Newest Member: Maifurrypurt

Wayward Side :
Dumping toxic people

Topic is Sleeping.
default

 godheals (original poster member #56786) posted at 9:44 PM on Sunday, July 11th, 2021

We were friends with the people across the street who cheated on their spouse with each other. But shit kinda hit the fan with them which I am glad. We don’t need to toxic people in our life.

H and I had some talks over this. I pointed out things in them that makes us way different from them.

They both made their choice to cheat.

They both have not done a thing to work hard to rebuild any trust.

They continue to blame who else they can for their own insecurities and think they world owns them something.

They justified their actions because of an unhappy M and hoping to get compassion over it with others.

Bottom line they made their bed and now it’s NOT fun for them to lay in it. It’s not our problem. It’s theirs. But of course they didn’t see it that way. Again not our problem.

I told my H I was only willing to give them a chance because he likes giving everyone a chance. But when you clearly see two people think that everyone owes them something in life because they don’t know how to live in the real world then you know that type of people should not be in your life.

Most important we have worked hard to get where we are now. I don’t want or need people in our life who can bring us down because again they made poor choices and continue to do so. Now that we are not friends they are trying to play the “victim” card with whoever will listen.

H and I actually grown closer now because a lot things are so much more clearly now that we are not in the mix of their bullshit.

It feels so good!

H: BS
ME: WW
Dday December 2015 (PA for 15 months)
Confessed to H about the A
4 kids together-M 14 Years now.
Happily R.

posts: 1068   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2017   ·   location: Nebraska
id 8674618
default

DaddyDom ( member #56960) posted at 10:46 PM on Sunday, July 11th, 2021

Good for you! Regardless of infidelity, removing toxic people from your life is so important. It's good to consider and try things such as second chances, but at the end of the day, once that effort has been made, and the toxicity remains, then it is reasonable to make choices that will do the most to protect yourself.

And the thing is, if they ever do find their way, and become less toxic, then you are free to reassess at that point.

Bottom line, do whatever you need to in order to respect yourselves, and know you've done the best you can, both for others, and yourselves.

Me: WS
BS: ISurvivedSoFar
D-Day Nov '16
Status: Reconciling
"I am floored by the amount of grace and love she has shown me in choosing to stay and fight for our marriage. I took everything from her, and yet she chose to forgive me."

posts: 1159   ·   registered: Jan. 18th, 2017   ·   location: Marblehead, MA
id 8674623
default

Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 2:22 AM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

It feels so good!

This is when you KNOW you did the right thing . Thanks so much for sharing!!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 5571   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8674655
default

Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 8:26 PM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

Kicking toxicity to the curb is always a good feeling.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8674897
default

skeetermooch ( member #72169) posted at 9:05 PM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

Since experiencing infidelity, I have kicked so many toxic people to the curb. I think the experience made me want to align everything in my life to my values.

Me: BS 50sDDay 1 - 7/2019Separated - 11/2019False Reconciliation - Spring 2020DDay 2 - 8/23/2020DIVORCED - January 2021

posts: 1165   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2019
id 8674915
default

EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 10:02 PM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

I printed this out and put it up on my bathroom mirror right after I separated.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8674936
default

 godheals (original poster member #56786) posted at 2:31 PM on Tuesday, July 13th, 2021

The only thing that bothers us is my H feels like they gotten away with something.

He helped this guy out so much last year getting all of his outside projects done. With the never ending promises by him that the favors will return. All the work got done and they got M. After that the guy was not talking or hanging out with my H as much. Getting to the point he was acting like they were never even friends.

It makes me upset also but trying to let that go. My H on the other hand thought he was a good friend but it turned out he got all this work out of him and now he acts like they were never friends.

She was the same person if people remember me posting this last year, how I was over there a few times and I would bend over and they could see down my shirt. But giving me this big old speech about how they started out, I lost weight and how their bodies are for them only to see blah blah blah. I called her out on it but she didn’t like it. We were willing to get along for the guys but after everything was said and done it was like the friendship never happen.

It feels good not to have them in our life but still upsets my H a lot that he used him. Let’s just say if we ever seen their house on fire, we will be minding our business.

H: BS
ME: WW
Dday December 2015 (PA for 15 months)
Confessed to H about the A
4 kids together-M 14 Years now.
Happily R.

posts: 1068   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2017   ·   location: Nebraska
id 8675084
default

ff4152 ( member #55404) posted at 12:07 AM on Wednesday, July 14th, 2021

Godheals

A scene from “A Bronx Tale” came to mind when I read your last post. In the movie, one of the characters is complaining about this other person who owes him money. The person who borrowed the money keeps dodging the other guy and won’t pay him back. The other character essentially tells him this bum is out of your life and all it cost you was 20 bucks.

Unfortunately there are always going to be bloodsuckers who come under the guise of friend. This guy sounds like one of them. I’m not trying to minimize the pain your H feels about the betrayal but at least he is out of your lives forever. Better to find out now than when you really needed them for something.

Me -FWS

posts: 1858   ·   registered: Sep. 30th, 2016
id 8675310
default

 godheals (original poster member #56786) posted at 9:54 PM on Wednesday, July 14th, 2021

FF- I understand where your coming from but this is hours and hours of work. Thousands of dollars of work. With the never ending promises from him all this work will get returned. There are not out of our lives forever they live across the street. People who will see at one point or another at least once a day if not more.

I am not upset that we are no longer friends with them. Cutting them out is one of them best things we could ever do. We are just upset that nothing was returned like he said. It’s like they got want they wanted out of my H then before we knew it nothing was coming back and they were acting as if my H was this bad guy and he was just nothing.

Another wild theory I have is I think they were jealous of us. They know our history with my infidelity. But we never acted like them. We would kiss,hold hands and make jokes around them. I have never seen that with them. At all. My H has told the guy he trust me. They are stuck with this uncomfortable bed they made and we didn’t act like infidelity was part of our story. They always did.

H: BS
ME: WW
Dday December 2015 (PA for 15 months)
Confessed to H about the A
4 kids together-M 14 Years now.
Happily R.

posts: 1068   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2017   ·   location: Nebraska
id 8675581
Topic is Sleeping.
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.000.20210924 2002-2021 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy