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Newest Member: 39Robbo

Divorce/Separation :
I am officially divorced

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 Perdita1 (original poster member #67654) posted at 12:45 AM on Friday, December 24th, 2021

And it’s all done. I am officially divorced.

It all happened so quickly in the end. Got the news from my lawyers this evening. Really didn’t think it would all be done this side of Christmas.

I think I am in a little bit of shock. I feel a little bit sick. We were together for 20 years. Half my life.

My three young kids are my focus this Christmas. I’ve wrapped the presents and put up a tree. I can’t believe I’m alone for the first time in so long. But I’m no longer married to a cheater.

posts: 94   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2018
id 8705677
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LostInHisFog ( member #78503) posted at 4:13 AM on Friday, December 24th, 2021

Merry Christmas!

But no seriously, shock can hit when the dust settles, you’ve spent all this energy in getting out of infidelity and you do hit this stage of... what now?!! Then shock hits.

So like the self care at the start of dday, increase water intake, exercise lightly, take it an hour at a time.

If you’re after tips once Christmas is done I personally decorated my space within my budget with was tiny but a fresh environment made my "no longer a home" space into a sanctuary and speaking from a mental health point of view that turned my home into a warm safe space, it also took time which was blissfully distracting.

Best of luck over the next few days, onwards and upwards!

I edit because I'm fluent in typo & autocorrect hates me.

posts: 265   ·   registered: Mar. 14th, 2021
id 8705707
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 4:49 AM on Friday, December 24th, 2021

The phone call from the court can take your breath away. For me, it brought up thoughts of what I thought the rest of my life was supposed to be. I spent a couple of days feeling sad about it and grieving.

Take care of you. Feel the feels, and process through the emotions. Focusing on your kids at this time sounds great. Time to make new traditions.

Lea
Me: BW
Married 34 years, 3 DS
DDay #1: March 26, 2018, DDay #2 8/26/2019
Filed for D: 11/16/2020
D Final: 2/25/2021

posts: 782   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8705713
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 9:26 PM on Friday, December 24th, 2021

Perdita,
It is a weird moment— very bittersweet. Feel the feels and embrace the ability to breathe easily and not worry about walking on eggshells, worrying about what ex is doing, and just be. It will feel freeing, but there will be some sad days too.

This is a milestone and better days are ahead. Enjoy your kids for Christmas!

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA
Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4370   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8705924
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cancuncrushed ( member #28156) posted at 1:43 AM on Monday, December 27th, 2021

The shock eventually wears off. This has been a roller coaster. It takes awhile. Just like accepting the cheating was real. None of this is easy.

Take care of your needs too. Rest. Breathe. Be outside. Cook. Eat.

As time passes I look back and can see how stressful and robotic i was. I still don’t know how I did it. My mind was gone.

Peace will return. It took some time.

To make the big decisions while your in shock is the hardest.

Now you can sleep.

a trigger yesterday

posts: 4756   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2010   ·   location: athome
id 8706086
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