Newest Member: Loyalandbetrayed

Just Found Out :
court went great!

Topic is Sleeping.
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 lifestoshort (original poster Member #18442) posted at 12:37 AM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

I dont want to go into too much detail but I won. The mistress is stalking me so I need to file a police report. in court she didnt deny it and she had the chance to do so/ object. neither one were prepared, had no evidence and no paperwork at all. I was shocked. my ex showed some remorse and looked terrible. they were both dressed very inappropriately for court. this is the 1st time I had to see her in 2 months. and him in a month. she was dumber then a box o rocks. fumbling, very vague, neither could get any dates right or even specify the info requested so I won easily. Perhaps both were high. after the hearing they sent my exs info to warrant processing.

anyway, my lawyer stated the OW made him do all this so when it came down to it, he saw me and he dropped it. I know she has crap on him, but I have it on both... so pick your battle dude. Do whats right! I just want him to wake up but realistically he is using so he wont.

Its crazy how I won and had such a huge victory to get this OW off my back and I just feel so sad now. I think for 2 weeks I was enthralled with the aspects of court I forgot about the rest. now Im back at it. i feel like I have stockholm syndrome.

when he looked at me on the stand and apologized, I felt it. he was suppose to talk to the judge but turned to me, looked me in the eyes to say it. I nodded. I miss parts of him. Im worried for him. this OW is clearly and truly insane and he is stuck. He has never been man enough to stand up for himself or fight people off. he is totally passive which is what I hated and why I always rescued him (when I saw him hurting or leaning towards wanting to use. this is why they say I saved his life, cause I literally did several times)

I have known him for a very long time, I feel when something is off and wrong. he is in trouble right now mentally and w her... even though he hurt me and allowed this OW to cause us mental harm and stalked us, I'm worried he will get worse. I left it open for him to talk to me. I don't want to see him overdose or die. Id rather see him go to jail/prison.

Now Im trying to decide if I go on solo vacation to get my head clear and relaxed or keep going and save $. I lost so much weight and need to sleep normal again. the thought of travel sounds horrid (just getting there) but to be around my friends in a city I know sounds perfect. Im still a single parent at home w no help whatsoever.

Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 5 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old. she stayed

posts: 1049   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2008
id 8671340
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beb252 ( Member #78948) posted at 12:44 AM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

Congratulations on your win!

He got himself a downgrade.
Focus on you well-being now. If you need to unwind a bit, do so. You should go ahead with your solo vacation to clear out your mind a bit - if your finances won't be affected, that is.

Good luck!

posts: 374   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8671341
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stubbornft ( Member #49614) posted at 12:45 AM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

ONWARD lifestoshort!

Leave him behind.

I am glad that court went your way today. Don't look back.

I can relate to the feelings of sadness flooding in when the drama subsides. It is easy to get distracted by their DRAMA. We have had less drama now and I just feel indifferent to him now. No fight left in me I guess.

I am happy for you. Take your win. Don't look back. This is when you get strong.

Me: BS 40
Him: WS 51
He cheated with massage parlor sex workers
Dday 01/19/2021

posts: 801   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2015   ·   location: TX
id 8671342
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 lifestoshort (original poster Member #18442) posted at 12:52 AM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

Im trying to be strong and the last few days I truly was but today I am just drained. adrenaline took it all out of me so I've cried a few times. I feel defeated and my kids are happy I won but now also miss him. we miss the good guy. I miss sex with him. I miss holding his hand. I miss his voice.

I of course dont miss the past 4 months of hell or his lies. Im hoping I dont get too bad like I was when I first walked in. then I felt like a nervous breakdown, now its more like I give up. I'm so beat. I can see it and its not great. I dont want to date or start over. I just want to be or wake up with a different life.

Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 5 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old. she stayed

posts: 1049   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2008
id 8671343
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stubbornft ( Member #49614) posted at 1:01 AM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

Who says you can't cry? Strong people cry. Cry!

It is hard to go from being with a person to no person. It will take time to adjust.

Are you in therapy? I am and it is helping me accept myself as I am. I have a ways to go still. I want to be to the point that I am ok if I do or do not find someone. It is my preference to find someone safe and trustworthy. But also I am lacking if I HAVE to have that. So I am working on that.

What are you working on next?

We can do this!

Me: BS 40
Him: WS 51
He cheated with massage parlor sex workers
Dday 01/19/2021

posts: 801   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2015   ·   location: TX
id 8671346
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stubbornft ( Member #49614) posted at 1:03 AM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

The thing about these sick people is that we can't save them. And we so badly want to. They will take us down with them. We have to save ourselves.

Me: BS 40
Him: WS 51
He cheated with massage parlor sex workers
Dday 01/19/2021

posts: 801   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2015   ·   location: TX
id 8671347
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 lifestoshort (original poster Member #18442) posted at 2:14 AM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

yes I'm in counseling and have been for decades to just check in and keep myself in check. I take care of everything for my family which is a lot to do alone, all the time. saw her today but 45 mins is never enough to cover so much.

I think i was looking at all the bad for a month and now I'm remembering the good and seeing him, even in his horrible state, made me see him in trouble so I wish I could reach out. at the same time I see he is not happy, and his family will realize I was right. Then they would be all screwed cause I was the only one NOT enabling him!!!

I went to go get blood work done tonight, was totally triggered and just bawled right there. I had to make her stop till I stopped crying. I know I need to bawl my head off. let this out. I have been holding in for 2 months.

I am so so hurt and confused. I was angry before, now I'm unsure.

Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 5 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old. she stayed

posts: 1049   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2008
id 8671359
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thatbpguy ( Member #58540) posted at 2:15 AM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

stubbornft said it perfectly!

[This message edited by thatbpguy at 8:16 PM, June 30th (Wednesday)]

ME: BHHer: WWDDay 1, R; DDay 2, R; DDay 3, I leftDivorcedRemarried to a wonderful woman

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis

As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly...

posts: 4449   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2017   ·   location: Vancouver, WA
id 8671360
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betsy62 ( Member #48022) posted at 4:40 AM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

Go on your trip. It might be just what you need to start healing.

About a month after my D was final, I went on a solo trip.

It was to a place the X and I had wanted to go for years. We never made it, for various reasons.

I found a beautiful place, with stunning scenery. I walked to the edge of the water.

And, I lost it. I cried. And I actually yelled "You son of a bitch, this was suppose to our trip!" I cried for a minute more.

Then, I pulled myself together, and went on to have a fantastic time.

It was the last time I cried over him and what he did to us.

It was also wonderful to hear that, when our adult DD told him where I was, he was stunned!

Go on your trip. Breathe some different air. Be among your friends. Enjoy....

Sometimes, you must forget what you feel, and remember what you deserve

posts: 474   ·   registered: May. 26th, 2015
id 8671398
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Buffer ( Member #71664) posted at 6:36 AM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

Strength to you

Buffer

posts: 1191   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019   ·   location: Australia
id 8671413
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Venus1 ( Member #77144) posted at 7:18 AM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

Congrats on your win! Big hugs.

I believe that this is when you will really start healing. Take that solo-trip! I took one last month and it was the best thing I could have done for myself. I was terrified --- hadn't done anything like that in years. I was afraid of being alone and worried that my thoughts would take over any joy I'd fine in it. But I got sleep for the first time in months, ate some good meals, and was present. Did things that I enjoyed doing and ultimately it did wonders for my mental health!

I can relate to the sadness you describe. When my STBWX was served I cried for many days straight. But, like stubbornfit says, strong people cry. Cry it out now and don't hold it in!

You've got this!

Me: BS (39) Him: WS (40)
13.5 years married, 16 years together
D-day: 1Jan2021 Confronted: 2Jan2021
Currently Separated after confirmation of 'exit affair'
Filed for D May 2021

posts: 111   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2021   ·   location: California
id 8671419
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 5:24 PM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

Another option might be using funds to hire some help. Even something as simple as a good babysitter for a few hours a week might give you a vacation for a number of weeks.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25995   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8671552
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 lifestoshort (original poster Member #18442) posted at 4:43 AM on Friday, July 2nd, 2021

my kids arent young enough to need a sitter during the day. just too young to be making all their meals.

I am pretty sure I will go on the trip and try to unwind. Im feeling very wound up. I went to get a massage today and it helped some but I know I can get several massages in the city I will go to for 1/2 the price and they know me.

I'm dreading the heat. but I also know there will be so many women to give me love and positivity which is what I really need. I have friends here but not like the ones I have where I work. Im just being the guilty mom leaving her kids. I have their sister to help when I go so all will be fine. Im just a worry wort.

Today I cried a little too. I know its coming, the full storm needs to break. Every darn day I see him car when I travel. I want to retrain my mind and for my soul to heal. Singing helps me so I blasted the radio when I drove around town running errands.

thanks for everyone of you sending me some positive words. its been 2 months since DD and I feel like I was in shock, till now.

Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 5 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old. she stayed

posts: 1049   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2008
id 8671739
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 lifestoshort (original poster Member #18442) posted at 4:03 PM on Friday, July 2nd, 2021

my blood work came back that I am not doing so great. I see the dr today. I know its from stress. my white blood count is pretty high.

Luckily I woke today and didnt think about them right away. But I did get sick so I may not be thinking about it but my body still feels it all.

then I got a police report about my ex and its all I can think about. there is some lingo in there I dont understand but the overall is NOT good. he had a warrant on him, for tickets. its off now.

I think I will be going on the trip. I had booked tickets a while back and just wish it was for a bit shorter now. was originally a work trip and it will be a little still but I was suppose to make a bunch of money not spend it lol. I know being w friends and even site seeing will be great for me.

Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 5 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old. she stayed

posts: 1049   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2008
id 8671900
Topic is Sleeping.
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