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Newest Member: 39Robbo

Reconciliation :
Back in the master bedroom

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 Humbled123 (original poster member #62947) posted at 4:52 PM on Monday, December 20th, 2021

I have been sleeping in the Master bedroom again after about a year and a half sleeping in the man cave in the basement. I have terrible ptsd from her affair because all of the rendezvous happened between 9pm and 1am. I had a nightmare about him and her on the first night in same bed. On the third night it was a nightmare with her and a mutual friend. Of course all sexual in nature. Nothing since then. That’s all. Just needed to share this with somebody safe.

posts: 216   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018
id 8705158
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jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 11:21 PM on Monday, December 20th, 2021

How do YOU feel sleeping in the bedroom now?

Better? Worse? Ambivalent?

BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married 28yrs.(together over 30yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day(s): Enough
Accepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14

posts: 3898   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2010   ·   location: northeast
id 8705223
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 Humbled123 (original poster member #62947) posted at 1:10 AM on Tuesday, December 21st, 2021

Overall better. Feel closer to her. She loves it.
She never really knew the full reason I stopped sleeping in there. I’ll keep trying to stay in there. I did have one restless night, no dreams, but awake, so I went downstairs to watch tv and fall back asleep otherwise my mind will just sit and rehash every detail I know and try to disect every detail that doesn’t add up.

posts: 216   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018
id 8705234
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TruthIsPower ( member #75776) posted at 3:06 PM on Tuesday, December 21st, 2021

She never really knew the full reason I stopped sleeping in there.

Humbled, does she know now? Did she do the work to make herself a safe partner to you?

You wrote: "She loves it". Seems like YOU don't to the full extend and how can your W "love it" if you don't. Did she offer any solutions? What does she do to make this space a safe space for you? There is no balance in your bedroom. But you made this decision and choice for one reason or another. Nightmares are usually the reflection of your emotional state. What do you feel after your return, what emotions? After you figure them out, you can start working on resolving them.

I would suggest some guided meditations to balance and heal your energy fields. What I discovered most damaged is the energy for safety and stability after DDay. You can start with healing this one first. I personally wish that I started this immediately after DDay's. You just need to find what works for you the quickest and the best. It is a miserable state to be in, and help neither you nor your W.

"Stop giving people the reasons to love you. Not all will see the beauty of your soul. Those who know, those who know who you are, will love you with something fierce and never let you go. Those are the ones worth holding out for."

posts: 159   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2020   ·   location: US
id 8705293
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 6:15 PM on Tuesday, December 21st, 2021

Humbled,

How is your W helping you with this? How is she helping you feel at ease in the bedroom with her? Are you being open to her about your pain and how is she responding?

R is a chance to change the dynamics. To open things up to be sure YOUR needs are being met. Uncomfortable? Probably at first. But an opportunity to deepen your communication patterns.

Bad dreams are going to happen— our subconscious works the night shift and as you process the A, it will churn up this kind of stuff. How you two work together to help you through it will help your mind feel safe.

Good luck, and hope you get a good night sleep!

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA
Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4370   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8705318
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NotMyFirstRodeo ( member #75220) posted at 7:07 PM on Tuesday, December 21st, 2021

I'm so sorry brother. In my first 15+ months I got almost no sleep and avoided nightmares. Only 33 months after DD I began to sleep heavy enough to dream and did well for a few weeks. Then the nightmares started and haven't stopped. It's somewhat comforting to know it's all in my mind though.

Out of curiosity, do you feel any potential lack of closure is causing any of the nightmares?

Every lie we tell incurs a debt to the truth. Sooner or later that debt is paid.

posts: 275   ·   registered: Aug. 19th, 2020
id 8705329
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veryconfused ( member #56933) posted at 4:16 PM on Monday, January 3rd, 2022

I had horrendous nightmares that came up years later. Curiously, they were not about her specifically but more about my reactions shortly after D-Day.

Anyway, the more I was able to discuss them with my wife the more they just vanished!

posts: 222   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2017   ·   location: Mid West
id 8707139
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veryconfused ( member #56933) posted at 4:17 PM on Monday, January 3rd, 2022

I had horrendous nightmares that came up years later. Curiously, they were not about her specifically but more about my reactions shortly after D-Day.

Anyway, the more I was able to discuss them with my wife the more they just vanished!

posts: 222   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2017   ·   location: Mid West
id 8707140
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