Okay so just a quick update. I've been staying at my sister & brother-in-law's house since Easter. We've been hashing out memories, past things that could have meant something else, strategizing about lawyer stuff, living situations, freaking out, and just trying to stay positive together. We've all been deceived. I found out they have known about his narcissism since 2019 which was when they moved away.
I told my sisters. My sister-in-law told my other sisters-in-law. Everyone believed us immediately, no one questioned it.
My STBXH got served with a protective order Monday the 25th. That was a horrible freaking awful day. Right after getting served, he called my sister-in-law and said he was going to commit suicide and wanted her to hear it. He said life isn't worth living if I'm not with him. She reminded him about his older kids and he said "they aren't enough." She also tried to get him to call the suicide prevention hotline with her but he just kept freaking out. He also broke the no contact order by asker her to go get me and ask if I'm separating or divorcing him. She ignored his request. He hung up on her and I guess he talked with my dad after.
I told my mom that my dad should keep an eye on him in case he was serious. He listened to him for awhile. I am worried about dad falling for his shenanigans. I've talked to mom about my concerns and she's helped a bit because my dad is just so bad at communicating, but I still have to consider that my dad also cares a lot about him and I need to be careful what I say to him.
Last week on the 19th, my brother-in-law and I drove to my house to pick up evidence, my laptop, a few clothes and my car. It was like a covert op. I might write a book on it someday, it was just too perfect. We got all the things I needed and went back to SIL & BIL's house with zero issues. We even had a believable story for why my car wasn't in our driveway. It was terrifying. And STBXH played nice and love bombed the crap out of me last week. I told him I didn't want to talk and I needed space. He actually left me alone and didn't bother me. He did try to say he missed his best friend, which made me feel guilty and cry. My SILs and BIL cried with me and reminded me this act won't last. I knew that, but it's always nice to feel seen without being judged.
Something that really hit me last week was how physically different my STBXH looks to me now that I've had space. Glass shattered. He looks like a fat, disgusting, perverted gross man. It's very weird coming to this realization of who I have been with this whole time. He literally looks different. Now I know what my counselor meant by saying I won't be able to begin the healing process until I'm out. I thought I saw it before but now I really get it. I can't unsee it. I took off my wedding ring and my mommy ring one night because I couldn't get to sleep. I got to sleep after I took them off. It feels naked, but I'll get used to it. I'm also definitely going to be changing my name back to my birth name. I'm not his property, and anything I can do to separate from him, I will do it, even if my daughter has his last name. Just...no.
My lawyer is working on writing up a no-contact protective order for STBXH to consent to rather than go to court. I actually think he will agree to whatever I ask. We'll see I guess.
Also yes I am still speaking with my counselor, she is helping tremendously.
Anyway, I'm about to watch the NFL draft with my BIL. That's kind of weird and hard because I would normally watch it with my STBXH. We both have kinda weird feelings about it, because they would text each other about football all the time. But in reality, that's like the only thing they talked about together.
Thank you everyone for supporting me this whole time! I am actually out.
[This message edited by soapt at 1:52 AM, Friday, April 29th]