If you can't get what you want, you write it off and move on, right?
Yes Sisoon. But I joined this thread when it was suggested that anything is possible in R (written "ANYTHING is possible").
This bothered me because I believe, like probably many BS', that there is an actual debt created by infidelity.
Not just a debt caused by time or money or intimacy lost, but a debt caused by loss of the relationship.
I've seen it said many times on SI that it is impossible for this debt to be paid back.
So alas, "anything is possible in R" is true for some things, but not when it comes to paying back the debt created by infidelity.
Then I was asked that, if it were possible to pay back the debt, what currency would the WS use to pay it?
"paying" for something, to me, means it has to COST you something. It was suggested: would it be their Money? Sex with them? Some type of Pain maybe brought on by torturing them?
So I thought about this and, while I agree that it is impossible to pay BACK the debt, it may be possible to pay DOWN the debt.
So, what would be the currency used to pay DOWN the debt?
My opinion is it has to be their TIME.
If there were a way to pay down the debt, it would be with their TIME.
But not just time spent with the BS and/or the rest of their family, "fixing" things.
THAT would have a direct payoff return for the WS. They get to stay in the family. So of course they're going to do that. It's the bare mininum.
No, what would really cost them is time spent helping someone that can't give them a direct payoff return. Someone that can't do them any good at all.
That's why I suggested Community Service helping victims of Con Artists (divorced single parents, elderly people, CHILDREN, etc). One day of community service for every day the affair went on.
That, TO ME, would be something that would pay DOWN the debt.