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Newest Member: Isabel121

Divorce/Separation :
Money

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 Gottagetthrough (original poster member #27325) posted at 7:33 PM on Friday, June 10th, 2022

Wh had an affair in 2009, left us for ow and it was messy.

Took him back in 2012, (affair ended Jan 2011 but we were still separated for 20 mos after that)

He had an EA with a coworker 2019-2020, which ended in him resigning/ getting fired whatever.

I have put him thru law school, dealt with his crap, and that affair 2 was the final straw. I dont want to grow old with this d-bag!

So. He starts his own law firm after he is fired/resigns whatever…. Two years on, and he is STARTING to make money.

For years we never had enough. He just finished a case that earned him what he made in a year at his old job.

One case. A years salary.

I knew this could happen. Defense lawyers make a ton of money.

The question is- donI stay? After all the lean years. I want to collect!

He doesnt want a divorce. (Of course not. Im great and he is crap. He knows im too good for him!)

posts: 3761   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2010
id 8739668
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 12:56 PM on Sunday, June 12th, 2022

Alimony and child support is based on his current pay. Not his past pay.

You can start to put an exit strategy together - you get some $ and start putting it in a bank account he doesn’t know about.

Give yourself a 6 month and 12 month plan.

Make his newfound wealth work for you.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12171   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8739835
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jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 2:28 PM on Sunday, June 12th, 2022

Alimony and child support is based on his current pay. Not his past pay.

You can start to put an exit strategy together - you get some $ and start putting it in a bank account he doesn’t know about.

Give yourself a 6 month and 12 month plan.

Make his newfound wealth work for you.

Exactly.

Personally, I would be involved heavily in the financials of the marriage. If you do not trust his character, what would stop him from squandering marital income?

BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married almost 30yrs.

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day(s): Enough
Accepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14

posts: 4034   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2010   ·   location: northeast
id 8739844
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morningglory ( member #80236) posted at 5:44 PM on Sunday, June 12th, 2022

Do a free consultation with an attorney about this financial situation. My instinct would be to stay with him for another year or two (whatever you can stand, but at least one year), so that you can squirrel away a tidy nest egg in a secret location, and be more sure of getting alimony based on his current income. During this time you can also research real estate and start making plans for where to live, how you'll budget, etc. This will help to make the break-up easier for you in a practical sense. But as I'm not an attorney, I don't know how alimony works in your state, so be sure to get professional advice about that. Consult with a good attorney and make a secret plan based on your financial best interest, not your emotions.

Do not stay with him for life- the money isn't worth that. But since you've put up with him for this long and sacrificed personally and financially to get him where he is now, you might as well put in at least another year or two and be able to reap the long-term financial benefits that you deserve.

[This message edited by morningglory at 5:41 AM, Monday, June 13th]

posts: 378   ·   registered: Apr. 15th, 2022
id 8739867
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ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 9:53 PM on Sunday, June 12th, 2022

Consult with a good attorney and make a secret plan based on your financial best interest, not your emotions.

THIS.

Also, be careful about having a bank account that could be tracked - if you are going to D you will need to disclose your assets and you don't want to have any that could be found.

Cash is KING.

((((ggt))))

Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now

posts: 8443   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2009   ·   location: EU
id 8739902
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Lionne ( member #25560) posted at 7:10 PM on Monday, June 13th, 2022

You are young. Plan on getting out of this dysfunctional marriage. Live an authentic life.

I am older. I stayed, not for the money, per se, but because we had no young kids and double income. I penny pitched for years and we were now approaching a time when money was not an issue at all, and I had lots of free time to travel. Divorcing would have split our money right down the middle, I would have been okay, without a whole lot of fun money. We are cordial, even friendly and will care for one another as we age. We share one grandchild with potential for more.

BUT, I so, so resent that I was denied a real, loving marriage (with normal a sex life!) While he says he loves me, and I believe he does, he's damaged emotionally and will always be an addict albeit, one that isn't actively using. Don't do that to yourself!

Me-BS-65 in May<BR />HIM-SAFWH-68<BR />I just wanted a normal life.<BR />Normal trauma would have been appreciated.

posts: 8484   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2009   ·   location: In my head
id 8739998
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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 9:25 PM on Tuesday, June 14th, 2022

If you are unhappy, then get out. It's that simple.

I didn't want to get divorced but it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I was miserable and I was being emotionally abused and I didn't know it.

I would strongly recommend that you see an attorney in your area and learn what a reasonable outcome would be as far as your (possible) divorce. Someone above suggest a 6-month or 12-month plan and I agree.

In my divorce, it seemed like they took a 4-year average of my income (I don't have a defined income) most of the time. But, in our recent settlement, we used my ex-WW's current salary because she got a big raise starting on January 1, 2022 rather than her past income. In contrast, we used the income from the judge's ruling because I made a little less than his number in 2021.

A lot of attorneys give free consultations. You could definitely take advantage of that and see 1-3 attorneys to learn what you are up against. I also wouldn't be afraid to get a paid consultation if you can afford it. You don't want to mess this up.

Finally, learn as much as you can about divorce laws and work with your attorney. You know your case better than your attorney, so you need to educate him/her as much as you can. My ex-WW, thankfully for me, screwed this part up big time. She literally testified against herself at trial on two of the four issues that needed to be resolved at trial. Then, she immediately bought a house with her current BF after the judge's ruling. In my location, co-habitation with a romantic partner is grounds to adjust/eliminate alimony. So, to summarize, she went to trial over four issues... but she testified against herself on two of those issues and then threw away a third issue (alimony) by moving in with her boyfriend.

Me: BH, age 48Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5285   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8740216
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