Sunday, July 24th, 2022

Such hard times 馃ゲ

It sounds like y鈥檃ll are thinking things through and allowing yourselves the space you need to grieve.

I totally get it about thinking that you want to go ask/share something with your dad. The thing is, that particular part of losing a parent doesn鈥檛 stop - at least for me. My parents passed away in 2006 and 2015, and I STILL have those moments.

At first it can be a point of grief, but for me, it has become a comfort. Just another reminder of what they meant to you.

Thinking of you as you find your way through this time.

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 7542   路   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   路   location: Southeast USA
id 8747052
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Jeaniegirl ( member #6370) posted at 4:38 AM on Monday, July 25th, 2022

So very sorry for your loss.

"Because I deserve better"

posts: 3236   路   registered: Feb. 1st, 2005
id 8747105
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:03 AM on Monday, July 25th, 2022

So sorry for your loss. I know it seems so sudden and it鈥檚 hard to believe. But hopefully it was a blessing for your father and he did not suffer long. Let the grief do what it does, just like with infidelity it has its own timeline. Stop it I鈥檓 talking

On the super practical side, get more death certificates when you think you鈥檒l need. I can鈥檛 remember how many we needed one either of my parents passed but it was a pretty large number and it was easier to have them initially rather than go back for them.

Thinking of you and all of your family.

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4886   路   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   路   location: Northern CA
id 8747109
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