SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Your pain is valid, your pain doesn't get you a free pass to be racist, ableist, homophobic, transphobic, classist, sexist, etc.

Also please take a moment to check someone's gender in their bio, misgendering someone isn't a pleasant experience for them to have to deal with!

Can I ask something?

I always make an effort to use preferred pronouns. But I have always gotten a bit flummoxed on they/them.

I get when I'm talking about them how to use it, but if I'm talking to you, how does it work? I have always had trouble figuring out how to properly address they/them and it would be awesome if I could get some pointers!

Thank you for the reminder. I sometimes get a bit complacent as well, so it is appreciated.

Can I ask something?

I always make an effort to use preferred pronouns. But I have always gotten a bit flummoxed on they/them.

I get when I'm talking about them how to use it, but if I'm talking to you, how does it work? I have always had trouble figuring out how to properly address they/them and it would be awesome if I could get some pointers!

I hope its ok if I answer. You use singular they in exactly the same way grammatically that you use plural they.

For example, in speaking to you, I would say, "I am glad Cheatingwho started this thread because I agree with them that this is an important topic. I also believe that educating you on how to use their pronouns is important so you can properly adress them in the future. I hope people are receptive to their message". Etc.

Whereas, if I were speaking directly to cheatingwho, I would use second person pronouns, which are "you", for example, "thank you cheatingwho for starting this thread. This is an important topic amd I agree with you that it is important people do not use their own pain to ever justify or excuse racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, or other forms of discrimination and hate speech".

Asking questions is a great way to learn.

(I use she/they pronouns, which adds an extra layer of confusion for anyone who doesnt just default to she all the time for me, which admittedly most cis people do.)

Thanks IHPN, that does help. I've googled articles that didn't explain proper they/them usage half as well as you just did!

So how does she/they work then? Sorry I've generally only seen they/them or she/her, so not sure how the combo works.

And thank you cheatingwho for starting this thread. I always appreciate learning how I can be a better ally for LGBTQIA+ folks!

I’m not cysgendered. I’m a heterosexual woman. How is this suddenly a problem? Just asking.

I’m not cysgendered. I’m a heterosexual woman. How is this suddenly a problem? Just asking.

So you are a Transwoman?

I was born female with all the female parts. And I’m heterosexual. Why are people now insisting on calling me "cis"? It’s not my adjective. Lol

Cis just is to denote that you aren't Trans.
Trans means change and Cis means same, that's all.

The reason for it is because Trans women are women, so saying you are a woman isn't clear. Saying you were assigned female at birth or AFAB is also another way to say it. So you can say AFAB woman.

Or I can just say I’m a woman. Nobody needs to know anything more as far as I’m concerned. Thanks for the psa but it’s not relevant to everyone.

Or I can just say I’m a woman. Nobody needs to know anything more as far as I’m concerned. Thanks for the psa but it’s not relevant to everyone.

You are allowed to say that and Transpeople are allowed to clarify that you are Cis.

Question would you call a person who was born a man but identified as a woman, also just A woman? Or would you clarify?

If you are allowed to clarify that I'm "cis" then I should be *allowed* to state that you are (as trans) a man who changed into a woman, or vice versa. No? It's all words and perspective. If my "adjective" is "cis" in your vocab then your pronoun is not "they/them" in mine. It's not what I want to be called, it's not what you want to be called. See?

[This message edited by total idiot at 6:03 AM, Thursday, January 13th]

They aren't a man who has changed into a woman. They are a woman with a penis.

What you are saying is Othering Trans people and it's Transphobic.

My pronouns are they/the, you don't get to decide that for me and it's offensive for you to tell me that it's not what I am.

[This message edited by cheatingwho at 6:02 AM, Thursday, January 13th]

My "adjective" is heterosexual (if I even need one), not "cis." It's offensive to me to be called "cis." Touche.

Sexual orientation is not and should not be compared to gender or gender presentation. Being called "same" isn't offensive. Calling a woman a man is offensive! Using she/her or even he/him for me is offensive.
Also calling me heterosexual would be offensive too, but we aren't talking about sexual orientation.

[This message edited by cheatingwho at 6:10 AM, Thursday, January 13th]

The difference is you being called the "same" gender as you were born is VERY VERY unlikely to make you unalive yourself. The opposite doesn't hold true

You know I honestly don’t care what labels you or anyone assign to yourselves. I’m just saying don’t assign one to me. I’ll call you they if that’s what you need. I’d prefer to be she or her. And I seriously don’t know where the idea of "cis" came from. Was there a contingent of non-non- binary, straight people asking to be defined in a new way? I don’t think so.

Cis and trans for that matter both come from chemistry. One means to be on the same side, the other means to change.

Also you can't be non-binary and straight, because you aren't a man or a woman, so any relationship you are in is with someone who isn't the opposite gender as you. Thusly me calling myself Queer

[This message edited by cheatingwho at 6:22 AM, Thursday, January 13th]

I really wish their was a MOD who was awake!