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Age difference- how much does it matter?

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 IceThee (original poster member #53715) posted at 8:47 AM on Wednesday, September 1st, 2021

I’m a female early 40’s, he’s mid 20’s. Maturity level puts us much closer. Similar lifestyles, interests, moral characters, and ethics.

How much does the age matter, in such a case?

Interested to hear your thoughts. Thank you :)

"It's ok to not be ok"

Me: BS Him: xH (still cheating I'm sure)
Dday 1: November 2012 (didn’t realize it was a Dday until April 2018)
Dday 2: April 2016 Dday 3: July 2017
D final July 2018

"He who is without sin, cast

posts: 662   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2016   ·   location: 🌏
id 8686581
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ItsRick ( new member #78840) posted at 12:45 PM on Wednesday, September 1st, 2021

Hello IceThee. So do you mean he's older than his years or you are half your age? I'm betting you feel the later and that's typically what the thrill of dating much younger makes us feel. How long have you been seeing each other?

posts: 1   ·   registered: May. 21st, 2021   ·   location: GA
id 8686585
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 2:56 PM on Wednesday, September 1st, 2021

There was a time when I would have thought that age was an important factor in a relationship. Now, not so much. My dear friend married a man 23 years older than her. They had three beautiful children together, now adults. He has since passed, and she has not met a man who even came close to him in being a match for her.

My cousin/bff has been in a 15-year relationship with a man 20 years older than her. I recently spent a few days at their house, and watching them interact with each other and live together... That is the relationship I aspire to have if I am meant to be with someone at some point.

So no, I don't think age is that important. It's just a number. Just keep your eyes and ears wide open, and know what you want out of the relationship and be sure you can get it with whomever you date. Otherwise you are compromising and short-changing yourself. Have fun!

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4364   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8686600
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jadedangel ( member #26979) posted at 3:01 PM on Wednesday, September 1st, 2021

I think as long as you both are happy then what does it matter?

My mother passed about 12 years ago from colon cancer. My dad eventually remarried a woman that is about 20 years his junior.

They seem happy together. Now, having said that, my dad is having a lot of health issues of late and she has been wonderful in taking care of him.

Health issues though can happen at any age. If ya'll want to be together then be together. Be happy.

Divorced 2007.
EXWH died 2011
Remarried 2018!

posts: 638   ·   registered: Dec. 30th, 2009   ·   location: Central City
id 8686601
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 3:18 PM on Wednesday, September 1st, 2021

Late 20s to late 40s is the range where age difference issues are minimized. You'll still have some weird looks and judgement and other issues like drive to start families that will still be stumbling blocks. Life experience is a big difference also. People in there middle 20s people have never lived in a time without the internet and cell phones. You were likely on the edge of that though. Generally in your 20s are still figuring out who they want to be.
Primary problems as I see it:
Being Judged. Both of you. Dealing with that from others including friends and family. You both might actually lose some because of it.
Children. Usually once you hit your 40s you are done spawning and are concentrating on raising those you have had.
Power Imbalance. Generally you are hitting the best earning years in your 40-50s.
Life Goals. What's important changes in most people between your 20s and 50s. You'll be moving through those ages at different times which can cause future disconnects.

In the end everyone is different. There's no prefect relationship and there's odd couples that thrive better than those more perfectly matched. If you want to give it a go, do so.

posts: 750   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8686605
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wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 4:24 PM on Wednesday, September 1st, 2021

My father was 20 years younger than his first wife - he was 20 and she was 40 when they got together (quite scandalous in the 50s!). Her oldest daughter was only 9 years younger than he was.

My stepsister (her youngest daughter) always told me they were one of the happiest couples she'd ever known and all she ever wanted was what they had. He was devastated when she unexpectedly passed away at age 50.

I think if you're on the same page, happy and compatible, that's what matters.

[This message edited by wildbananas at 3:34 PM, Thursday, September 2nd]

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

posts: 16493   ·   registered: May. 1st, 2006   ·   location: Somewhere
id 8686618
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AnnieOakley ( member #13332) posted at 4:34 PM on Wednesday, September 1st, 2021

Well…. I’m 57. I usually am "guessed" for 45-48, which I never believe.

I’m currently spending time with someone that is 35. I met him IRL, when he asked me out I immediately asked his age and told him mine. He said he didn’t care. I’ve given him all the reasons this makes no sense…more than once.

So for the first time in my entire life, I’m dating someone without looking at the future and no developing emotions. I like spending time with him, we have fun, and we both have agreed to be monogamous.

I didn’t think I was capable of separating sex/emotional connection. Not sure if that is a good or bad thing.

I hope he does not get emotionally involved.

Some of my friends are pretty supportive-others I know would not be and I’ve not even told them. And honestly, I feel more awkward/weird (??) maybe for him when we’re out then me. But that is probably in my head and who cares what complete strangers think?

Me= BSHim=xWH (did the work & became the man I always thought he was, but it was too late)M=23+,T=27+dday=7/06, 8/09 (pics at a work function), 11/09 VAR, 6/12 Sep'd, 10/14 Divorced."If you are going through hell, keep going."

posts: 1681   ·   registered: Jan. 18th, 2007   ·   location: NoCal
id 8686622
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 IceThee (original poster member #53715) posted at 6:44 AM on Thursday, September 2nd, 2021

Thank you everyone for your replies. I tried to reply individually and am having some issues with that. Basically, he is more mature than his age and I am young at heart… Most people guess me to be much younger than I am, but not because of lack of maturity ha ha. Don’t worry I’ve checked ;)

Anyway, again thank you for all your replies. I feel more peace about it all. I do believe that it depends on each person and their willingness to deal with whatever factors might be. If it wasn’t age, there would be something else. I enjoy hearing the stories of people that are happy together regardless of age and such.

"It's ok to not be ok"

Me: BS Him: xH (still cheating I'm sure)
Dday 1: November 2012 (didn’t realize it was a Dday until April 2018)
Dday 2: April 2016 Dday 3: July 2017
D final July 2018

"He who is without sin, cast

posts: 662   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2016   ·   location: 🌏
id 8686735
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Anna123 ( member #70908) posted at 2:05 PM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

If you are hoping for long term,there will come a time where you start to look a lot older than him, no matter how young you look. It unfortunately just works that way it seems for those couple of decades. I have a friend in her 50's who was dating a much younger guy for over ten years, and eventually it just started to look more and more obvious even though she still looks great. He ended up getting together with someone younger. (She's a fun lovable person and moved right on quickly with someone her own age:-) Also, as you move into your 50's you do start to look at time and life so differently especially as a woman. If it is more of a fun companionship thing that's one thing but not really a mutual shared journey. Of course there are always the exceptions:-)

Enjoy the journey!

posts: 624   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8687206
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countrydirt ( member #55758) posted at 4:55 AM on Tuesday, September 7th, 2021

Good for you! I dated a lady who was 43 and I was 57. She thought I was maybe 46-48 when we first met and never blinked an eye when I told her I was 57. We ended up having a great time for 7 months. We had a big laugh one night at a hostel in the mountains while having a ski weekend when I was talking to a man my age and he asked how my daughter was doing with kids in school and covid. It ended up that the stages of life we were in made the relationship difficult. Her oldest was in middle school and youngest was in 3rd grade. My youngest was graduating high school and my oldest is actually closer in age to her than she was to me.

I'm now dating a lady who is 9/10 years younger than me. Her stepdad is closer in age to me than she is. She makes fun of me being older and I make fun of that fact that she might not know what a payphone is. Yesterday I took her on an adventure to see a steam locomotive. Her exact words were, "Oh Lord, what an old man thing!" but we had a great day and laughed and enjoyed our time together. When we hike in the mountains, I get to have a stroll as she is simply not as active as I am and it is not an issue for either of us.

I have another friend (lady) who only dates men at least 20 years younger than her. She's 60 and is an incredibly active hiker and backpacker. She can hike my 57 year old butt into the ground while carrying a 35 pound backpack.

So do what makes you happy and enjoy the adventure.

3 sons (mostly grown)
Married 32 years. DDay1 - June 2016, DDay 2 - April 2017, Final DDay - May 2020. Divorced - January 2021

posts: 293   ·   registered: Oct. 25th, 2016   ·   location: Colorado
id 8687364
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AnnieOakley ( member #13332) posted at 10:15 PM on Wednesday, September 8th, 2021

Went out to dinner with the 35 yo last night. He got carded and he had taken his mask off. FML 😂😂😂

Me= BSHim=xWH (did the work & became the man I always thought he was, but it was too late)M=23+,T=27+dday=7/06, 8/09 (pics at a work function), 11/09 VAR, 6/12 Sep'd, 10/14 Divorced."If you are going through hell, keep going."

posts: 1681   ·   registered: Jan. 18th, 2007   ·   location: NoCal
id 8687625
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 10:25 PM on Sunday, September 12th, 2021

Please grab joy where you can. Go out with whomever makes you feel good. Forget about age.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8688195
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 6:27 AM on Monday, September 13th, 2021

Juliet Mills has been married to Maxwell Caulfield, 18 years her junior, for 40+ years.

Lea
Me: BW
Married 34 years, 3 DS
DDay #1: March 26, 2018, DDay #2 8/26/2019
Filed for D: 11/16/2020
D Final: 2/25/2021

posts: 653   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8688233
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 IceThee (original poster member #53715) posted at 6:56 AM on Monday, September 20th, 2021

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and experiences in this :) I’m still in a waiting and evaluating time. I’ll update at some point, if there’s anything to update haha wink

"It's ok to not be ok"

Me: BS Him: xH (still cheating I'm sure)
Dday 1: November 2012 (didn’t realize it was a Dday until April 2018)
Dday 2: April 2016 Dday 3: July 2017
D final July 2018

"He who is without sin, cast

posts: 662   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2016   ·   location: 🌏
id 8689328
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de.va.sta.ted ( member #22922) posted at 6:02 PM on Tuesday, September 21st, 2021

Please grab joy where you can. Go out with whomever makes you feel good. Forget about age.

What Tallgirl said.

I am dating someone 16 years older than I am, and I do ask myself this question from time to time.

In the end, I come to the same conclusion; as everyone on this website knows, there is no guarantee or sure formula to ensure happiness. Risks abound; heartbreak can happen anytime, illness can strike randomly, people judge, regardless of how perfect appearances may be.

I am not letting an age difference prevent me from loving someone who has been consistently warm and kind to me.

Me: BW Him: WH
D-Day 1: February 2009
D-Day 2: April 2018
Can't believe it.

posts: 1029   ·   registered: Feb. 19th, 2009
id 8689563
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 IceThee (original poster member #53715) posted at 4:44 AM on Thursday, September 23rd, 2021

Thank you de.va.sta.ted !

And so happy for you to find someone that is treating you as you deserve!

"It's ok to not be ok"

Me: BS Him: xH (still cheating I'm sure)
Dday 1: November 2012 (didn’t realize it was a Dday until April 2018)
Dday 2: April 2016 Dday 3: July 2017
D final July 2018

"He who is without sin, cast

posts: 662   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2016   ·   location: 🌏
id 8689833
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