Newest Member: AcesEights

New Beginnings :
Feeling low.

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 TwoDozen (original poster member #74796) posted at 12:34 PM on Sunday, October 17th, 2021

So last night was my first proper night out since separating from WGF. Just me and a mate, few beers, dinner, few more beers and a club.

Probably let my hair and my guard down more than I was planing to if you know what I mean and this morning I have a girl less than half my age texting me. Don’t even know how it happened or where we met etc I just know we was at the club together.

I feel f****** awful about it.

Nothing major happen just dancing and whatever in the club., no going back to anyone’s house etc but I feel like I’ve cheated. I don’t feel good about my behaviour in anyway, I don’t want to see this girl again I just wanna curl up and disappear

Why the hell do I feel like this. I’m free and single.

This is not the life I want to live I still just want my old comfortable predictable life back.

Play stupid games ; Win stupid prizes

posts: 375   ·   registered: Jul. 6th, 2020
id 8693684
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Dude67 ( member #75700) posted at 1:30 PM on Sunday, October 17th, 2021

TD - I think it’s a positive development that you put yourself out there. You obviously have a lot to offer and as a result it’s not surprising that you’re getting attention from the opposite sex.

The confidence that you showed by leaving your FWGF is no doubt now being picked up on by women. That’s a good thing. That same self confidence has also caused your FWGF to start working on her issues related to the A. She finally realized what she’s lost.

You owe your FWGF nothing at this point short of co parenting. You are obviously free to date whomever you want, snd in my opinion, you should. Once you start to date and have sex your healing will be aided even more - through your continued self confidence.

You deserve to date, have sex, and enjoy new relationships, in all forms. You would no doubt entertain R with your FWGF, but under your conditions, not her rug sweeping.

By you making this known to your FWGF, but at the same time putting yourself out there by being with other women, you can only end up being the better for it.

Keep charging on! BTW, is there an update on the work your FWGF is doing?

posts: 175   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2020
id 8693688
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 3:58 PM on Monday, October 18th, 2021

Why the hell do I feel like this. I’m free and single.

You're not ready yet and that's ok. You were together a long time. I suspect you really haven't gone as NC as you should so those emotional ties to your exWGF are still rather strong. That's only going to make the moving on process take longer. Scale back on contact. Minimize it to childcare. Try and keep in to text and email. No voice or in person. You'll get there eventually.

posts: 830   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8693810
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guvensiz ( member #75858) posted at 11:23 PM on Monday, October 18th, 2021

I feel like I’ve cheated.

If that's the only reason, f.. it.

posts: 563   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2020
id 8693889
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Anna123 ( member #70908) posted at 2:08 AM on Wednesday, October 20th, 2021

Because it was frivolous and you are not a frivolous person. If it feels off for you because it is---good job, you caught it with NO HARM DONE. This shows you are on the road to recovery. Different story if you got someone pregnant, or have a psycho latch-on, which you need to watch out for. Be careful also of being drawn into the younger going for the older thing, lots of strings and drama attached you might not like. That being said, getting together with friends is great!

Take care.

posts: 636   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8694087
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Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 5:43 AM on Wednesday, October 20th, 2021

I get what you are saying and I think it's totally normal. You may be out of a relationship, but you havent fully decompressed and detoxed. You seem to be holding yourself to an unrealistic standard. I think you need to step back and beca little more forgiving of yourself for how you are processing your trauma. After all, none of us we t to betrayal training camp to learn how to navigate e this shit.

Okay, you went out and so.ebody liked you. Huge crime, right? Two consenting adults, consenting to spend some time together... that is just normal life. It's how the rest of the world lives, you know, the not betrayed part of the population.

Now, I'm working on exactly the same thing as well. I fell for a woman right out of the gate after I filed and separated. Didn't work out and I've been single for a year and a half. Gone out on dates, but still feel weird. I know I shouldn't, as there is zero chance of getting back with her, but deep down, it feels like cheating. I've boiled it down to me being a complete moron. Maybe I just need to meet the right woman, but after going on 6 first dates and not feeling a thing, I wonder if I just need more time.

Me:53STBXWW:51DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off.Denied having an affair in court papers.

posts: 1132   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8694104
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This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 6:37 PM on Sunday, October 31st, 2021

2D,

I don't hit up divorce or new beginnings forums much so I missed this post.

I felt a sort of gut punch the way you described things.

Getting out there is good, but maybe not clubbing. You're a nearly middle aged man with a kid. Meet someone at the library or museum or something.

Good luck with everything.

[This message edited by This0is0Fine at 6:38 PM, Sunday, October 31st]

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 1479   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8696000
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