Good day all.
Quick refresher. Wife had an EA/PA with a co-worker in October 2019. It only lasted 3 weeks (from what I know) and only consisted of kissing. I found saved screenshotted texts on her phone and confronted her on Oct 21, 2019. She fully admitted it, we fought a lot, it was rough. We were really struggling in early 2020 and then I lost my job the week before COVID hit. We decided to separate, but COVID, so we decided to work on it through COVID. I got a new job within a month, and our efforts went to schooling our kids (virtually), staying healthy, and surviving (like everyone at that time). My father got COVID in November 2020 and passed away on Dec 14, 2020. Once again, not the time to separate/divorce, etc. We did therapy, we were working on making things better, but it never worked long term. I turned 40 in May and got an therapist for myself, who I've been seeing every week since May.
Finally, this summer (late July) I asked her for a divorce. It seemed like that snapped something in her. She came to me the next day and asked me to reconsider, try marriage counseling, etc. I agreed, but we lived in separate bedrooms, etc. Our AC broke and I went back downstairs to our bedroom. Things were getting better, it seemed like we were communicating better, etc. One weekend in late August I had a poker night which ended earlier than expected. I got home and we watched a show together. Went to bed and she passionately kissed me and we had sex. Said she couldn't get enough of me, we made out all night, etc. Now, keep in mind, we hadn't had sex in over a month, and were averaging 2-4 times per month for years. That weekend we had sex Friday night, 2x on Saturday, and Sunday night. We kissed more passionately than ever, ever. I kissed her more than weekend than I had in the previous decade combined. She was giving me random hugs, random kisses, etc, I told her I appreciated it and it felt good. Well, September continued this trend. We've had sex 8 times this month and every time it's been amazing.
It's not all about sex, but it is something I've stressed I needed for our entire 12 year relationship. We are more patient with each other, we're laughing together, and genuinely having fun together. It's literally like a light switch turned. The increased sex made me think something else was going on, but I've found nothing. I used the VAR and found nothing. I don't know if she realized I was serious this time, I don't know what happened. I'm happy about it and it's a huge step in the right direction, it was literally just so unexpected. I was literally planning to list the house in the new year, get a divorce, and move on. Now, I can see this working if it continues down the same path.
I must say that she has taken a greater responsibility for her affair than she ever has. She seems resigned that it was her fault and I finally feel like she is truly sorry for her actions. She has apologized multiple times and it seems like she has finally realized the pain it caused.
I don't know what I'm trying to say here, but it's a relief. If this is the last gasp and things get worse and we get divorced, it sure was a good last effort. We're planning marriage counseling here in the next month, and I hope it goes well. I finally feel that my marriage has hope for the future.