I hope you are able to make it work with the last chance he is granting you.
My own perceptions on the chance being a genuine one or not may be skewed by all the reading I have done here and what I have seen from friends and aquaintances. I perceive that there is a man who is deeply hurt and has tremendous baggage around your A that superceeded it from his childhood. I see a man who suffered through a chaotic and abusive upbringing, looking long and hard for certainty, a shelter and safe haven from the chaos he was raised in.
This is where you come in, a completely (to him) known quantity, no ugly history to fear, no skeletons in your closet. You and he share a faith, another source of constancy he was craving as a child. You seem to grow together as husband and wife and as Christians.
Until you dont.
Your A tore the heart out of him. His dreams of constancy, assurance and straight paths through the wilderness got burned down. He cant trust you, one of the 2 large pillars he built his life upon. What is he left to console himself with? His faith.
Only now he is hurt, angry, bitter and raging! "God, I loved you and followed all your rules! Where is my "goat" to share with my friends? (Shelter from pain not of his own causing.) Why havent you abandoned her when she squandered the gifts I and You gave her?" Hes mad at God, elder son with the clean track record watching as God decides to meet his Jezebel wife with mercy and a chance at redemption.
Meanwhile, his life is up in flames. And youre the one holding the smoking match. All the while, God is offering you mercy.
So, yeah, mad at God for not protecting him from the pain you caused him (the elder, self righteous brother). Except, if he allows himself to be mad at God, wont God judge him? I mean, if parents can abandon their kids, its not too far a stretch to fear God will abandon us too. Also, isnt it a sin to be angry at the great perfection which is the holy trinity? Who are we mere creatures to question His perfect plans? Doesnt that show a lack of faith amd trust in Him??
So... if you are afraid of the last Person you trust with your life leaving you because youre mad at them, do you rage at them?
No, he cant rage at God for the pain His gift of free choice allows into our lives. If hes mad at God, it is a sin and he might be abandoned by Him.
Who can he put his anger onto instead? Who can he use his faith as a whip to scourge instead? Who can he reject in such a "righteous anger" so as to prove hes the dutiful elder son? The son who always does right and knows just what God wants from him? The one who God will choose over his cheap Jezebel cheating wife? The one who will NEVER be abandoned by God?
Anger for you has its place. Wrapping it up in religiousity scapegoats his anger at God onto you. THIS is the aspect of his language and his attitude that I am calling bullshit on.
Until he can look you in the eye, sinner to fellow sinner, both in need of mercy from God and forgiveness from each other, its all a game he is playing with you. It will never be the equal partnership of a woman drawn from his side (not foot, nor head), with a man, in quiet relationship to the God that made them.
Do you both want a relationship where you walk side by side in the cool breeze of the evening, sharing all and hiding nothing from each other and your God? Can you both get there while he plays "favorite child" to God?
You abandoned him in your A. He has only God left to lean on. Only, its so confusing, how can a good and loving Father allow his beloved children to suffer so much? How can a good God permit one who has WAY less sin to suffer at the hands of a blood red sinner? How can your BH reconcile that in his head? Will God abandon him for even questioning it? Where will that leave him? Then BH will truly be alone! And thats not good...
Maybe its just easier if he puts that doubt, fear hurt and rage at God completely on you instead.