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How was SurvivingInfidelity web page and principles founded?

question

 ShutterHappy (original poster member #64318) posted at 6:56 PM on Wednesday, November 24th, 2021

I wonder how SI was founded? Why have a JFO with BS only forum? Why WS only with a stop sign?

My intend is not to criticize. I ask myself if I wanted to create a web site such as SI,I would never have thought about the rules that govern this site.

Maybe there’s some interesting story behind this?

Why are we not allowed to use the word « Jello » on Wednesday shocked

Me: BH
Divorced, remarried.
I plan on living forever. So far so good

posts: 1477   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2018   ·   location: In my house
id 8699991
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wifehad5 ( Administrator #15162) posted at 9:47 PM on Wednesday, November 24th, 2021

The short version is #12 in the FAQ: https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/faq/

FBH - 50 FWW - 50 (BrokenRoad)2 kids 14 & 18
The people you do your life with shape the life you live

posts: 54873   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2007   ·   location: Michigan
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 ShutterHappy (original poster member #64318) posted at 4:22 PM on Thursday, November 25th, 2021

It’s interesting but it doesn’t answer my main question… why is SI structured the way it is with the rules it currently has?

Surely there must be an interesting story behind this?

Me: BH
Divorced, remarried.
I plan on living forever. So far so good

posts: 1477   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2018   ·   location: In my house
id 8700158
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rugswept ( member #48084) posted at 4:31 PM on Thursday, November 25th, 2021

It's clear the final referee on this kind of question is from Mangled Heart (MH), the designer, implementer of everything we're using. I'm convinced it became part of him attempting to heal his mind body and sole in the recovery of his marriage to the beloved DeeplyScared (DS), his wife, who had an affair. They turned themselves to this effort to bring others through it. Very unfortunately DS passed a few years ago, a very great loss. She was much of the motivation for what you see.

As a technical thing, if you're from the world of design, development and hosting, you can see that the enormity of this effort came from the soul of MH in his progress in life, and afortiori, after she passed.

I may be wrong on parts of this, or most of it. I don't think so. It's the picture that seems to fly beneath the radar here.

R'd (rug swept everything) decades ago.
I'm big on R. Very happy marriage but can never forget.

posts: 980   ·   registered: Jun. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: Northeast US
id 8700160
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Bigger ( Guide #8354) posted at 4:31 PM on Thursday, November 25th, 2021

I think the rules are simply the natural consequences of evolution.
If we have WS posting on JFO we risk the loss of focus.
If we have BS posting on the Wayward forum, we have the allocation of blame rather than the generally gentle shove to healing. Every now and then a WS forgets to put the stop sign and generally that thread is soon full of fresh BS out for blood.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

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id 8700161
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RealityBlows ( member #41108) posted at 7:11 PM on Thursday, November 25th, 2021

In addition to Bigger's explanation, I thought it was also to provide a safe haven, landing pad for new arrivals. Then, as they become more stabilized and comfortable, can venture into other forums that allow Wayward input.

Ironically, I've found input from the Wayward side as helpful, if not more so, in many instances.

The crusading former Waywards here, who devote much of their free time helping BS and WS alike, are an inspiration to Reconcilers.

posts: 731   ·   registered: Oct. 25th, 2013
id 8700174
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 ShutterHappy (original poster member #64318) posted at 11:36 PM on Thursday, November 25th, 2021

I think the rules are simply the natural consequences of evolution.

I think it makes sense. Does it mean the site started without much rules, and they were added as it evolved?

Why are url links mostly prohibited? Was the site polluted by unsafe links at the beginning?

Me: BH
Divorced, remarried.
I plan on living forever. So far so good

posts: 1477   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2018   ·   location: In my house
id 8700205
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Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 2:37 PM on Monday, November 29th, 2021

A lot of SI has evolved through trial and error, particularly the Wayward forum. Several ways of managing that forum have been tried and the best result is what is present now.

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 32969   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Massachusetts
id 8701625
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MangledHeart ( Webmaster) posted at 10:19 PM on Monday, November 29th, 2021

Everything stated above is correct, except jello. smile

Does it mean the site started without much rules, and they were added as it evolved?

Correct. SI was started with no rules except we wanted everyone to show respect. A few years later we acknowledged that wasn't possible, so we had to begin highlighting things that repeatedly caused us problems and interfered with our purpose of providing a source of support.

Why are url links mostly prohibited? Was the site polluted by unsafe links at the beginning?

URLs are not mostly prohibited. We just prefer to approve them before they are shared. We have had unsafe URLs as well as soliciting that we wanted to minimize.

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength. ~Corrie Ten Boom

posts: 10000   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2002   ·   location: Texas
id 8701682
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JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 2:41 PM on Tuesday, November 30th, 2021

I've been here a long time and I have no CLUE what the jello thing is about.

I DO know we are absolutely not allowed to talk about putting shrimp in the curtain rods though. shocked

posts: 9428   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
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