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General :
Small psa from one of the gals, gays, and theys

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BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 6:45 AM on Thursday, January 13th, 2022

No one said anything "phobic" in the thread to which you are referring.

If you think someone made inappropriate comments, you can message the mods, they will review the threads and take action if necessary. It’s not fair to completely derail someone’s thread so you can police their language or tone.

BW, age 40
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried to a great guy

I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.

posts: 603   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8709477
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Seeking2Forgive ( member #78819) posted at 6:54 AM on Thursday, January 13th, 2022

Seems like this is off topic. If you have a specific complaint about someone violating the guidelines you should address that to the moderators.

People come here at the most dire time of their life seeking support in circumstances that are sometimes literally life or death. Other people, who have been through those exact same circumstances, hang around here to try to offer those people some support, comfort, and hope.

Very few of these people bother to specify a gender identity or pronouns and the truth is that 99.9% of the time it's completely irrelevant to the help that they need anyway. There is no standard place on this site to put any of that. Hell, half the people don't even bother to document in their profile or sig whether they're BS/WS or MH and that's actually relevant to the rules of the forum.

So demanding that people fish around for any clues about someone's gender identity before replying with the sincere desire to help is just nonsense, in my view. Hell, I've been misgendered here. I don't assume that's because anyone is being hateful or unkind. It's because it's sometimes difficult to keep track of who posted what and it's really easy to get the abbreviations confused.

The sad irony of your comment is that one of the core tenants that practically everyone who comes here ends up having to learn is that the road to hell is paved with the need for someone else to validate you as a person. The truth is that anyone hoping to recover from infidelity is going to have to pull up their big boy/girl/other panties and learn to value themselves for who they are and not what anyone else thinks or says about them.

Me: 60, BS
Her: 59, FWS
Dday: 11/15/03
Married 37 yrs
Reconciled

posts: 199   ·   registered: May. 18th, 2021
id 8709478
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Seeking2Forgive ( member #78819) posted at 7:32 AM on Thursday, January 13th, 2022

No one said anything "phobic" in the thread to which you are referring.

Oh. Ok, now I see where this nonsense is coming from. The truth of the matter in that thread is that we know absolutely nothing ***nothing*** about the gender identity or sexuality of the person in question. All we know is how a seemingly clueless, unremorseful, potentially gaslighting WH labeled that person for the benefit of their BS.

Holy shit. Read your own story and tell me that you can trust someone like that to accurately characterize any of that for their BS. Are you so possessed by dogma that you've lost all self-awareness and empathy?

Me: 60, BS
Her: 59, FWS
Dday: 11/15/03
Married 37 yrs
Reconciled

posts: 199   ·   registered: May. 18th, 2021
id 8709479
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ThemeforaJackyl2 ( new member #75686) posted at 8:45 AM on Thursday, January 13th, 2022

I really wish their was a MOD who was awake!

Just curious as to what the need for a MOD would be?

I'd imagine to moderate, and if that's the case, then I guess we as unique individuals aren't entitled to our own unique opinions. If this isn't the case, so what.

posts: 11   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2020
id 8709481
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WalkinOnEggshelz ( Administrator #29447) posted at 11:46 AM on Thursday, January 13th, 2022

This hasn’t not turned into a respectful discussion. As said on the other thread, it can be a learning experience to understand that words can matter. Much like infidelity, sometimes pain is hard to understand unless you experience it.

I am shutting this thread down as it does not pertain to infidelity. I am also shutting it down because of the blatant disregard for their feelings.

Me: WS late 40’s
Him: BH (HoldingTogether)
D Day: 7/24/2010
If you keep asking people to give you the benefit of the doubt, they will eventually start to doubt your benefit.

posts: 14742   ·   registered: Aug. 27th, 2010   ·   location: Texas
id 8709487
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