Newest Member: Armyman9196

Off Topic :
Insecurities have me feeling silly


 poopylala (original poster member #30119) posted at 12:03 AM on Saturday, October 9th, 2021

Growing up, I was never the popular girl but I did know everyone and they knew me. I always envied the cheerleaders and popular girls. I knew then and still know they don’t have perfect lives. I’m still friends with some of those girls from grade school and have followed them on social media.

What is really silly to me is I *still* feel envious of some of them. I gained weight in nursing school and since then. While I’ve lost 20 lbs in the last few months and am feeling much better already, I feel like my overly large chest and my big nose hold me back from feeling confident in my appearance. One of them wore this incredible dress, she gave me the link when I asked, and I just tried it on. My friend is a size 4 after 2 kids. I was previously a 4 and now I’m a 14/16 after 5 years of constant stress (nursing school, the ending of my relationship with fwbf, losing my mom, working two covid icu jobs).

While I’ve lost 20 lbs already since May just by cutting out sugary treats and soda, I see my friend’s fb post and am jealous of how incredible her life appears. I have an amazing bf who loves how I look now and he is so patient and supportive of me. He supports that I want a nose job and suggested a breast reduction. I’m looking into those soon but am currently recovering from surgery for my appendix.

I just hate that I STILL feel envious of prettier friends. How do I not look at her posts and feel jealous??

"To err is human;
To forgive,

<3 DS always

posts: 1029   ·   registered: Nov. 15th, 2010   ·   location: Houston, TX
id 8692310

HFSSC ( member #33338) posted at 1:42 PM on Saturday, October 9th, 2021

I saw part of a sermon 6 or 7 years ago that changed my life. I wish I could find the video again but I remember the story so well. This mom is telling the story of a Disney trip their family had planned. She had 2 young sons and she wanted to give them the opportunity to earn some spending money for the trip. She made a list of chores they could do for 50 cents or a dollar. These boys had very different personalities, and while one son was very industrious and earned money, the other was more laid back and decided extra work just wasn’t his jam. The week before the trip, the first son had earned $7. He was so proud and happy. He was speculating on all the different things he could buy with his hard earned money.

It so happened that the younger son’s birthday was coming up soon. And that same week, a birthday card from their grandparents arrived. And there was a $20 bill inside for the younger son. Oh, the older son was so upset. “It’s not fair! I worked and worked for my $7 and he didn’t do anything but he has $20!” Just moments before the card arrived, this boy was happy with his lot. But seeing the good fortune of his brother made him dissatisfied and jealous. This mom was trying to console her unhappy child and realized a truth. All of us have lives that are filled with $7 days and $20 moments. And when we are living a life in our $7 we can be perfectly content until we see someone else’s $20 moment.

But here’s the thing—we don’t suddenly have less because another person has more. Realize that your friend is not publishing every $7 day on social media. What you are seeing is her $20 moments.

Me, 54
Him, 45 (JMSSC)
Married 24 years. Reconciled.

posts: 4616   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2011   ·   location: South Carolina
id 8692359

WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 4:52 PM on Saturday, October 9th, 2021



"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 7214   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 8692373

WalkinOnEggshelz ( Moderator #29447) posted at 2:31 PM on Sunday, October 10th, 2021

Let me just start by saying as someone that has met you IRL…

You. Are. Beautiful!

Full stop.

One of the things that both HT and I have come to accept over the years is that no matter how together people seem to be on the outside, on the inside everyone has stuff. Your size 4, seemingly beautiful friend has insecurities, has problems in her relationship, has problems with her kids, and has problems with family. Every single person does because that is normal.

What we portray to others is not always what is reality, especially when it comes to social media. Social media is a life through a very rose colored filter.

I feel that part of what you are feeling has a lot to do with stress and burnout over the past 18 months. Working in healthcare has been brutal and as an ICU nurse you literally return to a battle field day in and day out. There is nothing glamorous about it. It’s a life of scrubs, tying your hair in a knot, living without makeup, jewelry, all of the things that make us feel nice. The last thing you want to do when you get home is get less comfortable. Honestly for me, it’s a big deal to put on a little mascara and wear my hair down every weekend!

Be kind to yourself. Every single patient under your care is lucky to have such a kind and caring person look after them. You don’t need to alter your body to be beautiful. Whatever you decide to do, make sure it’s for the right reasons.


Me: WS late 40’s
Him: BH (HoldingTogether)
D Day: 7/24/2010
If you keep asking people to give you the benefit of the doubt, they will eventually start to doubt your benefit.

posts: 14337   ·   registered: Aug. 27th, 2010   ·   location: Texas
id 8692505

 poopylala (original poster member #30119) posted at 8:07 PM on Monday, October 11th, 2021

That is so incredibly true. I talked it out with a friend and realized that what I wished was that my $20 moments looked like her $20 moments, except we’re two different people and I am very proud of my $7 AND my $20 moments. I’m proud of where I am, what I have, and how far I’ve come!

Thank you <3 it has been a very difficult and frustrating past year because I can’t ever mentally escape what is going on in the world around us. I have decided to cut back on social media at bf’s suggestion and that has helped immensely.

I talked with the friend I mentioned originally about something and she said "I meant to tell you- good for you for leaving that piece of crap and buying your own damn house! I love to see it!". We talked a bit about life stuff and she mentioned that I was a ray of sunshine even back in grade school and the best thing- people forget what you say but not how you make them feel. She’s right- it is all about being a good and kind person looks can change but being a good human is the key grin

"To err is human;
To forgive,

<3 DS always

posts: 1029   ·   registered: Nov. 15th, 2010   ·   location: Houston, TX
id 8692683

HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 7:20 PM on Tuesday, October 12th, 2021

Stay off social media. Honestly. There is nothing on there of value. If you want to see what your friends are up to, how they are doing, text them and send pictures back and forth. Have a real conversation with them like you did your one friend. Live life with gratitude like you're realizing and you don't have to worry about what others look/feel/act like b/c you are already grateful for all that you have now.

posts: 1175   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8692833
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