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Livingingrief (original poster member #79723) posted at 9:22 PM on Wednesday, May 11th, 2022
Dday was the day my life changed forever. That day I caught my H sexting his AP in the garage. He feel asleep( loaded on xanax) while texting her. As walked in to see what he was doing, I seen he was asleep and walked over to wake him when his phone got a message. I picked up his phone from his lap and my world literally crumbled. When I realized who he was texting ( my friend/neighbor. His friends wife), I felt even more shattered. The messages I seen were very graphic. They were very sexual. Today I struggle with trying to forget these messages. How do I stop letting these messages haunt me?
Hippo16 ( member #52440) posted at 11:59 PM on Wednesday, May 11th, 2022
How do I stop letting these messages haunt me?
Time - lots of Time
and - restoring "the marriage" - as much as possible which also means to a level of mutual satisfaction..
It has been almost 40 years for me - and "That Sunday" (discovery) is still vivid.
The memory doesn't "haunt" but it still brings a bit of sadness when it pops up.
Time has ground off the sharp edges of the memory - but only Alzheimer's or passing through the Holy Gate will 
terminate the memory.
There's no troubled marriage that can't be made worse with adultery."For a person with integrity, there is no possibility of being unhappy enough in your marriage to have an affair, but not unhappy enough to ask for divorce."
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 1:53 PM on Thursday, May 12th, 2022
Was it just sexting or was it more than that?
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Livingingrief (original poster member #79723) posted at 12:28 AM on Friday, May 13th, 2022
It was more than that. The A got sexual a month before dday. My H cut if off on the day it got sexual because he said he felt so much guilt and he felt gross. I guess the next month he was wanting that rush because I caught them the day they started texting again.
ShockedAndShattered ( member #79685) posted at 7:51 PM on Friday, May 13th, 2022
I am so sorry you are going through this. It freakin' sucks and I completely understand how you feel about not being able to forget what you saw.
It's been 8 months since I found the hundreds of pictures and videos of her, the messages they sent back and forth and the WORDS HE SAID TO HER. At the beginning, I would read and re-read the messages over and over again to look for some "gotcha!" thing that I hadn't seen or noticed before. The more I read them, the more disgusted I became. For me, the pictures and videos were awful but what gutted me was what he said to her. How he talked to her. How often he talked to her. It still kills me.
After that AP, I found others. He said things to them that also gutted me. He spent an extraordinary amount of time talking to them. He shared things with them, said beautiful, poetic and romantic things to them that I thought came from romance novels. Things he never said to me.
I struggle every single day but I can tell you that I don't think about it as often anymore. What Hippo16 says is true. It will take time.
I wish you all the best and I hope you find peace in your heart.
[This message edited by ShockedAndShattered at 7:52 PM, Friday, May 13th]
BS(me):42 WH:43DDay 1- 9/11/21 EA 5+ yrs & lies TTDDay 2- 9/23/21 EA 2+ years & lies TTDDay 3- 10/17/21 EAs 1.5 yrs/5+ yrs TTDDay 4- 4/11/22 Conf PA w/1 EADDay 5- 8/2/22 Failed PolyDDay 6- 8/7/22 Whatever...
LIYA13 ( member #62026) posted at 8:13 PM on Sunday, May 15th, 2022
I still havent forgotten. Its not easy to just forget. Its like we have lost someone to death but they are always on our minds now and then. I feel the same about my marriage before the A. Its dead. I still cant forget the images photos and emails and text messages. Heck. I even have them saved somewhere. I think i threatened the AP with the sexual photos she sent to my H. I cant remember but all i know is that she got very scared of the exposure of her photos. I dont think i would have done it though. Im not that kind of person.
5 years later its not fresh in my mind but if I close my eyes and spend time thinking about it then I can picture everything including the day I found out he took her to our Anniversary restaurant. A restaurant that I loved going to. I only found out about the restaurant through his bank statement. Even till this day I have not gone past or even walked into that restaurant.
Im not sure if its just time that heals all wounds. Its everything else that happens in life that helps put these bad memories at the back of our minds. Im thankful for my children, my family, my friends and my job and every other event that helps surpress these negative thoughts. Im just glad my days are super busy because if I did have time to spare I think I would start dwelling on the past events and get angry. Keep yourself busy. Do the things you love doing. Give him more reaponsbiilities at home and you go enjoy your life because clearly he wasnt exhausted enough that he had time to even exchange phone calls and sexual messages and pictures etc.
CoderMom ( member #66033) posted at 4:19 AM on Wednesday, June 1st, 2022
Time, prayer, and counseling would all be good suggestions.
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