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Newest Member: Seekinghelptoo

New Beginnings :
I’m happy.

cool1

 truthsetmefree (original poster member #7168) posted at 4:47 PM on Friday, December 3rd, 2021

Just passed the 5 year mark on XWH walking out. I had given up on happiness ever coming. There’s also been a lot of other personal loss in that time. I sometimes just didn’t even know exactly what I was grieving. The heaviness just felt like it would never ever lift.

And yet somehow it quietly has. And what has been left is just a quiet, steady contentment. It’s actually better than happiness…more consistent.

I haven’t dated…actually have no desire. I honestly like having my own space and I’m not sure now that I’ll ever give that up again. Drama goes on all around me - some drummed up, much of it just life. At the end of the day, I close my blinds and all is calm in my own personal life. I am so very thankful for that.

For a long time I just seemed to not care about anything. It scared me…but I also thought maybe it was just a means by which my body and mind protected me. Sometimes though, I honestly wondered if I was just somehow broken. That’s still present but I’ve also learned now how to appreciate it…perhaps I’ve just recalibrated my emotional compass.🤷🏻‍♀️ Stuff just moves through me now…it comes and it goes. And I guess maybe I’ve learned how not to attach to anything. I just enjoy what I can because I’ve come to see that no matter what it is, there is something about it I always won’t like…But there’s also some aspect of it that I will miss once it’s gone. So I’ve learned how to look for that piece and focus on that instead. It’s truly changing my whole life. I’m so thankful for the experiences in my life that have brought this perspective.

I don’t really know why I’m posting. Maybe just to say, hey…I think I made it. Even if it took me 16 years in total to get here. Would it have happened anyway…without traveling this shitty path I did? I have no idea…and I don’t care. I’m here now and it is fabulous. ❤️

Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are Anger and Courage. Anger at the way things are, and Courage to see that they do not remain as they are. ~ Augustine of Hippo

posts: 8773   ·   registered: May. 18th, 2005
id 8702427
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 5:42 PM on Friday, December 3rd, 2021

Thank you for posting this. I feel that type of contentment, too. It's a steady enjoyment of where I'm at and what's in my life. I was wondering if there was something wrong with me because I'm 3.5 years out from Dday, 2 years from pulling the plug, 1 year from filing for D. I have no desire to date, either. Didn't know when I'd have my "New Beginning" to post.

After reading your post, I can be content with that, too.

Thanks!

Lea
Me: BW
Married 34 years, 3 DS
DDay #1: March 26, 2018, DDay #2 8/26/2019
Filed for D: 11/16/2020
D Final: 2/25/2021

posts: 782   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8702435
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 6:17 PM on Friday, December 3rd, 2021

I so relate to this. I really enjoy having my own life and own space and not having to deal with any relationship drama. I'm content. I'm happy within myself. I have been before, but it's extra nice now. I wouldn't turn down a date with someone I was interested in, but I don't have any desire to mess up what I have going on so my tolerance for bullshit would be zero. And I kind of dread the idea of falling in love with someone and losing this kind of peace. I almost wonder if I'd avoid it to keep from disrupting this life.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4789   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8702444
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:54 PM on Saturday, December 4th, 2021

Love this post. Congratulations! Keep living the life YOU want to live and appreciate every day.

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA
Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4374   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8702602
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DailyGratitude ( member #79494) posted at 7:26 PM on Saturday, December 4th, 2021

I am so happy for you!!!
Stories like these make my heart leap for joy

posts: 73   ·   registered: Oct. 17th, 2021   ·   location: Connecticut
id 8702620
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SoHappyNow ( member #8923) posted at 8:00 PM on Thursday, December 9th, 2021

I am delighted to hear this!

In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus--------73 now. Dday #1 was 11/11/05 ***Used to be hit-by-a-train*** Widowed, then VERY happily remarried 2/14/14

posts: 2672   ·   registered: Nov. 23rd, 2005   ·   location: USA
id 8703236
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Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 12:03 AM on Friday, December 10th, 2021

Yeah, contentment is the word and I'm glad you found it. I think I've hit that as well, or at least close. I'm just over 3 years S, and at first, I didn't know what I wanted. I was desperately trying to patch something in me. I felt panicked. And let's be honest, these last couple years have been acshitshow for all of us with the pandemic adding a layer of complexity to navigating life after Dday.

I tried the OLD and went on a bunch of dates, but it was slways the same. I felt nothing. It actually started to worry me, that lack of feeling. It's like I had lost the capacity to care. One date described me as cautious. No shit...

I found myself checking my profile way to often. But then something started to change. It started with me getting annoyed when I got liked, thinking crap, now I need to deal with that. Finally,I decided to delete my profile rather than snooze it, as I had the habit of doing. It was actually quite liberating. Now I'm back to feeling more contented. I've recognized that there is a good chance I will remain single, but I am starting to like the idea of that. It's comfortable.

The whole infidelity thing really does change us at a quantum level. In somecways it sucks, but in others, it really is quite refreshing. Like you said, my tolerance for bullshit is low. But I have also installed a "don't give a shit" switch. I use that frequently.

I have also experienced a spectrum of reactions, from planning my own suicide, to just being pissed off that I woke up to another day, to a general apathy to being alive. Now I am at indifferent, but Slightly curious to see how my life plays out. It might get better. Probably won't get good, but better is okay.

Well, that turned out to be a rant...

Me:53STBXWW:51DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off.Denied having an affair in court papers.

posts: 1187   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8703271
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 truthsetmefree (original poster member #7168) posted at 2:33 AM on Friday, December 10th, 2021

I wouldn't turn down a date with someone I was interested in, but I don't have any desire to mess up what I have going on so my tolerance for bullshit would be zero. And I kind of dread the idea of falling in love with someone and losing this kind of peace.

This perfectly sums of my perspective on a R. "Could be nice…could be a catastrophe. Eh, do really want to make a gamble?"


Like you said, my tolerance for bullshit is low. But I have also installed a "don't give a shit" switch. I use that frequently.

And this perfectly sums up my reconciliation struggle within myself. "I don’t care about shit…what’s WRONG with me???….Hey, this switch is actually kind of cool."

It’s the most bizarre contrast…but it can also be exciting to just say, "Fuck it. I guess we’ll just see what Life is going to do."


All - Thank you for the kind words. smooch

Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are Anger and Courage. Anger at the way things are, and Courage to see that they do not remain as they are. ~ Augustine of Hippo

posts: 8773   ·   registered: May. 18th, 2005
id 8703306
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