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General :
Need some advice

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 Red9999 (original poster new member #76099) posted at 2:08 PM on Tuesday, June 21st, 2022

Haven't been on in awhile. I emailed the OW Jan 2021. She said she never emailed him personally and he only sent her one gift. Since then I have found it was multiple gifts. Should I confriont her and let her I know she is lying or just be done?

posts: 24   ·   registered: Jan. 4th, 2021
id 8741208
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Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 2:14 PM on Tuesday, June 21st, 2022

It depends on where you are in your journey. It sounds like she hasn't come 100% clean, and that's not a good sign.

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 33095   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Massachusetts
id 8741210
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 2:54 PM on Tuesday, June 21st, 2022

You will never get the truth from the AP. Stop all contact with her.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades - Children (1 still at home) Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBS 2018 Cease & Desist sent spring 2021"Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3490   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8741215
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 3:02 PM on Tuesday, June 21st, 2022

So let’s play this out. You call the OW and tell her you know she lied.

She either lies again OR says so what or yeah ….and?!

What will it change?

[This message edited by The1stWife at 3:02 PM, Tuesday, June 21st]

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12307   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8741217
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Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 3:42 PM on Tuesday, June 21st, 2022

What does the OW have to gain from being honest?
Not much really. In fact she might have more to gain from being mean and causing you as much pain as possible. Based on what you have shared with her then that is probably her likely route.

Stop focusing on her. What she did or does or says is NOT the issue. The issue is that your husband needs to convince you 100% that he’s shared everything you need. That can be verified with hard evidence (such as credit-card transactions, account statements, phone-bills…), circumstantial evidence and/or eventually a poly where he hopefully passes.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 10815   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8741224
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morningglory ( member #80236) posted at 6:42 PM on Tuesday, June 21st, 2022

You aren't married to the AP. She is not worthy of your attention. You as well as your husband should be 100% no contact with her, permanently.

She's an adulterer, someone who has chosen to have sex with another woman's husband. That's much worse than lying, and you already know that she's done that, and she knows that you know. There is nothing more significant to confront her about. Let it be. Don't give her any more feelings of power by showing her that you still need to confront her.

posts: 454   ·   registered: Apr. 15th, 2022
id 8741256
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DailyGratitude ( member #79494) posted at 6:49 PM on Tuesday, June 21st, 2022

A woman who willingly sleeps with a married man is trash. She has no morals or values and cannot be trusted. She went behind your back and received gifts, affection, attention, and had no problem breaking your heart. What makes you think she will tell you truth? Her loyalty is not to you. It’s to herself.

Me: BW mid 50’sHim: WH late 50’sMarrried 25 yearsDday: EA 2002 PA 9/2021Divorce 10/2021 (per wh’s request) WH left to be with AP

posts: 307   ·   registered: Oct. 17th, 2021   ·   location: Connecticut
id 8741258
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